Catfish, Blakes, and a wonderful evening of entertainment

Wow!! So it’s been a month already since I got back? Thank you God for life, love, and all that good stuff, I’m definitely grateful!

Ok, let’s pretend I’m not back yet, or better still, that it’s the last week before I get back.

On Wednesday I spent a lovely evening with @attaswitch, @glamblackbarbie, and @tilishoz at Yogurrberry, one of the many spots in a place called Food City. I had beautifully grilled cod from Fish Place; well marinated and softly grilled so it was literally dripping with juices. The black sauce (native to Ghana) was a nice touch, was hot but I really enjoyed it! And the tomatoes, oh the crunchy yet succulent tomatoes! And they were kind enough to give me more slices when I ‘Oliver twisted’, plenty brownie points there!

Did I mention I met @maihoto (photographer/entrepreneur extraordinaire) for the first time there? Really cool to chat and share our food/business experiences!

Thursday I hung out at Vanity for a friend’s birthday party, and then it was off to Play for my first BYOB in almost 18 months.

Friday was the real deal though, boom! I went (on invitation) to Blakes with Deji and Peter. Deji is a seasoned (as in well spiced) content producer, editor, story teller, project manager (I could go on and on), while Peter’s an environmentalist, a German who’s in Nigeria (for the first time) interning with Heinrich Boll.

We got in, three children of God with dreadlocks (yes I locked my hair again), so everyone just assumed (wrongly) that we would be speaking patois, and it was hilarious to hear various versions with the greetings we got.

Anyway! We had chicken suya (wasn’t very impressed), and then we had grilled catfish. Boom! Was lovely! I took pictures, yep, yep!

By this time the performances had started. I made quite a few videos but we were sat upstairs so they’re a little far away. I promise you’ll be able to see what we saw, and the audio is great too!

Started with this guy doing tricks, lovely!

Then there were two guys dancing; I would advise them not to give up their day jobs, honestly.

Then this impression of Fela that was so cool, it got us up on our feet!

Aha! There was this guy who swung from Elton John to Carlos Santana, wasn’t impressed, especially since his back up singer was wearing knee high boots!

The clincher was the guy who sang Diallo, and then went on sing quite a few of Bob Marley’s songs. We were already up on our feet anyway, so we rocked to it!

And then it was time to go! We were exhausted, but I’m sure we all had a lovely time, and Peter enjoyed the fish! Was a nice way to wrap on a fabulous month in Nigeria, and I look forward to when I can go back to Blakes again!

P: S – Written exactly one month ago (wee hours of the morning of the 30^th).

Protecting ourselves and our little ones….

My Darlings, take heed for the days are evil. Evil has drawn so near to us we cannot afford to be lax in securing ourselves and our loved ones.

I was chatting with Momma this morning, and the story she told me chilled me to the bones. I’ll recount the story below, and hopefully the knowledge gained from it will save at least one person from the situation. I’ve changed the child’s name and refrained from mentioning any location to protect their anonymity.

A family friend has three boys and a girl, with ages between one and 11 years. One evening after finishing with their homework  the children were riding their bicycles outside in their neighbourhood, while she was in the house doing some chores and catering  to the little baby. About 6pm she went outside to bring them in for their night bath and dinner. To her surprise, they were not ‘complete’. “Where is *Ben”, she asked? “Our neighbour (living opposite their house) called him so he went into their compound. He hasn’t come back yet’. This mother went into the said compound only for the person who called seven-year old Ben to say that his uncle put Ben on a bike and went out. What!!!!!

Alarmed, the woman called her husband who came home and called the Police. Of course they notified my parents and everyone started to pray for his safe return. They called the said Uncle severally, his phone was either switched off or he wouldn’t pick up at all. 24 hours after, no word, no ransom call, nothing.

The Police arrested the young man who lured Ben into their compound, and took him to his village in a different state where they arrested his parents. 72 hours after, no word – everyone continued to pray, and the poor mother was beside herself with worry.

The Police were smart in a way though; they alerted the resident vigilant group in the village though, and everyone was on the lookout for this evil Uncle. This was the fifth day.

One particular day, a man carrying home his produce from the farm noticed a man walking into the deep parts of the bush with two young boys, half dragging one of them. They were quite far from him so he couldn’t make out their faces but when he got home, he told someone who told someone who mentioned it to the vigilante group. The vigilante group immediately made camp at the entrance and exit points of the forest, and started waiting.

After about 24 hours, the man appeared, and when he was questioned, said he didn’t know anything about the boys, and he just entered the bushes to pray, a personal retreat of some sort. It was only when he’d been doused with petrol and a tire was hanging round his neck that he confessed and then took the villagers to the place where he hid the children, our family friend, and another young boy.

This story ended well, and I was joking with my Momma and said I’m sure that mother won’t let her children out of her sight again!!

When I wrote about pedophiles and child molestation cases on the rise sometime in 2010, apart from ranting I mentioned some ways we can protect ourselves and our little ones while we wait for our government to leave the comatose state it is in presently. Ladies and gentlemen, the days are evil. Let’s teach our children little things like

• Talking to strangers is forbidden.
• Following ANYONE is forbidden, be it uncle, aunty,neighbour, friend at school, no one except mummy or daddy give their express permission in person. They shouldn’t listen to ‘your mommy said you should follow me’.
• Call me paranoid but have codes with your children. I’m an adult but apart from knowing my parent’s voice and writing style, there are words/names they use with us without fail each time we communicate. If I don’t hear that, it’s not them. Grow your kids like that.
• Teach them not to beg o!!! And not to accept anything to eat or drink without mummy and daddy’s express permission.

It’s always better to be safe than sorry.

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2012 in review – Thank You!

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

4,329 films were submitted to the 2012 Cannes Film Festival. This blog had 17,000 views in 2012. If each view were a film, this blog would power 4 Film Festivals

Click here to see the complete report.

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For @dorymanze

So I had a bit of a rant on Twitter on the 2^nd of October. Nine days later and the matter hasn’t left my mind, so I knew I had to write about it. And what better day than today, the International Day of the Girl?

Why the vexation? I saw a retweet by a friend where a lady (@dorymanze) said Sad right? It gets worse. One of the people who saw her tweet, a certain @darmmie3264i, said this in response to it. 

To start with, I personally think the Abuja Environmental Protection Agency (AEPB) should be scrapped, and fast. There are too many stories of how its officials have molested innocent people (especially females) in the name of ‘carrying out their duties’. The prostitutes they were mandated to get off the streets are worse off because not only is there no rehabilitation, they are manhandled, beaten, and fondled (the least of what a good number of them endure). Like most other government agencies, I think (no I know) that AEPB should be scrapped, especially since there’s a Ministry of Environment! This duplicity of office/function in Nigeria gives me major grief!

*breathe FGS, breathe* Ok, so if it was @dammie3264i’s sister, wife (partner or girlfriend), or even his mother who got molested by anyone, would he ask what they were wearing? My thinking is he would round up a bunch of his friends in a fit of rage and go defend their honor. And he would rant and rave, and start a Twitter campaign to get one million signatures to seek ‘justice’ for his own. It’s someone else now though, so it’s OK to run his mouth and ask her what she was wearing. He particularly said, “check yourself”. I can’t even deal!

Ladies and gentlemen, this IS the problem with Nigeria and I’ll tell you why. My dad in many of his sermons admonishes people to be ‘hoe’ rather than ‘shovel’ Christians. He says, “ when you hear a commandment from God, for instance, ‘thou shall not kill’, and you immediately think to yourself that the commandment is not for you but for criminals on the street, you err, and you’re a ‘shovel’ Christian. The better reaction to hearing that commandment would be to internalize the words and search yourself, see if by your words or actions you have caused death (literally or not), and then make amends, and work towards it not happening again. In other words, be a ‘hoe’ Christian”.

How does that apply to us? It’s not till things hit close to home that we see them as life or death issues. When people are getting bombed in Adamawa or Gombe and we’re in the comfort of our homes in Lagos or Abuja, it seems so ‘far away’, and all we do is pray for the repose of the souls of the dead on Twitter.

Our politicians, the people entrusted with ratifying our laws flout them with impunity, and because we are not related to them we call for their heads on a platter. Inside we’re praying to get elected or appointed to their position so we too can feed fat, and of course when it’s our parents or relations robbing the nation blind, our tongues are buried. We fall silent. We have different rules for different people. This ‘Animal Farm‘ scenario is the bane of our society, and we are all guilty.

Back to the AEPB. Is there a dress code that like a red cloth to a bull, justifies molestation? Even if this lady was dressed in fabric that had ‘molest me’ on every square inch, is that reason enough? OK, let’s even say she was dressed ‘indecently’ (and I think the AEPB, before they are scrapped should publish an ‘acceptable or not’ dress code for Abuja residents), do you handcuff her hands or her breasts? What were they touching those for?

I intentionally did not interview @dorymanze for this chronicle because I saw she’s told her story severally and I wanted to spare her the horror of reliving the horrible incident. I’m proud of her for speaking up because it is not the easiest thing to do, especially in our society. I hope (pray) she’s able to put this incident behind her, and move on with her life.

I won’t even bother with hoping she gets justice, that would be the height of naiveté.

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THE WEATHER…….

I saw this really cute quote; ‘laughter is the best blush, it puts roses on your cheeks and in your soul’…… Awwwww, that’s really nice isn’t it? That’s why we’ve got Pinch Of Humor!!!! Whoop!

Ok, first weekend in October, and the weather is changing…..Bright adults are now turning grey, and parents are trying to keep their kids as excited with their wardrobes as possible. As for me, I’m just trying to ease into it, Fairy GodSister style (whoop)!!

Here’s a little warmth for your day….

Is this true for you too?

LMAO!!!!!! The definition of beef!!

Where do you find these people!

Awwwwww!!! Isn’t she just precious!

Final picture for the day…….

Absolutely hilarious!!!!!

Ha! Ha! Ha!!! Have a good weekend, stay warm, stay blessed!!

Hugs!

 

 

 

 

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SEPTEMBER’s GONE…..

Wow! And just like that he first of the ‘ember’ months is gone, and…. it’s almost Christmas time!! Did you know that Christmas is my favorite time of the year? And nope, it’s not because of the 26th December shopping! I don’t even think I’ll be around for that this year…. Or will I?

Sorry, I digressed. It’s a lovely Saturday, I’m excited, great things are happening, I’m looking forward to a marvelous October (whoop), and I think today’s a good day for a pinch, sorry, loads of humor. Ready to get started?

Off @chxta, this must say how useful this person is to the company!

…since you had to ask……LMAO (Gotten off my girl Faizah!)

This is for my friends who are job hunting…. Get in touch! (Gotten off Ace)

‘Chieves’: Pray tell, where is the ’causer’? I’m asking you!! (Thank you @dfasoro)!

One more…… Hmmm, which one do I use now? By the way, did you know that if you were asked to do something that you normally do easily in the presence of others and you botch it, it was because you were under pressure? Lol… how many of you bothered to get to the end of the sentence? What else could it have been? Ha! Ha! Ha!

Sorry, final picture now…

Lol!!! So in other states you don’t need good underwear? Give him a ring ladies, especially if you’re in Abuja!! (Gotten off Faizah)

That’s all folks!! Start thinking of Christmas pressies for me will ya!

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LOVE, LOVE, LOVE…..

Hiya!!

How have you been? Great? What interesting things have you been up to? New job, relationship, family member, location, what’s been going on with you? Have you been well, no evil report, stuff going the way it should? Brilliant!

I’ve been well too, God has been good to me, I’m loving my life! Whoop!! And it’s all because of you (in NEYO‘s voice)… Lol. I guess I’m just very excited today. Why shouldn’t I be?

Pinch of humor: I  think today’s fix should be called hilarity because the pictures are just out of this world!!! Enjoy!

Courtesy Semm, this is one naughty baby!

Got this one off @ijwhiterabbit; I really like it!

Talk is cheap…..

This one was from Miss Ojeaga’s bbm…. love it! love it! looooove it!

And the final picture for today…… (drum roll)……

This one was off Ace, and is the crowning glory for the day!

Enjoy a fabulous, extra fun-filled weekend! Love God, love your family, love your friends, love yourself!

Hugs!

 

 

 

 

 

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JuSt In CaSe YoUr HaIr Is ShOrT aNd CuRlY…..

So I’ve had a good week, got back into London on Monday after being away for over two months! Was great to be away (I tell you) but it’s even nicer to be back, settle in, and get some quality work done!

My niece and nephew have been here on holiday since the middle of July, and it was really great to see them after such a while! Took my seven-year old handsome to see Ice Age 4 on Wednesday and he spent half the movie time trying to tell me about his birthday party at Thorpe Park! Errrr, what happened to before or after the movie Sir? Kids!!

Then I went shopping with the 15-year-old (going on 30) diva yesterday, and guess what she was interested in? Do you have a 15-year-old? Yup, you guessed right! I had a good time though, and lots of laughs so I’m not even complaining.

I’ll complain about this though, and bitterly too. So I took the niece and nephew to Lakeside Shopping Mall yesterday (the 13^th), and amongst other things we needed to get a haircut for my nephew David. Was a little urgent because he had not only stuck bubble gum on one side of his hair the night before, but earlier in the day he had been fooling around and nicked off a patch of his hair with a pair of scissors. See the picture yet? Kids!

Anyways, so we went into SuperCuts, I said like to get his hair cut, and they said the child price was £9.95. I agreed, they took his name, and then asked us to sit down, that someone would be with us in two minutes. Now there’s a Greggs just beside it so I was going to get us all something to nibble on, an incentive for my nephew to have a haircut devoid of tears.

Next thing two ladies beckoned on me and said, ‘we’re sorry but we cannot cut his hair, we’re not insured to do so’. Confused, I asked why. They said, ‘his hair is short and curly and we’re not insured to do this type of hair’. I said they should cut it using his own clippers (Nigerians always carry around their own shaving kits) and they said even then they wouldn’t be able to do his hair. I smiled, said thank, and we left; inside I was seething.

Does ‘that’ still happen? In 2012? Seriously? Even to a child? And you know, now that I think of it, it was the way the lady said, ‘oh let me think of another hair salon you can go to in this mall’, and then I stood there for a few minutes. When she just kept looking back at me saying, ‘uhmmm’, I got the message, and left. What the hell!!

When my nephew asked why they didn’t cut his hair, I lied to him and said his shaving kit didn’t fit their sockets in the salon. He said ok but when I said we should walk around and find another barbershop he said, ‘let’s look for one that has black people inside aunty Chioma, or let’s go home, and Uncle Akpofure can cut it for me when I go back to Abuja’.

So he knew, and that made me very angry.

Did SuperCuts have a sign at the door saying ‘@SuperCuts we only cater to long, straight hair’? No. Is the equipment for cutting the ‘two types’ of hair different? I don’t think so!

Dear @supercutsuk, I don’t know what to say to you. We got a barber who can handle short, curly hair to come to the house to cut my nephew’s hair, and he leaves for Nigeria tonight. But I’ll make sure you don’t do what you did to me, to anyone else.

The short, curly hair….

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WEEKLY ROUNDUP….

Hello you!

Good week? Mine’s been on a sort of pendulum type ‘P’, swinging between pleasant, exciting, ecstasy, and then several shades of disappointment.

Week started out alright, went to the House On The Rock with my sister, Momma, and boo boo, and the service was electric! It started from the choir’s perfect rendition of a very difficult song ‘Get in the Spirit’, to the sermon which spoke clearly to my situation. I had been a little ‘somehow’ immediately I found out that Pastor Goodheart C Ekwueme wasn’t around but Pastor Chinedu Nwosu took us home with the ‘Rest in the storm’ sermon! Whoop!

Week was pretty uneventful, my contract with a government commission was up on Tuesday but technically I’m still there because I’m rounding up on training my successor and wrapping up on projects. Word of advice? Sort out everything before you start to expend your energy on behalf of any government agency. The bureaucracy  according to the Bible, ‘wearieth them all’.

Made some progress in the registration of CC Consulting Services Limited; I must say that the long, winding process of registration makes it easier for business owners to just operate without registration. Plus the fact that I was there on Wednesday with photocopies of every document they had asked for, the letters too. I was told to come the next day but I couldn’t make it. By Friday when I went there they had lost everything. EVERYTHING.

So we started again. Yup, we started everything again. Fortunately I had only handed in photocopies, and I’d gone there that day with the originals. Apart from filling out all the forms again, I had a 45 minutes wait because ‘network was down’.

Before all of that I’d been to Access/Intercontinental Bank to get my ATM card (they’d rang to tell me it was ready –nice) only for me to get there and they’d spelled my name wrong. How do you spell my name wrong when I wrote it out for you?

Before then too I’d spent a few hours with @jeremyweate; brilliant, interesting conversation over a nice, rich, mocha. At 6feet 5inches tall, Jeremy completely dwarfed me and I am tall (or like to think so). We talked about Nigeria, new media, the ‘fight against corruption’, lots of interesting stuff. Plus there are fresh opportunities for networking and that always gets me excited!

Then, on Wednesday the 14^th I blogged about a dear friend of mine, Meka Akerejola who is battling kidney failure. He’s 31 years old, engaged to be married, and has lost both parents. He desperately needs a kidney transplant but cannot afford it (7 million naira) so all his friends are leading the drive to raise that money for him. 7000 people give 1000 naira and we hit the target. Guess what? In seven days we’ve raised one million, five hundred thousand, and some. Isn’t that amazing?

We’re still very far off though so if you haven’t given towards that cause, please help. His details are:

ACCOUNT NAME: AKEREJOLA MEKA
ACCOUNT NUMBER : 2080664569
BANK : ZENITH BANK

OR

ACCOUNT NAME: AKEREJOLA MEKA
ACCOUNT NUMBER : 0023054669
BANK: GUARANTY TRUST BANK

Did I tell you that my nephew got immunized on Thursday? Momma says if I had been there I would have been reduced to tears, he cried so much! Spent the night at my sister’s and he was in so much pain, fretting et al, it broke my heart. He’s good now though, thank od for that!

It’s the long weekend, what with Sallah upon us, and I’m really excited for my Muslim brothers and sisters on the Ramadan fast, well done! Thanking God in advance for y’all for answered prayers, happy celebrations tomorrow! Who’s inviting me over?

Hmmm, what else? Went to Utako market yesterday, haven’t been there in almost three years! Seeing so many live chickens in one part of the market reminded me of growing up and my folks trying to get us to be able to kill chickens. Two stories but I’ll share one so I don’t change the way you see me.

My darling sister elected to kill a chicken in the bathroom (actually she’d been instructed by my folks to kill, pluck and boil by the time they got back), she only just picked the venue for the slaughter. The bathroom was tiled, floor and walls. She entered the bathroom, bird in hand, placed it on the floor, held it in place, and plucked a few feathers off its neck. Then she gave it a cut, and blood gushed. The chicken jerked, it startled her so she let it go and the thing started flying, shrieking and splattering blood everywhere. Of course she started screaming; hilarity for days!!

Nope, I still haven’t killed a chicken, of course I’m afraid. Unashamedly so.

Enjoy the long holiday, and a fruitful week. That’s an order!!

SAVE MEKA. DON’T TWEET (OR FACEBOOK), SAVE!

First time I met Meka was in 2009 when he was on the panel of judges for a television soccer game show I auditioned for; I remember he asked me to do my presentation in Pidgin. To be honest I think I did fairly, and so I wasn’t really surprised when I got invited for the second round. Unfortunately I was outside the country and wouldn’t be back by the date so I rang and asked if I could get an extension. I spoke to Meka, and I remember he said, ‘so we should set up all our equipment on a totally different day for you?’ Broke my heart, my poor fragile heart. I didn’t make the audition, but my friends Sarah and Tony got the gig so I wasn’t too sad!

Next time we met and actually became friends was in 2010 when he launched Shop Nigeria with some buddies, and I was so impressed I got a card almost immediately! Then he moved to Rhythm 94.7fm where he co-anchored The Morning Drive with Doug till Doug moved to Lagos and he owned/ran the show.

Meka doing what he knows best…..

Since then we’ve hung out a couple times, and the world has revolved and rotated as ordained. Till now.

Recently I’ve found out a few things about Meka. I found out that  in March 2011, Meka was diagnosed with Chronic Kidney Disease. This is a condition that has made Meka suffer from hypertension, exhaustion and drowsiness. His body retains water, resulting in him having swollen feet. Meka, who does not drink alcohol, contracted this disease as a result of a rare kidney infection, glomerulonephritis.

I’ve also learnt that his kidneys can fail at any time, and even though both kidneys are going south, he only needs to replace one; doctors say he can survive on one kidney. Meka is also suffering from gastritis brought on by the medication he is taking for the hypertension.

Good news.  Meka and his doctors have identified a compatible kidney donor. This procedure, however, needs to be performed abroad and will cost a total of Seven (7) Million Naira; it will cover logistics (flights et al), medical bills (dialysis, harvest – transplant – surgery, medication), and post surgery care.

Do I have 7 million Naira? No. Do you have 7 million Naira? I don’t know. What I do know is this; if 7000 of us give 1000 Naira, we would meet that target, and Meka would get the new lease of life he deserves.

Why can’t the surgery be done in Nigeria you might ask, why don’t we have facilities to cater to this kind of issue? Questions we don’t have answers to, situations we cannot control. What can we control? 1000 Naira! If I got ten of my friends to give a thousand and you got ten of your friends and they all got ten of their friends……. See how much power we’ve got?

Meka is 31 years old, engaged to be married, and has lost both parents. And so I beg you; don’t let his dreams die, don’t let his voice die; put your N1000 to good use.

Dear Meka, I’ll be at your wedding!

All donations can be made into the following accounts:

ACCOUNT NAME: AKEREJOLA MEKA
ACCOUNT NUMBER : 2080664569
BANK : ZENITH BANK

OR

ACCOUNT NAME: AKEREJOLA MEKA
ACCOUNT NUMBER : 0023054669
BANK: GUARANTY TRUST BANK

A big thank you to everyone who already sent their donations in, may we never lack people to speak for us in the day of adversity.

Put your money where your mouth is…. Oche’s done that…..

…….because it’s not enough to tweet/blog/Facebook……..