Posted: October 13, 2010 in DAY 2 DAY, POLITICS?
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When I was a little fairy, we watched loads of cartoons, so much that I am a cartoon addict till today. Now even though the cartoons we have around now are closer than they are farther to crap, I still love them. In my time we had Super Ted, Danger Mouse, Voltron (and its ok if you didn’t meet them or caught only the reruns); these days they have explicit violence, crazy values, and even soft porn in the likes of Ben 10, Phineas and Ferb, etc. Do you feel the kids these kids are getting short-changed?

Moving on, I’ve always loved the classics – Hansel and Gretel, Snow White and the seven dwarfs, Sleeping Beauty, and no, Shrek is not a classic (especially not with it almost becoming a series and things).

I do not like horror movies; I can’t stand thrillers (which in my opinion are a deceitful name given to scary movies too) and anything that won’t let me sleep well at night. So ranging from the Poltergeist to Saw to 28 days, even to Sabrina the teenage witch, I won’t watch. Bringing it home, I’m such a chicken (proudly wearing that tag) that I watched half of ‘willie willie’ and couldn’t sleep for days, so I never watched it again.

Anyways so I love the classics, I love happy endings, I love the whole fairy tale hoopla and in the course of my long fairy life, I’ve come across a couple of sad people who don’t seem to be able to draw the line between a fairy tale and real life. That’s a big problem because they begin to expect an Nkechi to be Snow White; they expect an Olamide to be Pinocchio and so on. The end result? Disaster.

Recently, I believe Nigeria is trying to do either of two things:

  1. Write our own classic fairy tale or
  2. Act a horror film

How else will you explain the bizarre, plain ridiculous occurrences (for lack of a better defining phrase) in Nigeria over the past couple weeks? And they are happening at such an amazing speed it’s almost hard to keep up!

We were recently embarrassed internationally on our 50th birthday and because we are who we are, we had to sacrifice a couple innocent souls on the altar of sheer ineptitude while we were at it.

In an earlier chronicle I listed institutions that are operating with the wrong job descriptions; we are just learning that our President and Commander-in-Chief of the Armed Forces moonlights as the PR/Scheduler for a terrorist organization! And I’ll leave it at that, because I won’t waste time and space recounting the joke he’s made of himself.

Of course I’ll spare you the drama of the Jomo Gbomo and Cynthia White fiasco; of them being aliases of Henry Okah (and therefore not real people) because that’s just plain insulting to our collective intelligence as Nigerians. Are they saying Yardie and his team did the amnesty negotiations with ‘surrogates’ (and I still think that is a silly movie) or the tide has changed because Henry is singing from a different hymn sheet?

Also hilarious are the comments the SSS are making about the whole thing. In one breath, they were aware of the bomb plans two weeks to the strike, in another they are handicapped because of the rains, and then they want a peck on the cheek for allowing only two bombs go off instead of the original nine? Seriously?

Still on kisses, journalists are referring to Cecelia Ibru’s sentencing as a slap on the wrist; I personally think it’s a peck on the cheek! One person, one human being stole N191, 000, 000, 000 and all she gets is 6 months behind bars (18 months on a three count charge running concurrently). That’s hardly a deterrent to the next aspiring thief, in fact, to borrow a phrase Banky W used, the skies won’t tie the shoelaces of the next generation of thieves, talk less of being their limit! Did I mention that a court in Lagos recently sentenced a man to 6 months imprisonment for stealing N61, 000?

Truth is, at this rate we have all the ingredients for a great horror movie, but we can still change it. You know the parts in fairy tales when something happens and changes the whole plot? That’s where we are. This is that turning point moment, that precipice. And rather than make it sloppy by relying on Deux ex Machina (Hand of God), let’s do something.

Let’s rewrite this script. Simple. Let’s rewrite this script by getting informed, by reading widely. Be aware of what’s going on, ask questions, gather as much information as you can on any available subject so you can always make informed choices. So that the conviction with which you make any decision is strong enough to keep it from faltering.

The man offering you N100, 000 (and funnily it’s always less) to mobilise your fellow youth to incite violence, ask him where his children are. If they are not outside the country studying, stop reading my blog. Feel free to be a little dramatic and throw the money in his face.

Most importantly, Register (whenever Jega and his minions get to it), Select a candidate you deem credible based on your reading and information gathering, Vote the person in a calm and orderly manner, and Protect the vote by waiting till they are counted and a result announced at the centre.

Ready with your pens people? Let’s turn this horror movie into the fairy tale our kids would be proud of!

  1. Zubby says:

    Yeah u rite. Lets for christ sake not vote for ….. I aCtually so love paragraph 1


  2. Eziaha says:

    yeah sweetie im with u on the NO horror movies abeg. gimme romantic comedy, happy endings anyday jare.
    and yeah spot on on this horror movie naija is cookin.
    as for Cecilia, i dont even have anythin to say. lookin at the list of houses, i am damn sure she owns my house bein that she owns the whole of ikoyi… well almost.
    at this rate, votin may not be all we are required to do. even protect sef. m thinkin of a great way to meet and beat ‘them’ on dia own wavelenth sef.
    and yeah ur other artucle abt the tweet thin shows that ur really havin fun with ur studies. kinda reminds me of the fun i have now that im doen with studyin for my pharmacy degree and doin what i really LOVE in the social sciences and not what my parents wanted for thier daughter…
    sweets, FIND UR PASSION, stay with it…. i see ur already doin that.
    best wishes hun


  3. Jecinta Keshy says:

    Chioma, I must confess that I took my time to read this piece and I am glad I did! I too think the kids these days are being shortchanged (cartoons these days are nothing but encouraging: violence, porn, witchcraft etc).

    And as for President G J, you were spot-on! I must say I am quite disappointed in him!

    Thanks dear for putting this information out there. Final words- ladies and gentlemen of my dearly beloved country- LET’S COME OUT AND VOTE CREDIBLE PEOPLE TO RULE OUR COUNTRY, IF FOR NOTHING FOR OUR CHILDREN SAKE!

    Well-done fairly God-sister


  4. Nas says:

    my dear as always u r on point, Vote nd vote well do not give in to old despots tht want to come back and correct mistakes or do new ones. Let’s move our nation to new heights by first registering, then choosing a credible candidate and then ensuring tht person wins by voting him in.


  5. Vito says:

    Ibru’s case make’s a mess of the idea that the punishment was to serve as deterrent. Talking about our independence day bombing, it has demystified the SSS with the way they were caught unprepared despite warning from both JOMO/WHITE and foreign intelligence agencies. More annoying was the way GEJ was unable rise to provide a crucially needed leadership to a city in shock thereby allowing some old fools to play politics with peoples lives.

    But like you said, there is a way out of this horror. We only have to RSVP – Register/Scrutinise~select/Vote/Protect. That’s the new swag in town.


  6. @ Vito, I agree with the punishment being weak, and very ineffective if it was to serve as a deterrent. It gets curious too, when you look at the trend where the ‘big people’ get seemingly slim punishments for mega crimes and the ‘regular’ people face the full wrath of the law. Few examples would be Tafa Balogun, Don Etiebet; Cecelia Ibru….the list is painfully endless.

    @ Nasiru, you would have noticed a certain part of your comment was taken out. That’s because the aim is to keep this platform as neutral as possible, and not be seen as promoting anyone’s agenda. That said you touched on the aim of the last couple of chronicles I’ve done, R.S.V.P!

    @ Jecinta, not only am I happy that you took the time to read the chronicle, I’m happy you enjoyed it. About the cartoons, I sat to watch with my nephew a couple Saturdays ago, and that’s when I was convinced we definitely got the better end of the deal! You’re an opinion leader, use your networks, the new swag is to Register, Vote, and Protect the vote!

    @ Eziaha, I laughed with the thought that Ibru owns the very house you live in (who knows)! Let me know when you’ve fine-tuned that idea about beating them at their game!
    About my class here, I’m starting a series called, ‘getting in the groove’ which will chronicle the life of an international student in the united Kingdom, sounds like fun to me already! Do you believe I wanted to be a doctor? Another story for another day!

    @ Zubby, again I edited a part of your comment; for the same reason I did Nasiru’s. Thanks for loving paragraph one, I loved writing it too!


  7. carmenmccain says:

    a great piece, Chioma. This past year has been where reality has indeed been stranger than reality: the long absense of the president when no one knew where he was, the Mutallab groin bomb, the most recent bombs in Abuja, Boko Haram prison break and other attacks…. It makes me read with renewed respect, Helon Habila’s novel Waiting for an Angel, where the line between the fictions and stories within the overall story of the novel and reality became very thin….

    And as for movies, I love cartoons too and I can’t handle horror either. lol.


    • In the light of these, the onus lies on us to rewrite this script; baby step by baby step: vote out the evil, vote in the good. Then we can move to the next thing which is holding our leaders accountable!


  8. Awobode Titilayo says:

    Nice one Chioma, I hope a lot of us can work with this mindset. But …oh Lord to your hands we commit our country


  9. hajjoh says:

    weldone FGS, for doing your bit to ensure we get the very happy ending we all madly desire.The fact remains we have the ability to create and effect the change we so want. Even in our present reality


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