It’s my sister’s birthday!!!

Whoop!!!!

It’s my sister’s birthday today!! Whoop!! My darling big sister is a year older today (in case the ‘it’s my sister’s birthday’ didn’t get you jumping with glee, lol) and I’m so excited she’s alive and well, and happy, and a mother to the cutest baby in the world, my darling nephew Boo Boo!!

My darling sister and my boy!!!

Happy birthday big sister, welcome to a new year full of God’s blessings and favor and love and grace and peace and happiness and plenty money and good health and joy and promotions and fulfilment and more children (remember Momma wants five from you)!

We love you loads. We do. Now rock out!!! Whoop!!

 

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Back to our pinch of humor series…

My people!!

Long time!

Forgive me jor, I didn’t plan to just stay away like that. I’ve had a lot on my plate though, new roles, courses, etc. Not an excuse though, and I’m going to shush and get to the reason why you’re here!

 

Lol!!

Yes o! Proper ‘resemble’

Seriously! SMH.

Lol!! Wicked man!

Ask me o!

Six pictures today (the extra is cos I want you to see how sorry I am)!

Classic!!!

Have a good rest of the day, and a fabulous, extra-productive week ahead!

 

Protecting ourselves and our little ones….

My Darlings, take heed for the days are evil. Evil has drawn so near to us we cannot afford to be lax in securing ourselves and our loved ones.

I was chatting with Momma this morning, and the story she told me chilled me to the bones. I’ll recount the story below, and hopefully the knowledge gained from it will save at least one person from the situation. I’ve changed the child’s name and refrained from mentioning any location to protect their anonymity.

A family friend has three boys and a girl, with ages between one and 11 years. One evening after finishing with their homework  the children were riding their bicycles outside in their neighbourhood, while she was in the house doing some chores and catering  to the little baby. About 6pm she went outside to bring them in for their night bath and dinner. To her surprise, they were not ‘complete’. “Where is *Ben”, she asked? “Our neighbour (living opposite their house) called him so he went into their compound. He hasn’t come back yet’. This mother went into the said compound only for the person who called seven-year old Ben to say that his uncle put Ben on a bike and went out. What!!!!!

Alarmed, the woman called her husband who came home and called the Police. Of course they notified my parents and everyone started to pray for his safe return. They called the said Uncle severally, his phone was either switched off or he wouldn’t pick up at all. 24 hours after, no word, no ransom call, nothing.

The Police arrested the young man who lured Ben into their compound, and took him to his village in a different state where they arrested his parents. 72 hours after, no word – everyone continued to pray, and the poor mother was beside herself with worry.

The Police were smart in a way though; they alerted the resident vigilant group in the village though, and everyone was on the lookout for this evil Uncle. This was the fifth day.

One particular day, a man carrying home his produce from the farm noticed a man walking into the deep parts of the bush with two young boys, half dragging one of them. They were quite far from him so he couldn’t make out their faces but when he got home, he told someone who told someone who mentioned it to the vigilante group. The vigilante group immediately made camp at the entrance and exit points of the forest, and started waiting.

After about 24 hours, the man appeared, and when he was questioned, said he didn’t know anything about the boys, and he just entered the bushes to pray, a personal retreat of some sort. It was only when he’d been doused with petrol and a tire was hanging round his neck that he confessed and then took the villagers to the place where he hid the children, our family friend, and another young boy.

This story ended well, and I was joking with my Momma and said I’m sure that mother won’t let her children out of her sight again!!

When I wrote about pedophiles and child molestation cases on the rise sometime in 2010, apart from ranting I mentioned some ways we can protect ourselves and our little ones while we wait for our government to leave the comatose state it is in presently. Ladies and gentlemen, the days are evil. Let’s teach our children little things like

• Talking to strangers is forbidden.
• Following ANYONE is forbidden, be it uncle, aunty,neighbour, friend at school, no one except mummy or daddy give their express permission in person. They shouldn’t listen to ‘your mommy said you should follow me’.
• Call me paranoid but have codes with your children. I’m an adult but apart from knowing my parent’s voice and writing style, there are words/names they use with us without fail each time we communicate. If I don’t hear that, it’s not them. Grow your kids like that.
• Teach them not to beg o!!! And not to accept anything to eat or drink without mummy and daddy’s express permission.

It’s always better to be safe than sorry.

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The Day Before Mother’s Day…..

No other explanation is needed!

Ha ha ha!!!! Darling wife!!

Lol…. I couldn’t even laugh…

*sigh*

In case you want to wear them on your arms right?

Enjoy!!!! And share, preferably with a female (mother or not) with a hug and a kiss because it’s Mother’s Day tomorrow!

A laugh for the first of the third……..

First Saturday in the third month of the year!!

We’re going straight into the pictures for the day, enjoy!! And share with a friend!

Picture of the day for me!

*sigh*

Zing!!

Lmao!!!! Life isn’t this serious!

I normally don’t do religion but I couldn’t pass up on this one!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend and have a fabulous week ahead!

TwO mOrNiNg’S aFtEr….

Hello!!!

Valentine’s come and gone; what did you do? Where did you go? What did you give, and what did you get? I could totally make a song out of this, check my rhyme scheme out! While I sort out the rest of the lyrics, you better start talking!!

Really though, did you have fun? Go somewhere nice? Did he put a ring on it? What!! He didn’t? He’s waiting for you to grow old first? Or in the words of my dear friend, he’s waiting for all your eggs to boil first? Lmao!!

I had a swell Valentine’s Day. Full stop o!!  I can see you settled in nicely, waiting to hear what I did on the day…. Tatafo United! I caught you! And I’m not telling cos I asked first. *tongue out*

While you type, here are the pictures for this week’s Pinch of Humor!

Cutcy: the Groom’s family. OK.

 

Lmao!! Having a mistake on your back forever! *sigh*

 

Don’t you just love family? My ‘knees’!

 

Did you die? Dead!!!!!

 

Really? Really really?

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CAIRO!!! WHOOP!!!

Ok!! So, the correct progression of my christmas travels is London to Cairo, had a one hour stop over then it was Cairo to Abuja. Spent a lovely Christmas in Nigeria touching Lagos, Asaba, Calabar, and Abuja (of course), then it was time to head back and that birthed the Abuja to Cairo post! Didn’t do a Cairo back to London post (no need, was pretty uneventful) but I definitely did a Cairo post. It’s this one!! Whoop!!

Ok, so following up from the Abuja to Cairo post, I woke up about 7am, refreshed from a long, peaceful night’s rest. Told myself I would have a shower and then go down for breakfast; next thing I knew it was 9am and I was still struggling to open my second eye.

30 minutes late I was in the breakfast room, and the only thing I can say is that Egyptians eat some really weird things!! I can imagine that’s what they’d say about some of our traditional stuff too though; I remember one of my English friends calling my delicious meal of eba and okro soup ‘dodgy’…. said the okro soup was ‘slimy’. Lol!

Anyways, Breakfast was lovely though, and my omelette was on point!! Kinda torn between who does eggs better now, me or them! I think it’s me though, has to be me…

Spent a few minutes in the travel shop in the hotel, and I saw this collage of notes I just had to take pictures of! Hopefully my picture is clear enough for me to ask you to do me a favor, find your home currency, or tell me how many currencies you can identify! Ready? Go!

Look!

look!

Look!

Speaking of money, the night I got in, I changed $100 at one of the banks at the airport. I didn’t count what he gave me back, and I was so tired all I heard was ‘something something 48 Egyptian Pounds; it was in the shop in the hotel I found out he had given me 648 Egyptian Pounds! So now you know the exchange rate, and I was happy I had a bit of spending money!

Bought two vials of Egyptian oil scents, mixes of Nefertiti, Horsi, vanilla, and something that had a wood/cigar smell, can’t remember the name now. They smelled amazing individually, but the mix was just on point!! I should patent it or something…

My new mash-up collection…. Can’t wait to start using them!

We wrapped up nicely because it was a really chilly morning, and then went out on a tour of the city! Went to the River Nile first; there’s a major drainage issue with the roads because the little bit of rain that morning and everywhere was literally flooded! Not flooded washing away houses kind of flooded o, just a level of water above the road. Not good. And all the cars I saw were filthy!

Headed through inner city streets to the pyramids, the best part of the tour for me!! Below are ten of my best pictures; I’ll find time to upload all the rest to my Flickr or something…

Olameday, Hannah and I at the River Nile…

Keke napep!! Whoop!!

KFC and Pizza Hut… bet all the meat is halal!!

One of the three pyramids….

Another favorite!

Loved this!!! My favorite picture!!

Riding in the carriage!!

@Olameday and I!

Our tour guide….

Lol!!! Crazy driver he was!!

One of the many statues I saw…. Nice!

Ran into some epic traffic on the drive back to the hotel but we made it, and rushed through lunch. I got royally ticked off by some other Nigerians (babies in adult bodies, SMH), but got it together enough to be civil.

Got to the airport, we were already checked in so I retrieved my passport and it was of to board!

Wait!! On the way to our boarding gate, @Olameday and I couldn’t help stopping by the Haagen Daz counter? Want to see what I got?

Waffles, vanilla and chocolate chip ice cream! Whoop!

Ok, back to the plane now. Yep, I slept, almost as soon as the plane took off.

Cairo was fun!! I pray for them today, that they sort out their issues and truly experience the all-inclusive democracy they desire. Amen.

ThAt MoNtH oF lOvE! WhOoP!

This is February, the month of looooooove!!! Whoop!!! Of course, the Valentine adverts and decorations have been up around these parts since the last week in January, *sigh*

You know here yeah, we move from Christmas decorations to Valentine, to Mother’s Day, then to Easter, and then to Father’s Day before there’s a break. I like it though, everyone claims to have one sale or the other in the name of these Celebrations. And just so you know, £3 to £2.10 doesn’t qualify as sales in my books!!

On to the pictures for the day, let’s see if we can throw in any love related ones!

Ever been in this position before? Lol!

 

You won’t catch me dead here!

 

Please don’t drink and drive this year, totally not worth it!

 

The blind attempting to correct one with 20/20 vision! Lol!

 

Four tries and he didn’t get ‘Porsche’? Ok!!

And yes, because it’s the month of loooooove (lol…. I have one precious friend like that who pronounces ‘love’ in such a hilarious way it cracks me up every single time) we have an extra picture!! This one hopefully will help your relationship! Look, and learn! Lol!

Ha! Ha! Ha!

That’s all folks! Have a good one! Hugs!

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P.O.H People! HaPpY nEw YeAr!

Pinch of humor people!! Happy New Year!! Don’t even look at me like the greeting is coming late, save the wrinkling of your noses for the people who will tell you Happy New Year in June! Accept my own with open arms, so you can….. (I don’t know jor, put anything you want there).

We had a good last year with the Pinch of Humor category, and I’ll always be grateful to Mr Mobility; the inspiration to start this came after I chatted with him and he encouraged me through a tough patch I was in. Thank you Bro!

This year? NO breaks, no missed weeks, nothing!! We have to keep this growing from strength to strength this year (or from laugh to laugh, lol). Let’s get to it already!

Oh no!

 

These ‘akpos’ jokes are to die for!

 

Is it that serious? Really? Lol!

 

Psalm 23…. Is there anything we won’t play with?

That’s it good people! Enjoy the rest of your weekend, and have a brilliant week ahead. And before I forget, Happy New Year again!

 

This actually happens?

 

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JuSt In CaSe YoUr HaIr Is ShOrT aNd CuRlY…..

So I’ve had a good week, got back into London on Monday after being away for over two months! Was great to be away (I tell you) but it’s even nicer to be back, settle in, and get some quality work done!

My niece and nephew have been here on holiday since the middle of July, and it was really great to see them after such a while! Took my seven-year old handsome to see Ice Age 4 on Wednesday and he spent half the movie time trying to tell me about his birthday party at Thorpe Park! Errrr, what happened to before or after the movie Sir? Kids!!

Then I went shopping with the 15-year-old (going on 30) diva yesterday, and guess what she was interested in? Do you have a 15-year-old? Yup, you guessed right! I had a good time though, and lots of laughs so I’m not even complaining.

I’ll complain about this though, and bitterly too. So I took the niece and nephew to Lakeside Shopping Mall yesterday (the 13^th), and amongst other things we needed to get a haircut for my nephew David. Was a little urgent because he had not only stuck bubble gum on one side of his hair the night before, but earlier in the day he had been fooling around and nicked off a patch of his hair with a pair of scissors. See the picture yet? Kids!

Anyways, so we went into SuperCuts, I said like to get his hair cut, and they said the child price was £9.95. I agreed, they took his name, and then asked us to sit down, that someone would be with us in two minutes. Now there’s a Greggs just beside it so I was going to get us all something to nibble on, an incentive for my nephew to have a haircut devoid of tears.

Next thing two ladies beckoned on me and said, ‘we’re sorry but we cannot cut his hair, we’re not insured to do so’. Confused, I asked why. They said, ‘his hair is short and curly and we’re not insured to do this type of hair’. I said they should cut it using his own clippers (Nigerians always carry around their own shaving kits) and they said even then they wouldn’t be able to do his hair. I smiled, said thank, and we left; inside I was seething.

Does ‘that’ still happen? In 2012? Seriously? Even to a child? And you know, now that I think of it, it was the way the lady said, ‘oh let me think of another hair salon you can go to in this mall’, and then I stood there for a few minutes. When she just kept looking back at me saying, ‘uhmmm’, I got the message, and left. What the hell!!

When my nephew asked why they didn’t cut his hair, I lied to him and said his shaving kit didn’t fit their sockets in the salon. He said ok but when I said we should walk around and find another barbershop he said, ‘let’s look for one that has black people inside aunty Chioma, or let’s go home, and Uncle Akpofure can cut it for me when I go back to Abuja’.

So he knew, and that made me very angry.

Did SuperCuts have a sign at the door saying ‘@SuperCuts we only cater to long, straight hair’? No. Is the equipment for cutting the ‘two types’ of hair different? I don’t think so!

Dear @supercutsuk, I don’t know what to say to you. We got a barber who can handle short, curly hair to come to the house to cut my nephew’s hair, and he leaves for Nigeria tonight. But I’ll make sure you don’t do what you did to me, to anyone else.

The short, curly hair….

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