Posts Tagged ‘Violence against women’

For @dorymanze

Posted: October 11, 2012 in DAY 2 DAY, POLITICS?
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,
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So I had a bit of a rant on Twitter on the 2nd of October. Nine days later and the matter hasn’t left my mind, so I knew I had to write about it. And what better day than today, the International Day of the Girl?

Why the vexation? I saw a retweet by a friend where a lady (@dorymanze) said Sad right? It gets worse. One of the people who saw her tweet, a certain @darmmie3264i, said this in response to it. 

To start with, I personally think the Abuja Environmental Protection Agency (AEPB) should be scrapped, and fast. There are too many stories of how its officials have molested innocent people (especially females) in the name of ‘carrying out their duties’. The prostitutes they were mandated to get off the streets are worse off because not only is there no rehabilitation, they are manhandled, beaten, and fondled (the least of what a good number of them endure). Like most other government agencies, I think (no I know) that AEPB should be scrapped, especially since there’s a Ministry of Environment! This duplicity of office/function in Nigeria gives me major grief!

*breathe FGS, breathe* Ok, so if it was @dammie3264i’s sister, wife (partner or girlfriend), or even his mother who got molested by anyone, would he ask what they were wearing? My thinking is he would round up a bunch of his friends in a fit of rage and go defend their honor. And he would rant and rave, and start a Twitter campaign to get one million signatures to seek ‘justice’ for his own. It’s someone else now though, so it’s OK to run his mouth and ask her what she was wearing. He particularly said, “check yourself”. I can’t even deal!

Ladies and gentlemen, this IS the problem with Nigeria and I’ll tell you why. My dad in many of his sermons admonishes people to be ‘hoe’ rather than ‘shovel’ Christians. He says, “ when you hear a commandment from God, for instance, ‘thou shall not kill’, and you immediately think to yourself that the commandment is not for you but for criminals on the street, you err, and you’re a ‘shovel’ Christian. The better reaction to hearing that commandment would be to internalize the words and search yourself, see if by your words or actions you have caused death (literally or not), and then make amends, and work towards it not happening again. In other words, be a ‘hoe’ Christian”.

How does that apply to us? It’s not till things hit close to home that we see them as life or death issues. When people are getting bombed in Adamawa or Gombe and we’re in the comfort of our homes in Lagos or Abuja, it seems so ‘far away’, and all we do is pray for the repose of the souls of the dead on Twitter.

Our politicians, the people entrusted with ratifying our laws flout them with impunity, and because we are not related to them we call for their heads on a platter. Inside we’re praying to get elected or appointed to their position so we too can feed fat, and of course when it’s our parents or relations robbing the nation blind, our tongues are buried. We fall silent. We have different rules for different people. This ‘Animal Farm‘ scenario is the bane of our society, and we are all guilty.

Back to the AEPB. Is there a dress code that like a red cloth to a bull, justifies molestation? Even if this lady was dressed in fabric that had ‘molest me’ on every square inch, is that reason enough? OK, let’s even say she was dressed ‘indecently’ (and I think the AEPB, before they are scrapped should publish an ‘acceptable or not’ dress code for Abuja residents), do you handcuff her hands or her breasts? What were they touching those for?

I intentionally did not interview @dorymanze for this chronicle because I saw she’s told her story severally and I wanted to spare her the horror of reliving the horrible incident. I’m proud of her for speaking up because it is not the easiest thing to do, especially in our society. I hope (pray) she’s able to put this incident behind her, and move on with her life.

I won’t even bother with hoping she gets justice, that would be the height of naiveté.

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THE WRONG KIND OF THE WRONG THING CALLED VIOLENCE.

Posted: March 8, 2012 in Blogs from and about school!, DAY 2 DAY
Tags: , ,
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Yesterday, a friend put up this story on a BB group I belong to, and it sparked a discussion that spanned more than three hours. What were we discussing? Violence against women, causative factors, what to do if you’re a victim, etc.

It was a very ‘real’ conversation, and several times I had to blink back tears hearing some things ladies have gone through in their relationships, marriages, etc. The most horrible stories from unions that ordinarily should be symbolic of heaven on earth, and sadly sometimes appear to be so on the outside, even in the presence of extraordinary abuse. Only the woman knows how much extra foundation she has to layer on every day to hide her black eye, the millions of ‘falls’ she has to explain away, and the sheer horror thoughts of her spouse bring.

Before the conversation, last year I read of the young banker who was killed by her husband, and I remember how shocked I was. How does ‘for better, for worse……till death do us part’ end with a husband brutally murdering his wife? Someone he chased, toasted, cajoled, and convinced he was ‘the one’ she could enjoy the rest of her life with? How does that even happen?

I’ll say it again to the men, there is NO reason under heaven to hit a woman, NO reason at all. I’m sorry but I don’t care what the woman did, it is just not acceptable. Every time I hear (especially from the ladies themselves) that some women ask for it, I cringe. So we should go about beating people we can because they ‘ask for it’? In one part of my mind I think that the same men who batter their wives either always got beat up by their mates when they were younger (definitely not an excuse) and will still get beat up if they ever got in a brawl with someone of the same sex. So why use your woman as a punching bag? According to my daddy, if you really need to flex your muscles, drive to a Motor Park, and take your pick! I’m sure you’ll be satisfied with the fight you’ll get for months.

I grew up with that mentality o; as in it was so engraved in my mind that I have ended relationships because the son of God raised his voice at me one too many times. ‘Why’, you might ask. Are you saying you can’t argue/disagree with your special someone? Of course you can; you’re not conjoined twins so you will definitely disagree every now and then. That’s alright; it’s even dubbed as healthy by relationship experts. I am however, a firm believer in the ‘na dance dey follow clap’ proverb. Meaning that if he yells at you today, yells tomorrow, and yells the day after it’s only a matter of time before he raises his hand. And in my head, that person hasn’t been born yet; matter of fact his parents haven’t even met.

Most disgusting are the men who will beat their wives, get turned on by it (has to rank #1 in the ‘sickest-things-ever’ list in my opinion), and then proceed to rape the women. Why? You think you own her? Where are you from? You want to remind her you paid her bride price? How evil can you get? I think there’s a special place in hell reserved for these people, bite me but I think even the devil will shudder a bit when he meets them.

To the ladies; from the discussion yesterday I learnt (and reaffirmed something I’ve always believed in), we are the only ones who can save ourselves from battery, and I’ll explain. There are two levels to it, the first being his behaviour towards you now. Is he already yelling, threatening to ‘teach you a lesson’? Even in jest? Don’t take it lightly o! In this day and time, some jokes are just too expensive to ‘take home and try’, especially since unlike clothes, we’re not big on returning these ones if you don’t like them. It is said that women have the strongest instincts ever, please trust yours.

On to the second level; please, do not feel ashamed if you find you’re with a monster; human beings are poor judges of character because it’s only humans we experiment with. Just know that a man (or woman) will only drown if she remains in the river they fell into. Please o, Fela’s ‘suffering and smiling’ doesn’t apply here; if he hits you once, he WILL hit you again. And again, till you unconsciously create a time-table for it in your head. Know this: if you do nothing; if he kills you today, he can give his life to Christ tomorrow; and because God is merciful and forgiving ‘his sins will not be remembered’ and ‘old things will pass away’. And you’ll remain dead.

Happy International Women’s Day everyone.

Related articles:
The man who set his wife ablaze | Daily Times Nigeria: http://bit.ly/yNkTwo

http://www.jaguda.com/2012/03/06/enough/

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