This thing about training a child

Posted: July 18, 2013 in Mumsnet Bloggers Network
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

On a train from Leicester Square to Heathrow about a week ago now I sat beside a man and a young boy who couldn’t be more than nine years old. Typical pesky child, he wanted to know everything – why the vents were open, why they had to stop at so many places before Acton Town (where they got off), if the two people snogging opposite them were married (and if they had children), I found myself chuckling and asking myself if I was that inquisitive at his age! I was probably worse, sigh.

Let’s digress a bit. I don’t think it’s ‘okay’ to kiss and cuddle and do all those other ‘grownup things’ in the presence of children. I don’t know have any research to back this up, nor do I know how to fully explain myself but I just think that if we all delayed their exposure to these things a little, it just might delay their debut into all things intimate and sexual.

Did I say not to show affection in public? Nope, go for it! I’m all for it, actually think it’s cute, all I’m saying is, keep it PG! So, not the saliva exchange programme or fondling, or any of that stuff, get a room (literally)! Otherwise what’s the point of classifying/rating movies if they’ll just see the action live anyways!

Back to the man and the boy now. It was funny trying to concentrate on my book, listen to Michael Franks, and keep up with the boy’s chatter. Then all of sudden, I heard what I’m going to try to reproduce as accurately as I can below.

Man – no, you cannot go out unsupervised with a bunch of friends I don’t know

Boy – not fair! I said I’d bring them home. You’ll know them

Man – doesn’t mean you can go out unsupervised…

Boy – (cuts in) oh shut up

Man – what did you say?

Boy – nothing (mumbles under his breath)

Man – you know you cannot talk to me like that

Boy – (cuts in) you shouldn’t stop me from going out with my friends

The man tried to say something else and in the next few minutes, the number of ‘shut ups’ this urchin told the man (parent or guardian) almost surpasses the number of times I’ve greeted my parents in my lifetime!!

What!! And guess what? The man did/said nothing, apart from “still not going to let you go out unsupervised with kids I do not know”. I thought to myself, “that’s it?” I increased the volume on my music, and for three reasons:

1. Coming from  my background, telling someone older than you (not to talk of your parents) to shut up  was (still is) unimaginable. Never even said it in my mind before!

2. The disgust I felt at the parent for feeding that type of errant behaviour. Was obviously not his first time of lashing out like that, and I wondered how he would talk to his teachers at school.

3. Really needed to get back to my book!

Credit: Rational Hub

Credit: Rational Hub

Gisted my boyfriend and we agreed that on the way to learning/imbibing the fear of the Lord, the fear (read as respect for/obedience to) parents is an important milestone! Will we correct our children? Oh definitely! We will speak to them, pray for/with them, admonish/caution them, and then if we have to, ladies and gentlemen we will spank!

Why? Well, because the idea of children is neither to make up a quota of babies in our community or breed/fatten animals for sale or slaughter; the idea is to bring forth Godly seed that will be great, useful to themselves, us, and to their immediate and extended communities. Hardly starts from telling us to shut up, no?

My kids won’t even think it.

  1. JMAD says:

    About public show of affection, a little child not more than 4 or so was seen in his class putting his hands into his classmates panties. When the teacher caught them he said that’s how his dad shows he loves his mom *poor innocent child*. We really need to be careful with the foundation we lay for our kids. With the advent of the internet we can’t totally control the information they get but we can do our part by laying the right foundation for them. Nice piece.


    • That’s awful! Oh wow!

      It’s sad!

      Read a story on a bbm group I belong to last night of how some teens hid and were engaging in sexual activities in school. Scary stuff. It’d be naive to blame it solely on watching adults be affectionate with each other but I’m sure we all agree that the standards for raising children in our today have dipped seriously. And it’s our fault.


      • JMAD says:

        Oh yea. Don’t know if kids are still spanked these days. Our parents tried to a certain degree i’m wondering what our generation will do. We are so career-oriented. Kai we definitely need to go back to the drawing board and set our priorities right.


  2. TexTheLaw says:

    My 5 year old daughter saw a young couple kissing at Brent Cross, about a month ago, as we queued to buy ice-cream. “Daddy”, she said, whispering, “I want to tell you something. Those two are in love.”

    It was funny, so we all laughed, but it did make me think about how much exposure she was getting.


    • Oh wow…

      It’s a little worrisome for me on some levels, and then frightening what her concept of love is.

      We need to protect these precious ones, we really need to. Not smother or lock up, but protect.


  3. E' says:

    Nne tell me about it
    This child training business is no joke oooo.
    That’s why God and the both of us are doing it together.
    Spanking of course comes with the package. Foolishness abounds in the heart of a child and a rod of correction will beat it out #Proverbs
    There are at least 4 scripture verses that corroborate that…
    Shut up kwa!!! World of ours biko


    • Nne!!

      Real world of ours! Tell me about doing it with God and Le Boo, fortunately we’re already in agreement on that and a few other things around children.

      We can’t afford to fail o, not an option!


  4. dmhanmation says:

    Babe last time I checked you don’t have kids! So wait till you actually do to be certain of your last bit “my kids won’t even think it.” LOL!
    Like you I grew up with the notion of respecting ALL seniors. There were no ifs. whens or buts about it. You just respected them, from the driver to the cleaner. Period. It was non-negotiable. So if that was expected of me with strangers, imagine what my parents expected for themselves! Their word was law. I was almost a robot. I pray I am able to impart similar guidance to my own children but I can’t say for sure it would be guaranteed.
    Every home with children inevitably has that one child who turns out as if they were adopted. Stands out in all the wrong ways and for all the wrong reason. I see it all the time especially with strict parents and begin to wonder “okay where did they go wrong with this one?”
    That is not to say what I have just described is necessarily true of the fellow who was fighting with his overly naughty son (western version of parenting frequently leaves me aghast), but sometimes one is just not in control of how the child turns out regardless of all efforts made.
    Frequently though, it is (as you suspect in this article) merely the result of a huge lapse in parental control. Parents in the west are so busy being their child’s friend, they forget the most important part which is the actual parenting process.
    Sad and may God deliver us from such woeful parenting techniques.


    • My dear, whether I have kids or not at this time is irrelevant o! Do you own a car before you learn to drive?

      I thoroughly agree with you though on that one child going off on a tangent regardless of what the parents do or say. Proud to say that all three of us turned out great, so it is possible and that’s what I pray for and will work towards when I have mine!

      Thanks for reblogging Babe, nice of you!


Say something!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s