THANK YOU FOR 2012!!

Ok, so it’s 5.42am and just as I tweet that my darling nephew (Boo Boo) is a miracle baby for sleeping throughout the night, he wakes up! Talk about a tweet too early! Rather than whine about my ‘me time’ gone, I’ve decided to do a ‘thank you for 2012′ post. Cliche as it may sound, there are quite a few people I need to thank for the different things they’ve been to me this year, and Boo Boo’s one of them!

To God, for life, love, hope. For the gift of every new day He’s given, for safe travels (and I moved around quite a bit this year), for health; I might have fallen ill a couple times but the things I recovered from killed some people. I’m also grateful for a sound mind; don’t really see how much more righteous I am than the people who are out of theirs. Most importantly I’m grateful to Him for mercies that I see every day. This year’s been a little rough and I’ve derailed majorly but He’s been (and still is merciful).

To my family, you guys are the surest, baddest bosses ever! Kai!! Wouldn’t trade you guys for anything in the world! To Momma, Daddy, Kizaro, Inne, Qintaro, and the latest addition to the family, my darling Boo Boo!!! God bless you guys! I love you to the moon and back! 2013 is ours!!

To The One who calls me Pebbles, what do I say? Where do I start? How do I begin to talk about you, would anyone even grasp the depths of what I feel, of what you are to me? For the songs, the stories, the beautiful dances, the encouragement, for everything; thank you.. You’re the wind beneath my wings!

To my girl for life Wumi, you’re many shades of awesome! You understand me, you’ve accepted me (and my moods, lol), you’re there for me in ways I cannot begin to explain, I just love you girl!! Christmas with you was awesome, 2013 is the year!!

To my bestie Miss Mangut, you’re a great lady, a wonderful resource, and someone for whom the sky is but the starting point! Loads of love!

To the Chief Sista and Mr Mobility, thank you for being an ever present source of wisdom, a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on (and soak with tears sometimes). Thank you for always being there, God bless you, and satisfy the desires of your heart speedily! I love you! To Aninoritse, thank you for being my friend; you’re never more than a phone call or ‘you’ve abandoned me’ BBM away. Love you muchos!

To the ‘elders’: I read through your eyes, climbed on your shoulders, walked through doors you opened, turned at your reproof, gained new knowledge, forged new friendships and partnerships through you, got the opportunity to prove myself, thank you! Thank you to my Principal, Dr Sam Amadi, Mr Eyo Ekpo, Jackie Farris, Yemi Adamolekun, Dr Ebirima Ceesay, FML, Mac-Jordan Degadjor, Bankole Oluwafemi, Alkasim Abdulkadir; here’s to a brilliant 2012, let’s do it (and even bigger) next year! I must specially thank Bankole, Alkasim, and Mercy Abang for being such wonderful business partners! And congratulations on your wedding Mercy! She rocks!

To my @i_blend family, for two years (I know, can’t believe we’ve had this group for this long) you’ve been home away from home for me. You (@AndyMadaki, @El_Jefe, @Nubian_Semm, @Lucy, @EddieMadaki, @Attaswitch, @Tess_lati, @Mamfizzle, @MissMimilove, @Oche_E, @Ene_vanhelsing, @Desiree, @Mimi, @Matilda, @Ayeesha, @Dosh, and @Gang) have been sources of joy, a rounded sounding board, activity.com, and best of all, great friends! 2013 is ours! I love you guys!

To everyone who’s read my blog, left a comment, tweeted a link, liked a post, or even followed the blog, thank you!! It is for you I write, God forbid that I take you for granted. To Iyke, Pearl, Chief Sista, Jaz, and Rita for being the top five commenters on the blog this year, thank you so much! 2013 will be bigger, better, more interactive, richer, and I promise there’ll be shorter breaks in between posts!

To Hillsongs Church, I’m grateful I found you, however late in the year. I promise to get more involved soon as I get back!

To Zemanta, WordPress, Nitropdf, and Google, your constant innovations have been a delight; they’ve also made for a richer online experience. Thank you! @Nitropdf, I’m earnestly waiting on the MAC version like you promised!

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Here’s to an extra-productive 2013!

The Fairy GodSister.

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OF LIFE, WEIGHT LOSS AND OTHER MYSTERIES

 

Hey!

How have you been? Like really, how have you been? Happy? Loving your life, family, job? What’s been up with you/what have you been up to? Have you been having fun? What new skills have you learnt recently, what new knowledge have you gained?

Questions, questions, questions right? Don’t mind me, I just haven’t checked on you properly in a while, or thanked you for always being here. Would love to use the ‘without-you-there-would-be-no-me’ line but I think that wouldn’t be exactly true, lol! I’ excited you’re reading this though, and this is a major shout out to all my readers, from Sudan to Singapore! Am I loving WordPress for the country by country stats or what!

This post chronicles my week (last week); so I chanced upon a flyer advertising a dance/fitness one week intensive class, promised we would lose 10kg in one week. I know! You’re asking yourself if I fell for it right? I did! Maybe not totally but there must have been something that made me ring and ask for the form!

From Monday, 6-7am and then 6-9pm every day, I went to jump up, (and down), squat, crunch, skip, and do all those things that celebs do on TV for two weeks and then next thing they’ve lost all but their bones! Ask Jennifer Hudson and Jordin Sparks if you don’t believe me.

After one of the dance classes, see me looking like this is my mug shot!

So, did I lose 10kg? Nope! Did I lose 9kg? Lol. Let me be quick and say I weighed x.9kg (‘x’ is because I don’t want to tell you exactly what I weigh) on Monday when I started, and then Friday night when I weighed myself,  I was x.45kg (‘x’ remaining absolutely constant)! What!!?!! I didn’t even lose ONE full kilogram!

Well, there’s only two things left to do now…

1. Liposuction (after I’m done having children sha, I can’t even shout). Or
2. Some ‘extreme’ measure, like the Hallelujah diet (ha ha ha), or Shawn’s Insanity workout.

Momma thinks I just need to stop drinking pop et al but what would my life be without an ice-cold coke every now and then? Drab and uninteresting, that’s what! Ladies and gentlemen, I am in a quandary!

On Friday though, Big Sister Nike (@chiefsista on Twitter) invited me to a free dance class (fitness oriented as well) put together by @bubezplaiz for ladies to come, dance, shed some, and network! Very noble if you asked me! Was supposed to hold from 7-9am on Saturday morning but men, man proposed, the rains disposed! It rained so hard on Saturday morning  I didn’t even get out of bed! Apparently no one else did and the class was moved to 5pm. It eventually started about 6pm (some issues about the venue), and it was a fabulous class! Whoop!

The music was great (and loud enough to keep me on my feet), and the instructors were really good too! Whoop whoop!

Was nice to finally meet @damioyedele in person, she’s a fabulous lady; smart, beautiful, and in recent times has helped me remain a ‘super aunty’ before my 6-year-old nephew by helping me with his assignment via Twitter! She was at the class too, sisters in weight loss!

Dami Oyedele and I!! Sisters with natural hair! Tres chic!

Of course @chiefsista was there too, and it was awesome to see her again! Ladies, Nike Coker is the convener of the famous Sista Sistaevent; holds once a year strictly for the ladies, and is a wonderful opportunity for them to meet other ‘sistas’, network, put their feet up, and just have a great, interesting evening! Did I mention there’s always loads of things to eat (and I love food), music, skills to be learnt, prizes to be won (I’ve won one), and loads of new friends to make!

@chiefsista and I, sweating after the dance class!! Sister remember the guy who stretched us out? Dang!! Intense! Funnily my back hasn’t hurt since then!

Sista Sista is in its 6^th year and is holding in Abuja on the 1^st of September! Holler @chiefsistato PURCHASE your tickets (nope it ain’t free)! Also get in touch if you’d like to promote stuff at the event, and especially if you’ve got giveaways for the ladies! We’ll be chatting to her on the 3, 2, 1 Series soon!

Finally, did you know/notice I’d changed my look? Want to see? There you go!

Whoop!!! Love it!! Notice that I’ve somehow managed to have four pictures of myself in one post? *sticks tongue out*

I’m loving it, can’t wait to make it permanent! Whoop! So stress free, and I can stop peeking at weaves, extensions, and all those things!

So, how did your week go? What exciting stuff did you get up to? Share with us in the comments section will you!

That’s it, a breeze through my week; can’t go without saying my boo boo is doing great, and is more adorable by the day! Like seriously, he’s the cutest baby in the world!

Have a super productive week, I insist! Mwah!

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FOR THE ONE WHO CALLS ME PEBBLES

A part of me longs for you

Calling the others already there

You make everything brand new

My thoughts dreams come true

There’s a certain beauty to you

Ace, that extra that’s only here

Strong, arrogant, maybe even derousse

You’re pure, my nightmares diffused

We want to go there

Sail, walk, drive, explore the blues

I feel a lot of things sans fear

Because you care, cos you’re always here

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LESSONS FROM THE #SAVEOKE CAMPAIGN

Ok, are you new to the Oke story? Statement of the problem is here, pictures of the problem here (not for the light-hearted I must warn), and phase one of the solution is here.

A lot of thoughts have run through my mind from the very first night I became aware of Oke and I just thought to share four of them with you. I’m also sharing a documentary made by a close friend of mine, Onye Ubanatu, capturing the essence of Oke’s story.

SOCIAL MEDIA IS POWERFUL

I’ve never doubted the power of social media (wouldn’t have studied it if I did) but if I did, this campaign would have forever put paid to those doubts. The speed with which the blog posts spread and the amazing functionality called the ‘retweet’.  Jerry Seinfeld was right when he said this of Twitter, “Twitter is progress; why say to one what you can say to all”. Amazing! And say to all we did, in just a few hours his pictures and story were literally everywhere! Thanks to the WordPress’ ‘stat by country’ functionality I could see just the numbers of people from the different countries, and believe me it was amazing!

NIGERIA IS IN TROUBLE

Oke’s story was just another instance pointing to a problem we (Nigeria) haven’t gotten past. Unfortunately, even in 2012 we are still in the ‘reaction’ rather than ‘proactive’ mode. No one thinks to plan for the future, hell we’re barely getting through today! Fully discussing that will take all day so I’ll just say that all the information I got about Oke’s illness I found here. That website also features simple definitions and presentations of types and symptoms, care for people with diabetes, and even available support groups! And it’s all correct, up to date information! Do we have functional bodies like that here? No. All we’re saddled with are committees catering to committees set up to review the work done (or not) by committees. SMH!

WHO SINGS FOR THE UNSUNG?

The day after I spoke published the ‘Save Oke, we saved Oke’ post; I got one BBM broadcast about a young Nigerian in the clutches of another terminal illness who needs to seek treatment abroad. Someone else tweeted a link at me, and that evening I got email; three different people in one day! I flashed back to the campaign when I asked (in a private email to a group) if anyone else was thinking about the people who didn’t have anyone to blog about their problems. Who would cater to those ones? I’m asking those questions again; who runs with their stories?

How many people die every day because they have no access to qualitative healthcare? How many ‘trivial’ cases transform into life threatening because they were not nipped in the bud with adequate treatment? Who sings for the unsung?

WE ARE STILL THE WORLD

Social media has always and will always revolve around people. Social media without human involvement can be compared to a beautiful car without a driver: it is nothing without our input. It is one thing to sit in the comfort of your home and moan every day about everything going wrong with the country, how the government doesn’t care, how we need a ‘paradigm shift (lol), etc. It is a totally different (and more profitable) thing however to do your civic duties, know your leaders (local and national), and then hold them accountable by getting informed, asking them questions, you know the drill. In the same vein, while I am grateful to everyone who tweeted and retweeted Oke’s story, it is the ones who actually donated I am grateful to. Imagine if we were all tweeting, ‘Facebooking’, and no one did anything. We’d sooner be tweeting at his funeral!

This whole campaign has taught me that technology (in different formats, functionalities) will come and go but people will always remain. We are the answers to the questions we seek; we are the world we want to live in.

P: S – As you read, Oke is in India with his sister, and a state appointed consultant. I spoke to him the night before he left, and told him to document his ‘Osuofia’ stories for me, cos I’m sure he’ll have plenty!

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PART TWO……

Ok, a couple days ago, I ranted in the ‘Racism, sexuality, and some‘ chronicle. I’m glad to say I’m feeling a lot better! Obviously the issues still weigh heavily on my mind, but I’ll live. It is interesting to see the debates the passage of the anti-gay bill have caused on various social platforms…..the intelligent, unintelligent, and in some cases, the vile.

How are you gearing up to the weekend though? It’s almost Christmas, whoop whoop! That’s my favorite time of the year! It gets better, my bestie’s going to be here as well! I’m doing cartwheels! Plus there are loads of carols everywhere, the German Market in Birmingham makes the whole Christmas spirit more alive by the day, it’s all so exciting! Can’t wait for the day! Of course I miss Nigeria terribly, and hate that I won’t make Calabar Carnival this year. I’ve never been, and I hoped I would make it this year. Well, there’s always next year, and the year after that, and the year after that…..

One of the many trees at the City Center!

I’m also looking forward to breaking the little piggy bank I’ve been keeping for a little while now; I’ll be praying for the miracle of multiplication the day I open it, maybe multiplied by 9, 19, or 900! He he he… I wonder how people feel when they go to people who claim to be able to ‘double money’ often dressed in tatters, found in dilapidated, obscure locations. Why haven’t they improved their own circumstances from the doubling, or are they just ‘humble’? That’s talk for another day abeg.

A few more things that have caught my fancy in the last few days; recently we played around with hash tags on Twitter, this one called  #TakeMeBackToWhen. The idea was to complete the sentence with anything you had/enjoyed in the past that you don’t have access to anymore. I captured some of the tweets that interested me…

I agree, even though the greetings from guys these days should be taken with a bag (not pinch) of salt!

He he he....this one just made me laugh!

What else? So there’s a new record holder in town(read as the World) for the largest church auditorium; it’s the 100, 000 seater National Temple of The Apostolic Church Nigeria (TAC) at the international ground of the Church in Ketu, Lagos State, Nigeria. The construction of the auditorium was started over 25 years ago by one of the senior ministers in the church. Congratulations are in order (I think).

A friend sent me a link on Twitter to something he’d tagged. ‘what I want for Christmas’. The link is here, and I think it’s a pretty decent Christmas list. Issue now is to find someone to give him all he wants! The part that caught my eye, and made me laugh though, I have captured below.

Lol! Hope you could read it....

By the way, the United States Senate recently ( I think on the 1st of December) voted to legalize a bill that allows their soldiers have penetrative sex with  animals. I think it is important to note that they voted ninety-three to seven in favor of this bill. What do you even say to that kind of thing? That means sooner than later we’ll hear that instead of training a soldier was ‘getting down’ with a horse, chicken, or lion! And yes, I’m sure the Nigerian Senate will soon ban that as well, seeing as they have nothing else to do.

Finally, I stumbled on this documentary made by Wildlife films/Distilled Ideas of the production of the award-winning BBC World Service Trust radio drama ‘Story Story’ that I was privileged to work on for spits away from a year. Thought you’d like to see….

Tuned In (2010) from aoibheann.net on Vimeo.

Enjoy the rest of the week, and visit again soon!

P:S – WordPress, thank you for bringing  Zemanta back! I missed it, and badly too!!! Zemanta is a blogging aid that works on WordPress which was recently disabled by WordPress because they had issues with ‘integration’. Me thinks it had to do with money, but I’m over the moon that it’s back! Thank you!

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I KNOW THE LORD WILL HELP ME!

Ok, I hope you went to church today! You know we are admonished in the Bible to ‘forsake not the gathering of the brethren’ – Hebrews 10:25. I did, and I had a great time! Matter of fact, Sundays at church are always the highlight of my week, honestly!

I have decided that there must be something from God’s Word every Sunday on this blog, and so far I’m grateful for the testimonies from people who have been encouraged, or uplifted as a result of a chronicle they read here. What else are we here for anyway, if not to lift our brothers and sisters?

This week’s sermon is about two years old (yes, I have church notes from that long), and I decided to put it up because it was a big blessing to me that day in church, and because the word of the Lord is new every morning, I know there will be fresh understanding for everyone who reads this today. In Jesus name!

The church was COZA (Commonwealth of Zion Assembly), in Abuja, and it was the 5th of July 2009. There was a special service that day that I had been invited for, and I remember the choir’s ministration that day was ‘You are the source of my strength’. Pastor Biodun (don’t know his surname) titled his message ‘I know the Lord will help me’.

You sure you are? Then you are entitled to his help!

He started by saying that anything we believe God to be is what/who He’ll be to us. Genesis 1:26 says “Then God said, “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over the livestock and all the wild animals, and over all the creatures that move along the ground.” We are made in His image, and so should carry around that consciousness everywhere we go!

Deut 33:26. 1 Peter 5:9 says “Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.”

Psalm 23:1 – 6 1 Cor 6:19

Isaiah 50:7, 9. Genesis 1:31, 2:18

Note that even when we don’t know we need it, God always identifies help, and helpers for us. Psalm 60:11

Jeremiah 31:17

By the way, don’t you ever forget, without the help of God, we are nothing. Isaiah 31:1 says “Woe to them that go down to Egypt for help; and stay on horses, and trust in chariots, because they are many; and in horsemen, because they are very strong; but they look not unto the Holy One of Israel, neither seek the LORD!”

2Kings 6:27 Hebrews 13: 5-6

WHAT TO DO TO INVOKE THE HELP OF GOD?

1. Ask. Mathew 7:7. James 4:3,2. Yes God knows everything, but He still wants us to ask. I’ve heard men of God say that after Adam ‘blamed’ God for giving him Eve in the garden of Eden, He wants us to ask ourselves.

2. Know that God will use a man to help. Ecclesiastes 4:10 says, “For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.” So you don’t pray for finances and then start expecting to wake up and find the amount you need under your pillow!

3. Be a channel of help yourself. Eph 6:8. A saying goes, “the pipe carrying water can never be dry”. Is it all about you, you, you, or are you a blessing to other people, even with the little you have?

4. Be organized. 1 Corinthians 14:10. At different times in the Bible, people were told to ‘put their house in order’. Sometimes, reducing the chaos/clutter around us automatically reduces the crisis around us.

5. Sow towards it. Remember King Solomon? 2 Chronicles 1:6. His offering caught God’s attention. What do you give God, and how do you give? Grudgingly, because you’ll look funny if you don’t, or with a heart full of gratitude?

6. Declare it. God speaking to us in the book of Numbers says that “as surely as you have spoken in my ears, so will I do unto you” Numbers 14:28. What are you declaring/saying into His ears? Speaking positively or negatively? No need telling you how powerful our words are; bet you know that already.

Very true!!!

Enter the new week with the consciousness of who you are in Christ, and the power and help available to you as a child of the Kingdom. Nothing will confound you this week in the mighty name of Jesus! Amen!

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What’s the worst injury you’ve ever sustained?

To start with, the inspiration for this chronicle was found on WordPress, after I put up my 103rd post. I guess they felt that after sometime you run out of things to write about. On the one hand I agree with them; if your posts always revolve around love, there’s only so much you can write about! On the other hand, life is so exciting, there’ll always be something to write about! Pleasant or unpleasant, joyous or sombre, informative or just for entertainment; I believe there’s always something worth sharing with others.

So, what’s your worst injury? Physical o! If we’re talking emotional scars I’d just do a book at once, I’m sure one chronicle won’t be enough to tell the stories! According to Natasha Beddingfield, ‘I bruise easily’. Moving on, one condition for reading this post is that you must share one story of yours in the comments section. Agreed?

This story is set in the East, sometime in 1996. I was a few months from going to boarding school for the first time, and looking forward to having and being in control of my own provisions (whoop whoop)!! We lived in Owerri, Imo State at the time and our family friends lived around us, with young children about my age.

Now, if memory serves me right, Momma had asked us to go for the midweek service with her but we said we had homework. Now that I think of it, I wonder how/why she left us at home that day because I grew up with church more as reflex than an option.

Anyways, so she left, and after rushing through the said homework (I’m not even sure again if we even did it) we rushed to the house of my family friend on our bicycles. After we got bored playing in the house, we decided to hold ‘World Bicycle Championship’. We piled outside, mounted, and started racing. I won a few, lost a few, and then I said I was leaving because mom would be back home soon and if I was sweating (like I was then) I’d have some major explaining to do!

World Bicycle Championship ke nan!

“One more race”,  the urchins pleaded that we did just one more. I didn’t need too much convincing anyway, and so we agreed. We had sighted their uncle at the end of the road and so the first person to reach Uncle Adimabuo (Igbo name literally translated to mean ‘I am not two’) would be the ‘winner winner’ or ‘ultimate champion’.

On your marks, get set, go! We took off, and being one of the stronger riders, I was soon in the lead. Then I felt something hit my back tyre, and next thing I knew, I was on the floor. Now there were three problems with that fall:

1. We had been racing on the road in the estate, which wasn’t totally done. It was a granite/asphalt/dirt road. Forming a picture in your mind yet?

2. We were speeding (duh, it was the World Championship), so when I fell my tyre continued spinning ( sturvs, lol)

3. I was wearing shorts and a shirt, so I wasn’t exactly covered. Feeling sorry for me yet?

If by now you are wincing from the pain/injury you’re imagining I endured, buy yourself a drink. I scraped both knees (majorly), my hands, it was horrible. Plus I was about 10 or eleven; the fact that I wasn’t a teenager yet compounded my fear, pain, fear, and pain again! My young mind was literally ‘between a rock and a hard place’; I was bothered (afraid even) of what my mom would do to me because she expressly said not to leave the house when she was going out. Not only did I disobey (which was an offence like the sin of witchcraft – 1 Samuel 15:23), but I had soiled my clothes, and worse still, hurt myself. In between that I was in excruciating pains and the blood I was seeing was almost driving me mad!

By the way, some people might have a low pain threshold, I don't have anything!

I cried that day eh! I’d never felt that much pain before! And then they had to cut the skin hanging, and then clean the wound with Milton (which my aunty had lied to me was water). The pain was unbearable, akin only to a heartbreak I endured like 10 years after.

By the time Momma got home from service, my friends’ mom had taken me home and was assuring me that ‘everything would be alright’. My darling mother (bless her heart) looked at me, saw my red, swollen eyes, and ‘had mercy’. She became preoccupied with soothing my pain, apparently the injuries were punishment enough.

The next few days were spent petting me (especially at bath times when water and soap would touch the wounds), and me getting practically anything I wanted because I was injured. I think I got stitches (not sure because I don’t see how I wouldn’t remember that) but how many years after, I still have visible reminders of that day in my mind, and an engraved version of the commandment, ‘CHILDREN OBEY YOUR PARENTS’!

This knuckle is for you!

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Death is cruel.

Death. Five letters, one word, devastating implications. Death is one event/occurrence that in one fell swoop changes the course of events in a relationship/family/community for ever. You’d be singing Naeto C’s ‘things are not the same’ but you definitely won’t be dancing to it.

You never get used to death, no one ever gets accustomed to the fact that the person you saw yesterday you won’t see anymore. Death is permanent, it is cruel.

Time check? 9.40pm on the 7th of July 2011. I’m sitting in the living room of my parents’ house, watching Dr. Reuben Abati and the other newly sworn in Special Advisers to Mr. President pledging their lives away with the same clichés I’ve been hearing since I became aware of Nigerian politics. I have a bowl of rice and stew with generous helpings of croaker fish and chicken on my lap. My mother is the best cook on earth and even though I do not want to eat, I know I will or she will worry.

I’m sat at the edge of the couch, my jotter placed on the armrest, tears smudging the products of my ball pen as I write. I’m writing so fast I hope this makes sense because I will not edit.

I heard of the deaths of two precious people today; a baby boy, and a very dear family friend. Death took them from me. Stupid, inconsiderate, insensitive death.

Aunty never beat her children when they misbehaved, she would pinch them instead. Always made me laugh because till we found out what she was doing you would just notice A or B whimpering. She referred to my siblings and I as her younger ones, and was really a wonderful big sister in every sense of the word.

I remember the last time I saw aunty in 2010; she visited Abuja so my sister and I drove to Kubwa (or Gwarimpa) to see her. She was beautiful as ever, cheerful, funny; typical ‘Wafi’ woman. Her pidgin was on point (before nko), and I remember her teasing my sister about her husband-to-be, thanking God “say you commot from that dead town. How you for meet this guy?”

I saw her at my sisters’ wedding, and she gave me quite the hug (and it wasn’t because I was just in from school). Aunty was warm like that. She said I had become chubby and worried that if I had hit that in only two months, say “wahala dey o!”

The Monday after the wedding, she flew to Lagos to start chemotherapy, the rest of that story is what I heard this evening.

On to the baby boy; I met him first when he was like two months old, and I remember always complaining that he was tiny. I was scared of carrying him because I just felt I would do something wrong. He was the cutest baby ever, you know, one of those children who only cry because they want to eat or sleep; not the ones that cry so you stand, then so you sit, then so you dance, and even when you’re standing on your head they’ll still be bawling!

He was peaceful, and had the best laugh. I loved carrying him after he passed 4 months, and the best parts of my day would be playing with him before I went to work in the morning, and immediately I got home in the evening.

My favourite memories of him would be singing into his ear whenever he cried or was restless, he would either chuckle, or laugh (depended on if I was singing Terry G or Luther Vandross).

I also loved strapping him to my back, even though every time I did I would complain to every listening ear that my boobs would sag from the pressure. Yet whenever I saw his mom or anyone wanting to ‘back him’ I would hustle till I got him (and then of course complain about my boobies again).

He had a hole in his heart, was discovered early. Why him? Why her? Death is cruel. I’m not nuclear to either but if tears was all it took to bring them back, I would have single handedly made it happen.

My darlings, rest in the bosom of our Lord. Aunty I can be sure you’ll have Jesus cracking up with your jokes, and baby I hope you remember the songs I sang for you. Sing for Jesus babe, regardless of the artist.

My heart is with both families and I understand and forgive you that I’m the last to know.

Death is cruel.

3, 2, 1: AN HOUR WITH ONYEKA NWELUE

Wow, so it’s been a little while I did an interview, basically because I didn’t just want to interview people who’ve been interviewed so many times already you could practically quote the answers, and even before you asked! It’s more my style to uncover people behind things that have really impressed/inspired me, or shine my Fairy light on people/areas I think we should all be aware of. What comes to your mind when you hear the name Onyeka Nwelue? To answer this question you should be on Twitter and Facebook, be Nigerian (not compulsory but will help), and if not for anything, be aware of the #LunchwithGEJ saga that sparked not a few wars and set the juices of writers (creative or not) flowing. Some of the articles can be found here, here, here, and here. Sorry if I didn’t list yours!

Anyways, somehow, Onyeka and I got talking and I remember saying I would really like to look inside his head; understand the way he thinks. I thought about it for a couple days and then the light bulb moment came; why not do an interview? Ah ha!

Little background on Onyeka; he wrote ‘The Abyssinian Boy’ (DADA Books, 2009) when he was 18, won the 2009 TM ALUKO Prize for First Book, 2^nd runner-up, IBRAHIM TAHIR Prize for Fiction, nominated for the Future Awards 2010, lectured at NSS College, Ottapalam in Kerala, South India, appeared at The Man Hong Kong International Literary Festival alongside South African writer, Andre Brink and has interviewed Wole Soyinka for the Guardian. He is currently working on his debut film, The Distant Light and second novel. The son of a politician-father, and school-teacher mother, Onyeka writes mainly on religion and sexuality. On to the interview, I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Onyeka (right) and some good people

FGS: First question, tell me three things you hate?

Onyeka: I hate beans, dogs (I know someone will be pissed off right now) and poverty!

FGS: who is that ‘someone’?

Onyeka: A world-class flutist who has over nine dogs and loves his dogs so much, that he thinks they are human beings too!

FGS: So your parents didn’t force you to eat beans as a child? Mine did, and beans is one of my best meals today!

Onyeka: My mom did. My father is a good cook. He used to cook for us while my mother was trying to get a university degree. And he was just cooking beans and making pap in the morning and I was getting angry, but I couldn’t do anything.

FGS: Ha ha ha ha!!!! Ok, let’s move to question two; or maybe I should ask that later on in this interview. What do you think?

Onyeka: Go ahead. I am here to answer anything!

FGS: Tell me about you. What is it that we don’t know already?

Onyeka: I am 23 years old. You already know that! I was a seminarian for 6 years. I practiced Hinduism for some time and visited the Buddhist monastery in Dharamshala, India, thinking I would become a Buddhist, but no, I couldn’t. I tried other religions by reading about them and meeting people who were part of them and decided to turn to atheism, which I find satisfying right now.

FGS: You’re younger than I am (which isn’t surprising since I am older than everyone – Fairy sturvs)

Onyeka: I have studied Sociology & Anthropology for 3 years and gave up, by withdrawing officially and travelling back to India to train as a scriptwriter. I have also lectured at Centre for Research in Art of Film & TV (CRAFT). I teach Film Adaptation. Few days ago, which nobody knows, except people close to me, I’ve been admitted into Prague Film School, so I will be starting the session by September. I’ve struggled to make films (hopefully, my documentary will be out soon) and I’m working as the editor of FilmAfrique, published by the Africa Film Academy, curators of African Movie Academy Awards (AMAA). The last is that: I can’t hold my mouth. I talk a lot.

FGS: So, for the first time I’m having a chat with an atheist; I’m not going to pass the opportunity to ask some ‘home’ questions! What does that mean? I know atheism entails not believing in God, so what do you believe in?

FGS: *congratulations on your admission; I hope you’ll finish that*

Onyeka: Oh, thanks. I will definitely finish. This is something I’ve always wanted to do: filmmaking. I had imagined myself as an anthropologist for a long time and I found it awkward! Back to the question about God: truth is, yes, atheism is the belief that there is no God, but that doesn’t mean that I have a proof that there is no God or you have a proof that there is God.

FGS: So you just don’t believe.

Onyeka: Every one of us has questioned the existence of God, once or twice. There is no doubt about this. It is left for us now to choose what we want. I am happy I’ve chosen atheism, because it brought out another part of me that I didn’t know existed: that man who could tell anyone anything because there is no paradise for him and no hell…

FGS: Religion is the opium of the masses right? I spoke with a friend here in the UK one day on religion et al and he said he didn’t believe in God because his government takes care of him. Would you say the same?

Onyeka: Well, a friend said recently that I need to communicate with God. I was in the seminary for 6 years! God didn’t show. I was being bullied. I was maltreated and I also turned into a bully myself when I was made the Head Boy! So, you see? Man is your God. He rules over you and as time goes on, you become the Other Man’s God too. Life is just like that. There is nothing we can do with our imagination that much, but to think of someone who will always watch over us, even when we are in toilet. Or bathing naked in the bathroom; this awesome God is watching over us in the bathroom like a pervert!

FGS: Hmmm……

Onyeka: So, the answer to your question is this: if the God of your friend in the UK is his Government, my God is that person who is always by my side when I need help. No one can fault this conclusion and I think anyone who does, has actually seen God or ‘felt’ God as they always claim, which I find very ridiculous.

World Famous peace sign……

FGS: Ok, since this is just to get your thoughts on that, why don’t we move on to what I’m itching to talk about….the note you wrote about the lunch.

Onyeka: Okay. If you ask me, na who I go ask? LOL.

FGS: One question: What informed that article?

Onyeka: I don’t jump into conclusions. I was patient enough to wait for them to start blowing the smoke around and it was getting right into my nostrils. And I just didn’t find it funny that Chude Jideonwo was being attacked with fine grammar, which didn’t come off as insulting as it should when you write like a certain Onyeka Nwelue that didn’t go to school. And I am also not very good at running around the bush. I am not very good at looking at others being clamped down.

FGS: So who was being ‘clamped down on’? Because, it seemed to me (and a couple others who were made aware of the incident via notes that young people were just upset that there seemed to be a lot of secrecy about the whole thing)

Onyeka: I honestly felt if Feyi thought Chude went wrong somewhere, he should just say it, without running around like a village child…

FGS: Let’s be easy on our expressions………. what do you mean by running around? You said Feyi was ‘running around’.

Onyeka: He should not have gone to that length of wanting the dude to update his Facebook and Twitter, telling the world where he was and trying to keep them in the loop about the things that didn’t concern them. If he did in the past, he didn’t have to continue. If you read that Feyi’s stuff closely (and which you need to), he was being too personal on Chude and Amara Nwankpa, but the good thing these days is that these young men build some strong friendships after yabbing themselves and I’m sure Chude and Feyi are friends right now. He could have just done a less-worded note, saying, “Chude, this is where you went wrong.” And then try to tell us a bit about what they know that has been happening in the dark. That I can swallow and not comparing the young man to Tinubu, which actually annoyed me.

FGS: So from where you stand, if given the chance you would write that note again?

Onyeka: Mine?

FGS: yes

Onyeka: Definitely. I sat down in my office that very day reading all the Tweets and comments. Everyone abused me. They wanted me to write something more INTELLIGENT; that they read Feyi’s stuff and mine side by side and they wanted quality education, because Onyeka Nwelue is not educated. But hey, every writer single possesses a different style from the other. Feyi has expressed himself the way he wanted and I was there doing mine. I am sure if we meet, you won’t find me speaking English, so I would have even written the stuff in Igbo, ka o buru nani Ndigbo ga-agu ihe m dere…

FGS: lol!!

Onyeka: And please, don’t translate this to anyone who doesn’t understand it. Please.

FGS: I’ll try not to…. but you know I have a wide audience….

Onyeka: Please, don’t! FGS: I promise to try.

Onyeka: I have just finished my second book, narrated by a Chinese man and I have Chinese in it, which I’ve refused to translate. My first book I wrote some Hindi, which I intentionally refused to translate and a lot of Igbo words too. I feel people should know what they are supposed to know, so if I have to write that note again, I will do it in Igbo Language and you will find out that those people who think they have quality education (in English) don’t know anything at all…

FGS: So on to the second set of questions I was going to ask; what are two things you think people will absolutely love you for?

Onyeka: Nobody loves me, except my parents, my siblings, my publisher and my boss (who absolutely tolerates my eccentricism and mood swings). I don’t know why anyone should love me and arrogantly speaking, right now in my life, I don’t care!

FGS: Hmmm, don’t you ever feel lonely?

Onyeka and Jenny

Onyeka: Not at all.

FGS: So there are no two things that someone can love you for? This is an opportunity for you to sell yourself…. *wink*

Onyeka: Ha, ha ha. Cool. Let them love me for not believing in God. Let them love me for NOTHING. I just like it that I won’t have to sell myself or force anyone to love me!

FGS: Do you have a girlfriend?

Onyeka: We broke up with my girlfriend in March; we felt we should just take time off. But you see us together most of the time!

FGS: Forgive me if that question was a bit personal

Onyeka: No, it’s fine.

FGS: Where do you see yourself in the next three years?

Onyeka: I will be 26 years then! LOL

FGS: apart from advancing in years, what else will you have achieved/done?

Onyeka: I understood your question. I just don’t want to say anything about my plans. I have learnt not to talk about some certain things before they happen! Hope you understand?

FGS: I understand…

Onyeka: Thank you so much, my love, for understanding.

FGS: You’re welcome. What in your opinion is the problem with Nigeria?

Onyeka: I will definitely blame the ONE problem with Nigeria on RELIGION!

FGS: Seriously? religion? Not corruption, light or anything?

Onyeka: No. Religion. There is God, so if there is power outage, the old woman in the neighbourhood says, “God, please bring this light na.” The pastor milks market woman in the church, by using the name of God. They go home broke, because they are scared of not giving to God percentage of what they make in the market. Of course, God has directed those Hebrew retards to write it in the Bible, so they must do it. A woman who is so poor has to make a contribution for some Bishop Oyedepo guy to buy a jet and you don’t see it as a problem with Nigeria.

Onyeka: *unprintable*

FGS: Ok, how do we take care of the ‘religion’ problem?

Onyeka: First, we have to tax the church, the mosque and other religious centres in the country!

FGS: I saw that post on Facebook, so you think that taxing the religious institutions will solve the problems in Nigeria?

Onyeka: Yes it will, to a certain extent. The Government needs to watch them closely. They are the ones causing all the wahala in the country, I will tell you. They are the ones who feed the people with lies. They are the ones the people listen to, because they are believed to come from God. They are the ones who possess more power than the celebrities.

FGS: Ok, thanks for talking to me Onyeka. One final word; ANYTHING you want to say?

Onyeka: You are welcome! Final word: biri ka m biri. Please, don’t translate again. LOL.

FGS: So let’s say I gave you that opportunity again, but I said you had to give that final word in English……

Onyeka: Erm, it is difficult in English. Okay, I will just say, live and make we live. Is that okay?

FGS: Great! Thanks Onyeka!!!

Onyeka: Thank you so much.

Onyeka Nwelue

On that note, I give you Onyeka Nwelue, and wrap the first/second interview in the 3, 2, 1 series! Guess who I’ll be talking to next? Keep guessing, or tell me who you’d rather I spoke to, and why!

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BECOMING A SOCIAL MEDIA CONSULTANT

There’s a big difference between watching Nigella Lawson cooking on TV, browsing recipes off her website or books she’s written, and actually working on one the recipes yourself. In the same way, only the person wearing the shoes knows where it pinches, whether they be Choos, Louboutins, or Prada. It might help if you’re told about it, or if you research into the ways different footwear might hurt your toes or feet, but you have to wear them to know for sure!

That’s how my Social Media as Practice module feels, because we actually have to do it! And I’m excited, because less than six weeks into the module, I’ve learnt/I’m learning so much! And of  course it’s the small class of people I’ve come to love, it’s Leonie, Mark, Noha, Jase, Karen, Simi, and me! And of course, Stuart Parker, our tutor!

For the first class, we did an audit of our skills, the aspects of social media we’re interested in, and the things we would like to gain more knowledge about. Now even though I’m writing this more than six weeks after, I’ll try to give you an idea of what my colleagues are about! There’s

• Simi, who’s good with graphics, audio editing, and has an online portfolio here: skm3.blogspot
• Mark, who if I remember correctly said something about ‘taking all the glory for project management collabos he’s put together’! He works at justaddlime.co.uk and is passionate about creative/innovative ways of moving businesses/organizations/people forward using social media
• Karen, who’s a techie! She just got done working on the Kathakbox project, and helped the family business out by revamping the website!! Karen’s amazing work is here karenkiely.com
• Jason, warm, really helpful fella, the motivation behind my venture into video blogging! Jason’s here http://jaseanton.com/
• Leonie worked with Karen on the Kathakbox project with Karen, is interested in the business/marketing aspects of social media, and blogs at leoniebrueckner.posterous.com
• Kevin! Kevin’s another really warm person (not saying Mark isn’t *wink*), and he blogs at  kevinyb.posterous.com
• Noha is very passionate about human rights (she didn’t have to tell me that, I know)! She’s run a very popular blog for some years now, and the only reason I don’t have the site here is because due to too much traffic on the site, she’s moving the blog to a new host, and I’ll let you have the link as soon as it is up. She does school related blog posts however, at nohaatef.wordpress.com
• And there’s me, who’s intrigued by open data, run a blog (what you’re reading), and I’m passionate about my Nigeria!

On the course, I’ve made my first html page, learnt about RSS feeds, increased my knowledge of Flickr (I have an active account now), moved beyond observing to actually video blogging, we played with a bit of photography last week, every Tuesday is something to look forward too…. We’ve even had chocolates in class too, celebrating with Noha and the Egyptian Revolution (gave me my 2nd video too)…

Our task (deliverable if you like) for this module is to stage a social media event (from scratch), and unlike the class of 2009 where they were given a theme and target audience (because for me the theme determined/narrowed who the audience would be), we have to come up with a theme, an audience, speakers, an agenda, everything! Did I mention this event has to happen in April (just spits away)?

To be fair, Dave Harte gave us pointers as per the theme and that formed the foundation for what our event is about now! Doesn’t take away the fact that at some point, I would have given my arm for him to just ‘dictate’ for us to follow!

Our very first meeting was at the Urban Coffee Company, and amongst other things, was the location for my first ‘vlog’! Forget the fact that our major achievement for that first meet was just a friendly chat, and a lot of circles around  the theme…

At one of the meetings, we broke down the class into functional units, all reporting to Mark, our chairman…

Content (research and definition of a theme, after which we’ll all chip in): Noha
Logistics e.g. venues, funds, technical: Mark and Chioma
Media e.g. blogging about progress: Jase and Kevin
Marketing e.g. design, Twitter, FB: Leonie, Simi and Karen

The theme of the event is We Are What We Tweet: Our Stories, Our Truth, Our Power. With each meeting, we’ve strengthened the agenda, we’re still working on speakers, gotten a venue, and now we’re advertising our event, sourcing funding, and handling issues as they arise! We even have an advert for the event, still a rough cut, but we’re more than grateful to Andy Watt for helping out!

Looking back now I must say that having to chart the course our event would take has really been a rewarding experience for the class, and especially for me because we moved from nothing, to what we’re holding now. Over the last couple of weeks we’ve held endless meetings, sent uncountable documents back and forth, agreed, disagreed but it’s all been worth it. If not anything, I have learnt three things so far,

• Division of labor is necessary – ensures that there is no duplication of efforts to the detriment of other aspects of the work
• Communication is key – there’s nothing that cannot be resolved (or compromised on) as long as everyone involved talks about it
• People are different – we all are different and so our approaches to themes will vary; harnessing the strengths in our differences and compromising brings out the best in everyone, keeps us all happy, and most importantly ensures the aim is still achieved!

One of our numerous meetings.......

All you need to know about the event is here,  http://wearewhatwetweet.com/, you can talk to us on twitter via @wawwt, and most importantly, you’re welcome to attend our event! It is free to attend, and you can sign up for the event here http://www.eventbrite.com/event/1437265901/efbnen

P:S – I learnt to do this today in class so this is me giving you directions to the venue of our event! Woohoo!!

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