I decided to go visit my folks in Asaba (especially my dear Momma who I haven’t seen in 11 months) and so I packed a bag (or box, since my Royal Majesty doesn’t know how to travel light), and off to the airport I went.

By the way, Abuja folks, there is this new taxi service at the airport called ‘Viko’. If you take them to or from the airport, your next trip is free. All you need to do is text them your desired pick up location, time, and contact details 24 hours before your next flight and someone will come for you. And on time too! I used them so I can tell.

So I got to the airport, and funnily that’s where I met Emem who I’d tried to meet up with the night before. We had a quick discussion/meeting before her flight was called and she pushed off.

I went into the Biobak in the departure lounge and bought a pie and donkwa (Northern snack made of groundnuts and peppery spices). My flight was called, and I went to board. Waiting for my boarding pass to be checked, some lady came and stood before me on the queue. Of course I didn’t stand for it but it made me smile. What was she thinking? I tweeted…

Screenshot 2014-07-12 07.13.01

Then I went to board, and because I have the habit of leaving this particular handbag open the person to do the body scan saw my small bottle of water and said I had to drop it. I tried to explain that I needed my water and wasn’t a law against water on the plane but you know how we Nigerians get when we only have an instruction in our heads; no room for discretion – we just keep repeating the instruction over and over again. By the time she she’d said, “ madam you cannot take the water on board – it is not allowed” the 4th time, I left the water with her. Yes I was fuming. Ok, only maybe just a little bit.

Got to the door of the aircraft and I met two members of the cabin crew and a/the pilot. I turned to the one smiling (a guy) and asked how much water I was allowed, and he said one. I was thinking of the miniature bottles they offer and so I asked if I could get a second one because I’d been asked to drop mine and I’d been feeling pretty dehydrated all day so I was a little upset.

Pilot (who I wasn’t talking to) said, “you are not allowed to take liquids on a plane anywhere in the world”. Fallacy. So many things wrong with that statement (including the fact that I wasn’t speaking to him in the first place) so I said, “it’s not true”. Then he goes, “ don’t teach me my job”. Ticked me off so I very quickly said, “don’t have any plans to teach you your job. More importantly, I wasn’t speaking to you so if you’re not the one who will serve refreshments later please let me conclude this conversation”. Turned back to the guy, confirmed I would get an extra bottle, and then I went to my seat (after warding off some politician who had said hello earlier and now wanted to hold my hand). Why? Cos I’m blind or unable to lead myself to my seat? Arrghh!! Tweeted…

Screenshot 2014-07-12 07.13.24

Screenshot 2014-07-12 07.13.36

Of course there had to be someone on my seat (because it doesn’t rain but pour). While I tried to gather my composure enough to say so, another hostess came to say it was free seating. I thanked her, and moved to the next row that had a window seat only for the lady sat on the aisle seat to roll her eyes at me when I asked her to let me get in. Made a big show of standing up for me to get through but I was too exhausted (physically and mentally) to even bother. No energy.

I sat down, took a few deep breaths and smiled. Then I brought out what I’m reading at the moment, “The Social Media President”, brought out my donkwa too. Next few tweets capture what happened next.

Screenshot 2014-07-12 07.12.02

Screenshot 2014-07-12 07.12.11

Screenshot 2014-07-12 07.12.32

Beggi beggi, after rolling her eyes at me. Took all of me not to chuckle.

Got to Asaba ok, and ran into the loving arms of my Momma (after helping some lady trying to coordinate her infant, handbag, and a small box), and as soon as we started gisting on the drive home, everything else (pilot, beggi beggi, lady at the foot of the aircraft) paled. Felt super to be home!

xx

PS – I got my water. Two bottles.

PSS – Liquids are allowed on planes, depends on airport, quantity, where you got the liquid (naturally Duty Free Area works rather than before you cross security). I wasn’t just channeling drama. At MM2 in Lagos, normally depending on who it is, they’ll ask you to take a sip of it and then it can go through. Lord knows what (all over the world this ‘international pilot’ was referring to).

PSSS – this post was written on the 10th of July. 🙂

PSSSS – Flew from Abuja to Lagos a few days ago. Flight was hella smooth! Let’s not forget the smooth, soothing voice of the pilot *wink* …Slept right through it, and of course, I tweeted… And learned his surname is actually Norton.

Screenshot 2014-07-24 15.27.21 Screenshot 2014-07-24 15.27.34 Screenshot 2014-07-24 15.27.44 Screenshot 2014-07-24 15.28.32

*wink*

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Comments
  1. *rolling on the floor and laughing hard*
    Beggi Beggi?….seriously?
    Thanks for making my day FGS!!!…I certainly didn’t envy your shoes… I can, without the tiniest hesitation say, that I can wait for my fair share of airport drama….

    Like

    • Ha ha ha! Glad I could do this for you Lizzie, yay! Airport drama? Dunno if I should be thankful that it gives me stories to tell, or I should be frustrated with the absolute silliness some people exhibit!

      Like

  2. Nnedimma says:

    Aero and their frustrated, self-important staff sha.

    Like

  3. E' says:

    Loooool
    My airport stories are for this generation and the next

    Like

  4. yenekeap says:

    The first guy, was he Nigerian? ….wda liked to see his “well I never” face if he wasn’t, lol!

    Like

  5. Rita Eghujovbo says:

    Haha haha these liquid matter enhhn! Interesting read as always Chioma. Regards to mum.

    Like

  6. […] The story about the trip to Asaba from Abuja is here; yep it’s the story about the ‘beggi beggi’ woman. […]

    Like

  7. kyuriyuskay says:

    Just thought I should mention that Dakuwa (Donkwa) has as much Tiger Nuts (Aya) in it (even more if I’m not mistaken) as it does Groundnuts. Point is its not only super delicious but also packed with nutrients as well. http://tigernutsusa.com/health-benefits-more

    ROTFLMAO at the Begi Begi lady.

    Liked by 1 person

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