Goodnight, goodbye – there’s nothing to say

We were in the village for one of those really short Christmas holidays, and my brother was carrying this really cute toddler when I came in. I went over to give the little one a cuddle when I saw that he was scratching my brother’s arm, like really scratching him. My mom came and yanked the child when she saw blood on my brother’s arm, made us all laugh. Found out that the little scratcher was my cousin, one of the three adopted by my Aunty Nwabechie.

Aunty Nwabechie was a widow, the Principal of a secondary school in one of the towns in Anambra, and so I always wondered why it seemed like each year we came home she’d have adopted one more when things weren’t very smooth for her already. But she did. The last time I was in the village she had three adopted children, and her own daughter, Chinyere. And you’d never know which was which, my aunty was good like that.

It was Chinyere’s birthday and my brother went to write on her Facebook wall. And instead of birthday greetings he sawRIP all over the place. One of the messages said she and her mom died in the Benin/Ore tanker+Dangote cement truck explosion on the 5th of April. So he rang my dad. Wasn’t a hoax.

Chinyere, Olunna, Nmesoma, Ebuka, and my aunty Nwabechie died in that fire, they were on the way back to the village from Lagos. Everyone. An entire family. The name. Why do these things happen? Everyone died?

Last time I chatted with Chinyere on the phone she asked me for a blackberry and I told her I’d get her one. Didn’t get a chance to give it to her. She was in her final year at university. I feel horrible about that.I could have given her o, Chinyere come and take mine. Just come back. All of you. Please.

Fire. What a horrible, horrible, horrible way to die. The fear, the anguish. Nmesoma wasn’t more than five. I wonder how scared he must have been. I wonder about all of them. Did they hug themselves goodbye? Did they have time? Or was it all terror?

What a waste. I know how difficult it was for aunty to pay her fees at some point. I know. Was it all for nothing?

How do I even cry? Have I cried enough? How do I be strong when my heart is full of pain? Where do I shelve this pain? How much can one person deal with at once?

This is too much. One disaster too many.

They couldn’t even find their bodies to bury. You’d think that for a family that just got wiped out they’d at least get a decent funeral. Fire doesn’t think that way, didn’t leave anything.

Do I blame my people for hiding it from me? I wouldn’t have been able to take it then. I can’t take it now. How does one take these things? Is there a way? I’m all cried out.

Do I question God? Aunty was one of the most devout people I know. God sees all and knows all, did He see this one?

Je nke oma aunty, Chinyere, Olunna, Nmesoma, and Ebuka. Goodnight.

I don’t know what to do. There’s got to be more.

 

Avoiding heartache in business….

One of my favorite TV Series is Hustle – a group of five con men (Albert, Stacey, Danny, Ash, and Mickey) who function as a modern Robin Hood crew. Exacting judgement n greedy, dubious businessmen, they operate under a set of rules, first of which is, “you cannot cheat an honest man’. Flip side to that is, “when someone wants to gain something for nothing, give them nothing for something”.

Apart from crushing heavily on Mickey (Adrian Lester) and his ‘out-of-this-world’ smile, I love Hustle because each episode exposes me to the different ways people bring heartache upon themselves by trying to reap where they have not sown, make ridiculous profits, or even worse, defraud the next man. Are the Hustle team righteous? Of course not; evil cannot cancel out evil, and two wrongs don’t make a right. Still love them though!

Away from Hustle, I have two rules for avoiding heartache in business. These two nuggets are guaranteed winners long as they’re applied exactly as prescribed.

1. There is social media and the ‘miracles’ it will work for your business as far as publicity and advertising are concerned. There is also something called a work ethic, without which both the social media platforms, and the business will fail. Unfortunately today young business owners spend more time tweeting and facebooking about their businesses than actually getting any work done.

Quick example: a friend of mine had a business and is quite active on social media promoting it; we’ll call her A. Recently, another friend (call her B) tweeted about needing the service A offers so I introduced them on Twitter. Two days after B tweets that A kept her waiting for four hours and she’s never using her service again.

Social media – good work ethic + all the recommendations in the world = heartache, brought on by failure.

2.Much as you can, avoid doing business with family, especially in parts of the world where ‘family’ is exalted over professionalism. I’ve written about landlords letting their property to family and the drama that goes with that, but I have a personal example now.

My family needed a service, and contracted two different companies to provide it – three items from Company A, and three items from Company B (who we’re distantly related to).

Company A delivers on schedule; on inspection the goods are of a good quality, and there is evidence that they used their initiative. Company B is paid in full, yet the goods are two weeks late. There are major errors in one during the draft inspection so it’s sent back.

48 hours to when these goods will be used, they’re yet to arrive, and the representative is unreachable. Several calls without any response and then by 5pm the representative picks up and says, “I’m in fellowship please, you’re calling my Galaxy Tab and its ringtone is loud”.

Took all of me (and some) to be civil and for a few reasons

• How was I to know you were in church? If you’d had picked up the entire day we’d been ringing your phone, or had the decency to return the calls….
• I have one number for  you. What other way should I have tried to reach you? Seance? Mind travel? By the way, I’m excited you have a Galaxy Tab, SMH.
• Why didn’t you just deliver when you said you would?

This rep sent someone to deliver the goods the day before they were to be used (didn’t have the courtesy to bring them personally or even send a delivery/quantity note), and you can bet they were substandard. What did we do? Nothing. Why? Family. Will we use Company B’s service again? Not even if our lives depended on it!

There you have it! Thank me later…

Related articles

• The 7 Deadly Sins of Social Media (business2community.com)
• Heartaches and Headaches (haphazardhappenings.wordpress.com)
• Using Social Media: Show and Tell (asocialmedium.wordpress.com)

Catfish, Blakes, and a wonderful evening of entertainment

Wow!! So it’s been a month already since I got back? Thank you God for life, love, and all that good stuff, I’m definitely grateful!

Ok, let’s pretend I’m not back yet, or better still, that it’s the last week before I get back.

On Wednesday I spent a lovely evening with @attaswitch, @glamblackbarbie, and @tilishoz at Yogurrberry, one of the many spots in a place called Food City. I had beautifully grilled cod from Fish Place; well marinated and softly grilled so it was literally dripping with juices. The black sauce (native to Ghana) was a nice touch, was hot but I really enjoyed it! And the tomatoes, oh the crunchy yet succulent tomatoes! And they were kind enough to give me more slices when I ‘Oliver twisted’, plenty brownie points there!

Did I mention I met @maihoto (photographer/entrepreneur extraordinaire) for the first time there? Really cool to chat and share our food/business experiences!

Thursday I hung out at Vanity for a friend’s birthday party, and then it was off to Play for my first BYOB in almost 18 months.

Friday was the real deal though, boom! I went (on invitation) to Blakes with Deji and Peter. Deji is a seasoned (as in well spiced) content producer, editor, story teller, project manager (I could go on and on), while Peter’s an environmentalist, a German who’s in Nigeria (for the first time) interning with Heinrich Boll.

We got in, three children of God with dreadlocks (yes I locked my hair again), so everyone just assumed (wrongly) that we would be speaking patois, and it was hilarious to hear various versions with the greetings we got.

Anyway! We had chicken suya (wasn’t very impressed), and then we had grilled catfish. Boom! Was lovely! I took pictures, yep, yep!

By this time the performances had started. I made quite a few videos but we were sat upstairs so they’re a little far away. I promise you’ll be able to see what we saw, and the audio is great too!

Started with this guy doing tricks, lovely!

Then there were two guys dancing; I would advise them not to give up their day jobs, honestly.

Then this impression of Fela that was so cool, it got us up on our feet!

Aha! There was this guy who swung from Elton John to Carlos Santana, wasn’t impressed, especially since his back up singer was wearing knee high boots!

The clincher was the guy who sang Diallo, and then went on sing quite a few of Bob Marley’s songs. We were already up on our feet anyway, so we rocked to it!

And then it was time to go! We were exhausted, but I’m sure we all had a lovely time, and Peter enjoyed the fish! Was a nice way to wrap on a fabulous month in Nigeria, and I look forward to when I can go back to Blakes again!

P: S – Written exactly one month ago (wee hours of the morning of the 30^th).

When to stay and work, or just let go…

If you read my ‘I have a dream‘ post, beyond my hopes and dreams for this blessed country Nigeria you’d see that for most of my life I’ve wanted to be different things. Before I go on I must thank my parents for putting up with all of them, and supporting me every step of the way.

I’ve wanted to be a doctor (thank God for my unique JAMB score that convinced me medicine wasn’t for me), I’ve wanted to be a tailor (after getting frustrated severally by tailors), and yes, I’ve wanted to be a bead maker (I actually took classes for this). Let’s talk about the beads for a minute shall we?

It was early 2007 (the year of the famous driving lessons). I was in Port Harcourt, back from Ibadan, and desperately in need of activities to occupy myself with while I waited to serve (NYSC). By the way, I’d resigned my job as a banker Christmas of 2006. I woke up one morning and said I wanted to learn to make beads. I talked about it all night, all day, and by the next night my dad had found a lady who taught classes. I was under her tutelage for a month, and then I collected ‘capital’ from my dad to buy beads and start my business.

I sold a couple o, and then it was Mother’s Day. I made three beautiful sets (with the best of my beads) to give the older ladies I admired in church and I remember my dad asking, “with all these gifts you’re giving when am I going to start getting returns on my investment?” Suffice to say he’s still waiting on that return today because after a while I became content with making stuff only for myself. Bless you Daddy!

Back to the ‘letting go’ title of today, sometimes we find that things that used to excite us don’t excite us anymore. Quick example – I was hooked on Chicken Royale (with extra cheese) from Burger King and I lived for days when I’d just pop in and treat myself. I weighed myself in September though and what I saw on the scales all but killed that craving! I haven’t had one (or any other burger) since then. Not cos I don’t like them, but because there are ‘bigger’ things at stake. Ahh!

What is suffering because you’re putting up with something/someone you should let go off? Could be work, family, career development/growth or maybe your own happiness you’ve staked for something that doesn’t/shouldn’t rank as high?

Note that I’m not telling you to become a quitter – walk away once people/things don’t work out instead of trying to fix them – not at all. Of course you should try. Satisfy your conscience that you’ve put in your best, and then let it go. Simple. According to my mom, “there’s no need postponing the evil day, pull off the plaster already.”

So, if it’s not working, if it’s causing you more grief than it’s giving you happiness, if your safety is being compromised and you cannot fix it regardless of how hard you’ve tried, let it go.

Seriously.

My New Chosen Career…

I made a decision this morning, and that is to be very rich. Mind you, I have always wanted to be rich, but this morning I decided on a new course of action to achieve that goal. I am going to get into public office (currently working on schematics) and then I will do one thing – plunder like there is no tomorrow.

I will award contracts to phony companies set up in different variations of my name and the names of my family members, and to my friends as soon as they sign over a minimum of 30% of the contract sum to me. Whether they deliver or not is immaterial, and I can always look good from making a big show of threatening to revoke said contracts when I’m up for a second or third term.

Ahh! I will give personal gifts using public funds, including cars, landed property, trips abroad, livestock, you name it – all that matters is that I’m seen as generous, loving, and supportive. Doesn’t matter that basic amenities in the areas under my jurisdiction are non-existent or dilapidated, that the people whose votes (whether real or stolen) put me in that office are impoverished, or whether I cannot even bear to live in my place of primary assignment because of the alarming level of crime that I have done sod all about. I will give gifts on behalf of my family and myself to whosoever I please, and I won’t give a damn what you think.

Why won’t I give a damn? Errr, because apart from craft cleverly worded tweets and Facebook updates, you don’t do much else. Matter of fact, I can count a good number of your activist peers who pay me nocturnal tea visits, hoping for a slice of national cake to go with it.

Why don’t I give a damn? Let’s see… right. Another reason is because traditional rulers, who should be the custodians of our culture, teachers of right and wrong, and role models for the community, have made camp with political parties that best serve their interests regardless of ideology.

Long as you use the creamiest butter on their bread, doesn’t matter if you’re a rogue, murderer, or pedophile. I’ve been advised that once I’m in that office, they will flock to me, begging to give me chieftaincy titles. And I will accept, because I am an illustrious son of the soil.

You know the biggest reason why I don’t care though? The more wealth I amass, the more immune to prosecution I become. Ahh, there are even some offices I can occupy where something called the ‘immunity clause’ posits that I am above the law.

A thousand blessings to the brains that enacted and ratified that law, it is one of the reasons I aspire to public office. For all the enemies of progress who at one time or the other tried to campaign against that clause, it will not be well with you!

Now, in the event that I offend someone higher up who decides to embarrass with a robbery/fraud accusation, I can decide to engage my army of thugs to fight off the Policemen who dared to try to arrest me, or simply flee to another country to escape prosecution. If the odds are stacked against me and the Police there get a hold of me too, I can post bail, and then escape!! Yes, flee that evil land either dressed as a woman, a circus animal, or inside a drum of oil.

There’s no place like home. I’ll return knowing fully well that after a few days of talking about me and my triumphant entry from my sojourn abroad, they’ll move on to ‘fighting corruption’ in other quarters. And the icing on the cake?

A few years of laying low, bowing at strategic shrines, rebuilding my profile, and of course showing remorse, and I get a presidential pardon! Glory! My slate is wiped clean, and I am free to vie for office again to finish what I started, serving my country with all my strength.

Background reading

Presidential pardon sparks outrage & Nigeria pardons Goodluck Jonathan ally

P:S – originally posted on the Future Challenges site on the 20th of March 2013.

It’s my sister’s birthday!!!

Whoop!!!!

It’s my sister’s birthday today!! Whoop!! My darling big sister is a year older today (in case the ‘it’s my sister’s birthday’ didn’t get you jumping with glee, lol) and I’m so excited she’s alive and well, and happy, and a mother to the cutest baby in the world, my darling nephew Boo Boo!!

My darling sister and my boy!!!

Happy birthday big sister, welcome to a new year full of God’s blessings and favor and love and grace and peace and happiness and plenty money and good health and joy and promotions and fulfilment and more children (remember Momma wants five from you)!

We love you loads. We do. Now rock out!!! Whoop!!

 

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“I’m different” – Chatting to Aberdeen’s premier make-up artist.

Whoo! Nice to bring back with The Entrepreneur series with this interview! I got talking with Francesca Megwa, CEO at makeup-artist Aberdeen, and mother to a most beautiful daughter!

D Fairy GodSister: Hey babe, welcome to The Entrepreneur! Would you tell us three reasons you think your business stands out from others?

Francesca’s take on Natalie’s Portman’s Black Swan character

Francesca: Hello Fairy GodSister! Being in the beauty industry you have to be dynamic and grow with the times. Sadly some artists get left behind because of this. My business is fashion/trend aware yet tailored to every individual, plus it’s fun and very educating.

D Fairy GodSister: What do you mean by ‘grow with the times’?

Francesca: Today the beauty industry has grown immensely. Cosmetics aren’t what they used to be just 10 years ago. Competition has made it that there are a variety of ways to look and feel beautiful; keeping up with these new techniques, products and upcoming companies is how I grow with the times. Your style has to evolve like the industry you’re in.

D Fairy GodSister: Have you always wanted to be involved with cosmetics and make up artistry or you just dabbled?

Francesca: Well I’ve always considered myself artistic, not on paper I’m afraid, but in my expression and way of life generally. I’ve always been ‘artsy’. Makeup however was a different ballgame. But I found it was one thing that came naturally to me. It never seemed like a chore or task it just flowed. I started experimenting on myself as most artists do and when I discovered I loved makeup, the journey began. So it was just a dabble in the end I guess or fate as I always say.

D Fairy GodSister: You seem to have a thing for bridal makeup. Is that what you’re most comfortable with?

Francesca: Funny enough that was the real dabble. I’ve always been more of an editorial artist. I love the freedom of expression that comes with that. It’s creative and most times I discover a lot about artistry, my products and myself after a shoot just because you get to work with other people. However when I moved to Scotland I decided to do more bridal work. I’m in love with the bridal atmosphere, its unrivalled. The fact that you get to spend that time with someone on such an important day of their life is always humbling to me. I love the transformation, and you feel more rewarded when you see how happy you’ve made a bride on such a day. It’s lovely experience.

D Fairy GodSister: What’s an editorial artist?

Francesca: Editorial shoots are mainly what I enjoy. A common misconception is the term an editorial artist. The gig is what is editorial not the artist. In an editorial shoot you’re not just showcasing the makeup or clothes etc. You’re conveying more of a theme or a story as opposed to a beauty shoot, which enhances the models features, or fashion makeup that should enhance the fashion being showcased not distract from it. So an editorial shoot could have an avant-garde or androgynous theme. So when I say editorial artist I’m referring to the type of work I not necessarily the type of makeup.

An example of a ‘fashion editorial’. The portfolio is here

D Fairy GodSister: New knowledge, thank you! Do you think the market is saturated? Like, everyone is a makeup artist these days?

Francesca: Hahahaha, well it seems that way for sure. But I always say as long as you enjoy your craft and you’re willing to invest time and effort to it then do. There’s enough room for everyone! What I’m not a fan of is waking up one morning, doing a friend’s makeup and bam! You call yourself a makeup artist.

D Fairy GodSister: Lol! Shutting down now, how do you cope with being an entrepreneur and a mother?

Francesca: Oh wow, I could write a book on this one! But I can honestly say that having a supportive husband makes my life and work an enjoyable balance. I don’t feel that either aspect suffers. It’s hard and requires a lot of love to set up a business on your own but it’s worth it. I am the very first example of a working mum that my daughter will see so I have that ringing in my ear everyday. I aim to pave the way for her, be a great example and most of all show her that her dreams are achievable, just like my husband has taught me.

Beauty shot…

D Fairy GodSister: Awww…. Bless you! Do you find yourself trying out stuff on her?

Francesca: Well, he watches me a lot and she’s at that age where colours excite her. But no, not yet. She’ll only try on my lipsticks from my kisses *smile*

D Fairy GodSister: You’ve been great Francesca! Any final words? Messages to your fans?

Francesca: awww thanks love! My final words would be ‘you are your brand’. Don’t act a certain way and think it won’t be transferred to your brand! Be patient and start out right, it’s harder to re-brand after selling yourself short or making a wrong first impression. And finally be kind! No matter how brilliant or pretty you are no one would care about that of you are mean!

D Fairy GodSister: Thank you Francesca!

Francesca: Awww thanks love and thank you for the opportunity, I enjoy chatting to you as always. Hugs!

The lovely Francesca!

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RE: GTB, my card is here!

Whoop!!!

My Guaranty Trust Bank (GTB) ATM card is here! Finally!

In case you  missed the very sad story on my ‘ordeal’ with the Bloomsbury branch of Guaranty Trust Bank in Abuja, it is here.

So, I published the story the day after I got back into London, and there were retweets, comments, all of that; the solidarity was incredible. Maybe because I’m a good person (big smile) or seriously, maybe because there are quite a few people with a chip on their shoulder for GTB. Judge for yourself from the comments.

Anyway, from the day the post went up, different GTB officials got in touch, and said they’d send the card to me.

Long story short, my card arrived in the post yesterday. Whoop! A few pictures…

Old card…. can finally be laid to rest.

The new card… Plus a
‘love letter’ from GT, was thinking they’d compensate me for the ‘trauma’ I suffered sef.

The parcel…. Whoop!

I’m particularly thankful to Pauline (TSG, Abuja), Onyeka (Abuja), Olaniyi (Lagos), and especially Bukola from the Victoria Island branch who made it a point of duty to keep calling and updating me on the activities to sort me (and the card) out.

Thank you so much!

Final word? Dear GTB, I am a trained social media strategist with varied levels of experience (including catering to really large numbers). I’m happy to design a training module for your social media team, they could really do with a few tips to be honest. You have my number!

 

 

Tales from driving school…

Ok, so like every other human being I have a tendency to forget. I don’t forget birthdays or anniversaries if I can help it but I tend to forget other stuff (even fairies aren’t perfect)

Big example: on Friday (exactly one week today) I was on my couch editing articles writing a few, responding to emails, just getting through my pile of work for the day Next thing about 1:15pm my phone rings and it is my driving instructor.

D.I – hi Chioma! I’ve been trying to find your house. It is the one with the barriers isn’t it?

FGS – Yep! What’s up? Is there a problem?

D.I – You have a driving lesson for 1pm today! I’m just a few minutes late because I had a little trouble finding the place.

FGS – oh! I’ll be right down!

I totally forgot! Don’t blame me too much though, I booked this lesson first in February, and then changed the date for this first class in the first few days of March. That’s a month ago (and some), ample time for my mind to get clogged with other matters!

Why am I taking driving lessons now? Not like I didn’t take them before o, it’s just that I learned to drive with a manual car, but once I drove my first automatic, I never looked back. And because of a little incident with my final driving lesson, it was easy to forget to drive stick-shift cars.

I mean, life is hard enough - why add the turmoil of the clutch/accelerator/gear change business to it? It’s already a lot to look in all the mirrors, drive for yourself and the people around you (especially when you have traffic and crazy drivers to contend with), and yet enjoy the ride!

Quick digression: Asaba, 2006 or 2007. My darling father had gotten me a driving instructor. We’d done very well over a short period but we all know the test of a good driver is how well they can reverse.

Funnily, I did well with that too, and then after a while I got cocky. I started reversing round a tree. Yup. I know, I can imagine what you’re thinking. Each time I came full circle, I’d step on the gas a little more. Till I ran into a parked car in the compound, and sent shards of her headlights flying.

Dad heard the crash and soon as he confirmed I was fine (and I had stopped crying, lol), he sent me back to continue driving. I’m grateful he did that because every time I remember that incident now I remember that I drove right after that, and I feel a lot better. And I haven’t run into anything or anyone since then.

Back to why I’m taking lessons. I need to pass a theory and practical driving test to get a license, and I plan to get all these done before my birthday in May.

My progress card…. Seriously!

The clutch and brakes in the passenger side of the car we’re using for the lessons. Very cool…. And a handy safety precaution!

My instructor is a great, patient guy, and I know I won’t get ahead of myself this time.

Gotta go now, it’s time for my class!

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Back to our pinch of humor series…

My people!!

Long time!

Forgive me jor, I didn’t plan to just stay away like that. I’ve had a lot on my plate though, new roles, courses, etc. Not an excuse though, and I’m going to shush and get to the reason why you’re here!

 

Lol!!

Yes o! Proper ‘resemble’

Seriously! SMH.

Lol!! Wicked man!

Ask me o!

Six pictures today (the extra is cos I want you to see how sorry I am)!

Classic!!!

Have a good rest of the day, and a fabulous, extra-productive week ahead!