I’VE RUN OUT OF TEARS

Posted: July 27, 2011 in DAY 2 DAY
Tags: , ,

You never get used to it, I found out recently. Even if you had the same experience everyday for seven days, its occurrence on the eighth would still have the same shocking and devastating event. Even if it was your enemy, this is one piece of information that jolts with the same intensity as electricity. You never get used to death.

Two Sunday’s ago there was a family celebration; my cousin dedicated her baby girl in church and we all went for the reception. It was so much fun, the music, the food, the emcee was on point (overdid it at some point but I’ve forgiven him), it was generally a very interesting and exciting day. I saw my cousins, caught up on gist, where everyone’s at now, that kind of stuff.

I saw my uncle too, I remember the delight on his face when he saw me, and him teasing me about ‘not bringing pounds for him’. I laughed when he said that, knelt in front of him (he was sat on the couch), and he started blessing me in Ibo. One of the prayers he said (that I understood) translated means, ‘you will not bring evil from the white man’s land’. Made me smile because last time I heard/read the phrase ‘white man’s land’ was a veeerrry long time ago.

Uncle teased my sister for not greeting him, and promptly apologized when she said she did and he probably did not hear her; Uncle was easy like that. Very funny, one of the people I probably inherited my sharp tongue (read as wits) from. I took pictures of him with my dad and another relation later that afternoon, one of the many family meetings they held.

Fast forward exactly one week. Sunday I was in Lagos, trying to make up my mind if I could afford to stay for Bez’s album launch or if I should save my money and fly back that afternoon. I was playing with my phone, waiting for the 10 minutes Aero asked for to find me a ticket when flicked down Facebook and saw that a cousin of mine had written ‘Rest in Peace Uncle…..’. I was like, ‘that’s not even possible, what a cruel joke’. I rang my sister, and then my dad, and then I began to cry. Hearing my dad over the phone broke my heart a thousand times over, I love my dad more than anything in the world, and I couldn’t begin to even imagine how much he was hurting, and still is hurting. I replay that conversation in my head unconsciously.

I’m back in Abuja, visited with the family severally, seen the pain first hand on my cousin’s faces. I’ve tried to imagine how they feel, knowing that Friday night they slept and probably said ‘good night daddy’ but that can’t happen anymore. I imagine what I would do if I were in their place and it breaks my heart so much I can’t stop the tears. My mind swings like a pendulum these days, the slightest thing sets off the dam. Lol. You never get used to death walai.

What do you do when you’ve run out of tears? I’m tired of crying; more than ever I know it won’t bring Uncle back. If we could bring him back with our tears I don’t think he wouldn’t have died in the first place with what we’ve shed already.

It’s a wake up call for me, this one. And even though I cannot exactly explain what woke me up or what has been woken up, I know things will never be the same again. The way I see my family, the way I relate with them, every moment is precious. Life is fleeting, here today, tomorrow no more.

Where do we go from here? What’s next, especially since I’ve run out of tears?

I commit you to God Uncle, and to the power of His grace, which will keep you till we meet in a place where no illness whatsoever will be able to take you away from us. And for the family I receive grace to be strong, strength to get through each day, and faith to cast our pain at your feet and bask in the comfort that only you Lord can give.

You live in our hearts forever Uncle, tickle Jesus for me.

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Comments
  1. Jaycee (E.A) says:

    😦 *Hugs* [Every moment here is fleeting, but there’s eternity…and I pray he will rest in God’s hands now)

    Like

  2. Peter says:

    We thank God for his mercies. The man is in a better place.
    Do your best to cheer up! 🙂

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  3. Madame Sting says:

    May he RIP. Pele.

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  4. Death has no shame and this much i know because the grim reaper gives no care to the hurting family. If i could, i would have killed the grim reaper myself years ago to give him a taste of his own medicine but alas! this is the world we live in. Please be strong for your cousins and your parents and the family. Being in pain only gives reason for others to keep reeling in the same pain. God preserve, keep and rest his soul!

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  5. nzesylva says:

    You let it out finally…it always feels better afterwards. We share this moment of grief with you and like all things (we inclusive) it also will pass. Cheer up dearie.

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  6. Iyke O says:

    It’s well dear….He is sleeping and may God give him good rest….Praying that the whole family heals from this great loss..Gudnite to ur dear uncle!

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  7. […] Here today, tomorrow no more, for whatever reason. I’ve written about death before, when I lost a dear uncle, when we lost a baby and an aunty in a week, and after attending a service at an Anglican […]

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  8. Howdy! I’m at work surfing around your blog from my new apple iphone! Just wanted to say I love reading through your blog and look forward to all your posts! Carry on the superb work!

    Like

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