#31Days31Writers: Tessa says, “I don’t have to feel perfect to give thanks”

Tessa’s on today, and her post is one that invokes memories for me, and I’m sure for everyone else who has ever lost someone. Her voice is one of thanksgiving though, and it is a charge to us that even on the days when we just want to curl up in a ball and moan, we can (and should be) thankful. Harder than it sounds I know, but doable.

I am writing the 30 days of gratitude challenge and even though I don’t feel perfect inside me, I realise that I don’t have to feel perfect to give thanks.

Why don’t I feel perfect?

I am still getting used to the fact that my dad is gone.

My daddy died on the 1st of October in the early hours of the morning.

I didn’t think I would cry but I did and I grieve but in spite of that I’m grateful for his life and that he got his chance to make his peace with God.

Life without God is not a walk in the park. I’m writing on my way to church. I’m thankful to God that he got a glimpse of God even if he didn’t get to walk closely with God.

I am thankful for my family. For love, for life, for God’s grace and favour. I’m thankful for the victories that we have gotten and more to come.

I’m thankful of all things for the relationship I have with God, even though I’ve not been talking much to Him, just listening. I’ve not gotten my bearings yet.

In spite of my silence, God is still good, I keep seeing His hand around me, even in things I didn’t pray about. I am kind of low on compassion these days cause I am looking out for yours truly.

I am thankful for the new year and this one. It would be interesting to see how we cope without our dad and who he was to us. I am confident though that God is not going anywhere, he remains in the midst of us, lifting, guiding, protecting, defending and leading us and most of all, I am confident he has good thoughts for us.

Nothing prepared me for this but I believe it’s the right time. It happened at the time that God allowed. I’m stretched on all sides trying to be everything for my family members and failing.

Now, from this moment, I surrender it all to God, He is the One who knows how to take care of us all, all the aspects of our lives, and most especially, our inner man, He knows how to soothe the hurts, how to work through the pain, pierce between soul and Spirit and bring peace and calm, he knows how to sort between friend and foe and bring helpers, Jonathan’s, sent by God.

He knows how to take off the pressure and lead beside the still waters, so even though I weep, I’m grateful for new things.

I trust God to make a way in the wilderness and bring streams in the deserts.

So in all the awesome things that have happened and in the passing of our father, the One God gave, I give thanks.

O Give thanks to the Lord, his mercies endureth forever.

First off, my most profound condolences on your dad…it is well with you. Receive strength and comfort from The One who gives and gives and gives. Plenty hugs, your family’s in my thoughts and prayers.

Second, I envy your relationship with God, seriously I do! And I trust Him for grace for myself to be able to lean on Him completely. 

About the horn of unforgiveness

How easy is it for you to forgive? Easy/difficult? Or something you don’t even dare? Are you one of those people who say they can forgive but they can never ever, ever forget? Lol… I used to be like that.

I attended a service in Asaba late in 2014 and my father preached on the horn of unforgiveness. As always I made notes you can share in, so welcome to church!

He started by saying, the company you follow/accompany determines what will follow/accompany you. I totally agree.

Zechariah 1:17-21

Unforgiveness is refusing to let go of something or someone who in your opinion hurt you.

Unforgiveness is not holding my peace and letting God fight for me but forcing Him out of my fight because I want to do it all myself. That’s scary, who are we without Him?

Matthew 18:20-21

Genesis 50:17 – ‘This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.’ Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.” When their message came to him, Joseph wept.”

Who has noticed that forgiving people can be a difficult thing? And the greater the grief they caused, the harder it might be to forgive. But it is a clear instruction from God. We must forgive.

2^nd Chronicles 7:14

Psalm 130:3- 4 “Who forgives all your iniquities, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies”

Zechariah 1:17-21 (yes, we read it again, for emphasis).

So, how do we defeat the horn of unforgiveness, which is rooted in anger? By the way, anger is some sort of inflammation, deep-rooted resentment or upset. The dictionary defines it as…

Psalm 103:4-5 “If you, Lord, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand? ⁴ But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you.”

Ephesians 4:26-27

Daddy mentioned something I want to ask about; do you know how your heart skips a beat when you round a corner and see someone you’ve got beef for/with? Lol… Unhealthy stuff.

And the sad/unfortunate thing is that most times the person we’re beefing is not even aware so we’re just stressing our hearts and minds and the person is walking around free!

How do you deal with anger? (Err, don’t worry there’s no magical or high-sounding formula)

1. Keep your cool
2. Don’t say or do anything when you’re angry. This is something we probably already knew but did you know the Bible mentions it too? Proverbs 25:11, 15:1,3.

Ecclesiastes 7:9 – “Control your temper, for anger labels you a fool.”  Verse 17 of the same scripture says, “On the other hand, don’t be too wicked either. Don’t be a fool! Why die before your time?”

Did you learn something? Now to ask God for grace to let that learning shine through the things we do so that the few minutes we spent reading this don’t waste.

Dear Lord, help us to always turn our fights over to you, to remember that living like/for you means we must forgive people who offend us just like we’re forgiven all our sins as well. Help us to live right, amen.

Have a good week!

PS: Did you go to church today? Hope it’s a yes…

Another one bites the dust…

Cory Monteith. Michael Jackson. Whitney Houston. What two things do these names have in common? Fame/wealth. Undisputed access to tons and tons of money, acclaim, all that good stuff.

The second thing is illicit drugs/death. Whatever it is they snorted, smoked, injected or inhaled, it led to their death, and very early too. Cory Monteith was 31, Michael Jackson was 50. Talk about lives being cut short.

Exactly one week ago, when I heard Philip Seymour Hoffman had been found dead on the 2nd of February with a needle still stuck in his arm and heroin (a special type called ‘Ace of Spades’) in packets around him, I was sad, then angry, then sad, and angry all over again.

Sad – he died young, he was just 46. He was very popular too, an Oscar award winner, and recently starred in Hunger Games (which by the way I have never watched and don’t think I will ever see because I don’t like fight fight).

Angry – are there not enough examples to prove that drugs are a sure way to die early?

Sad – heartbroken for his family, his wife/partner and their three young children. His parents, and the stigma of being related to the person ‘who died with a needle in his arm’.

Angry – what on earth made him go back to drugs after 23 years of being drug free? Whatever could have entered him all over again? They say his drugs could have been laced with something else. Ok, but why take them in the first place? Why?

I’m sure I could go the sad and angry route a few more times, but I won’t.

Psychologists say anything you do for 30 days becomes a habit – this man had been drug free for at least 8280 days! Then according to a report I read, he started abusing prescription pills, graduated to heroin, and then on to this substance that took his life.

I chatted with someone recently, and he told me the amount of thanks and gratitude he got because he gave him a $5 tip. 5 dollars. Reports say just weeks ago the now late Seymour withdrew $1200 from an ATM to pay for these drugs. $1200 on drugs when the next man is almost throwing a party because he was gifted 5 bucks.

Here’s another reason why I am angry – a child is attracted by the flickering light of a candle, and they want to touch it. Most times we let them because we know once it hurts them that first time, they most likely will not go back to it again. ‘Most likely’ because children have the attention span of a goldfish! Bless them.

23 years after, did he forget? Did he become so wealthy that he felt that the drugs would ‘fear/respect his money’ and not harm him? What was he thinking? The Bible says that the things that are written are unto us for examples.

Just like I wrote the ‘learn from it, don’t be it‘ post when Cory Monteith died, I’m writing again  – say NO to drugs. Say No, and mean it so much that whoever asked you before will be convinced you are not interested. You shouldn’t even be friends with such people in the first place!

RIP Philip Seymour Hoffman.

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THIS COLD!!!

So I woke up angry this morning, as in very angry! You’re aware of the ‘waking up on the wrong side of the bed’ phrase abi, today I felt like I didn’t even wake up from any bed! Yes, that’s how angry I was! ‘What could have gotten the FGS so riled up’, you might be wondering; well, I’ll tell you in a minute.

Now, I’m not angry because David Mark is seeking a fourth term as the Number Three man in Nigeria (since it’s his sole inheritance), or because the members of the National Assembly are working on a bill that amongst other things, make them automatic members of the National Executive Councils (NEC) of the parties they belong to; hell, I’m not even angry that members of the Lagos State House of Assembly that joined Lagosians to ‘commemorate’ a hundred days of their doctors strike because (in the words of Fashola), the state cannot afford to raise their salaries can sit to discuss getting themselves new cars! Don’t get me wrong, these and many more issues make my blood boil, but that’s not why I’m angry, and this early in the day.

So, why am I angry? It’s this cold, this blistering, unforgiving, insensitive cold! It’s this cold that doesn’t realize it should treat me gently because my black and beautiful skin isn’t configured for extreme weathers! It’s the same reason I complain about the open grill party Abuja’s sun holds sometimes (using the residents as beef) but that’s another matter, for another day! Sometimes I think Abuja has sinned so much the scorching sun is one way of punishing us! Haba!

So the cold is the source of my anger, and it’s not even snowing properly yet! My mind darts to the shelves where my sandals and six-inch heels are arranged and suddenly I’m smiling through my anger. Why? I’m smiling because I know all that footwear is useless till June next year.  Ditto my shorts and pretty little dresses. For ‘health reasons’ I am confined to boots and layers of clothing that not only make me feel like an Eskimo, but make me pray I don’t have to run anywhere because of the sheer weight of the clothing! I wonder how people who work in cold stores cope in these times, hmph!

It is known that telling children simple things like, ‘don’t eat that, it’s peppery’, automatically triggers an irresistible longing for them to eat that thing and then cry later. Now, what if you tempt that child by keeping them hungry for like three days, and then on the third day drop a bowl of peppery food on a table and tell them not to touch it?

Men and brethren that is exactly what is happening to me! My landlord has twisted the scriptures and is now reading, ‘Fairy GodSister, I will lead you into temptation, deliver yourself from evil’. How else will you explain them switching off the central heating at 11.30pm every night, and switching it back on by 7 in the morning?  In this weather? And then telling me not to buy my own heating? I could be wrong; I just believe that apart from it being darkest before dawn, it is the coldest frigging time of the day!

So I woke up in the middle of the night (and no it wasn’t to get a chocolate bar), I was literally having a panic attack because according to Osuofia in the movie ‘Ukwa’, my lungs had ‘congealed’! And no, I wasn’t wearing silk; I had on a long-sleeved tee, a cardigan, stockings, socks, and woollen joggers. And yes, I was under my double duvet too! In all of this, I was freezing, and of course, I had lost feeling in my digits.

Made me remember someone I saw sleeping on the floor at a train station a couple of weeks before and I hoped to God he had found a place to stay and keep warm.

So I’m a little sober and grateful to God I have a roof over my bed (and fridge full of food) but I’m still angry! I added a head-warmer and gloves to my ensemble, eucalyptus oil to my ear lobes and nostrils, and went back to sleep, albeit in fits and starts (I guess I was unconsciously checking to see that I was still breathing)! By the way, eucalyptus oil is my mom’s answer to everything; from colds, to toothache, to belly ache, and my personal favourite, eye trouble! I love you ma!

I went to complain as soon as the sun came out; scratch that, there’s no sun here anymore, I’m thinking Abuja or Lagos borrowed it (considering the complains of heat from those areas). Anyways so I went to complain, and with benefit of hindsight, I should have used the time to write another chronicle, do some school work, cook myself a meal, or worst case scenario, play with an imaginary dog! If by now you’re thinking nothing came of my complaints, you’re very smart and should get yourself a drink!

Its afternoon now, and I just noticed I was unintentionally counting down to 11.30pm. All in the name of adult education abi?  Fortunately I’m Nigerian (yay!!) which means I’m wired to be resilient, adaptive and strung to survive anywhere. So, where are my layers? Let’s do this!

As for my landlord, Igbo people say, ‘ukwa ruo oge ya, o da’! Ditto for the members of the National Assembly.

Ready to brave the cold!

P:S – most of the followers of this blog have complained about the sway towards more academic rather than leisure writing. I understand your concern, and I’m working on a solution, ok?

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