About the horn of unforgiveness

How easy is it for you to forgive? Easy/difficult? Or something you don’t even dare? Are you one of those people who say they can forgive but they can never ever, ever forget? Lol… I used to be like that.

I attended a service in Asaba late in 2014 and my father preached on the horn of unforgiveness. As always I made notes you can share in, so welcome to church!

He started by saying, the company you follow/accompany determines what will follow/accompany you. I totally agree.

Zechariah 1:17-21

Unforgiveness is refusing to let go of something or someone who in your opinion hurt you.

Unforgiveness is not holding my peace and letting God fight for me but forcing Him out of my fight because I want to do it all myself. That’s scary, who are we without Him?

Matthew 18:20-21

Genesis 50:17 – ‘This is what you are to say to Joseph: I ask you to forgive your brothers the sins and the wrongs they committed in treating you so badly.’ Now please forgive the sins of the servants of the God of your father.” When their message came to him, Joseph wept.”

Who has noticed that forgiving people can be a difficult thing? And the greater the grief they caused, the harder it might be to forgive. But it is a clear instruction from God. We must forgive.

2^nd Chronicles 7:14

Psalm 130:3- 4 “Who forgives all your iniquities, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies”

Zechariah 1:17-21 (yes, we read it again, for emphasis).

So, how do we defeat the horn of unforgiveness, which is rooted in anger? By the way, anger is some sort of inflammation, deep-rooted resentment or upset. The dictionary defines it as…

Psalm 103:4-5 “If you, Lord, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand? ⁴ But with you there is forgiveness, so that we can, with reverence, serve you.”

Ephesians 4:26-27

Daddy mentioned something I want to ask about; do you know how your heart skips a beat when you round a corner and see someone you’ve got beef for/with? Lol… Unhealthy stuff.

And the sad/unfortunate thing is that most times the person we’re beefing is not even aware so we’re just stressing our hearts and minds and the person is walking around free!

How do you deal with anger? (Err, don’t worry there’s no magical or high-sounding formula)

1. Keep your cool
2. Don’t say or do anything when you’re angry. This is something we probably already knew but did you know the Bible mentions it too? Proverbs 25:11, 15:1,3.

Ecclesiastes 7:9 – “Control your temper, for anger labels you a fool.”  Verse 17 of the same scripture says, “On the other hand, don’t be too wicked either. Don’t be a fool! Why die before your time?”

Did you learn something? Now to ask God for grace to let that learning shine through the things we do so that the few minutes we spent reading this don’t waste.

Dear Lord, help us to always turn our fights over to you, to remember that living like/for you means we must forgive people who offend us just like we’re forgiven all our sins as well. Help us to live right, amen.

Have a good week!

PS: Did you go to church today? Hope it’s a yes…

“I learnt to let go and forgive” – Onaedo!! #31days31writers

Onaedo is special. Special because I don’t know if I ever tweeted her before I made the call on Twitter about the #31days31writers project. But I made the call, and she said she was up for it, and she was actually one of the first to send her entry in, so thank you babes! Twitter made real! (Well not completely, yet)

I loved her article, has such an honesty to it I can relate to every word! I would ask why she did the change of name but hey, why don’t you get done reading first? For the 11th day of this project, I present the beautiful Onaedo!!

My name is Olayinka (I have adopted the name, Onaedo), I am a Nigerian, a (non-practicing) Lawyer, veering into Administration and HR, blogging (still a learner) (blog.asoroko.com, oloriola.blogspot.com) and a host of other things that are still in the works.

Writing about my 2013 could take up all your time to read, so I’ll  just stick with the basics and shoot, starting with what I learnt this year.

What did I learn? Well, a whole lot, but the most important one to me is that which I learnt of myself. I learnt, shockingly, that I still had a lot of suppressed anger and resentment to deal with. Not what you might have been expecting? Sorry, but honesty they say, is the best policy.

The good thing though is, I learnt to release them. I learnt to let go and forgive. I realize that people are not perfect and if they knew better, they would do better. I realize that, maybe, that was the best they had to offer at the time and I have made my peace with that. Instead of paying lip service to forgiving and letting go, I actually did and am still doing; forgiveness is a continuous process. Who am I to demand what people can not give when I am less than perfect too? Besides, all those clichés you heard about forgiveness are true, I am a living witness, (somebody shout Hosanna!).

I have learnt, again, to be more at peace with myself and worry less. There have been bouts of feelings of helplessness and a loss of faith, but they have been fleeting too. Right now, I have Peace, Faith and Hope immeasurably and it would be an absolute no-no to trade those for anything in the world.

What I am most grateful for, amongst other things, is life, my family and my friends. I know people who I didn’t think would just leave like that, but they did. A terrible reminder of how fickle and precarious life is, so I am grateful I am still here, with the ones I love and who love me. I realize that nothing is real but love after all, (you should listen to ‘Nothing’s Real But Love’ by Rebecca Ferguson; it’s a beautiful but earnest reminder of the essence of time and love).

To what I would do differently if I could; it’s to have loved more, to have given more and to have been more committed to my purpose, (I have quite a few of ‘would have, could have, should have-s’ but this is top on the list). I have loads of excuses for falling short, but I know, at the end of the day, they are just that; excuses.

Above all, I am (still and always) learning, growing, evolving, yet, being me in the process. My essence, what makes me ‘me’, is what I would not lose.

PS  – I am still not excited about Christmas, I think I need help! Help me please; somebody, anybody!

Wow… I just love her haircut!! Wonder if I’ll ever be able to pluck the courage to do this!

“I use writing as a tool to make a difference” – Chijioke #31days31writers

We’re on our way to the 31st of December! So far we’ve had Chude, Francine, Emeka, and today we have a lovely lady who went to the same secondary school with me, Miss Chijioke Ogbogu!

M.A.D

My name is Chijioke Ogbogu and I’m Nigerian; I’m a Materials Engineer working with an Engineering firm. I use writing as a tool to Make A Difference.

I’ve had my fair share of practically everything this year; the laughter, joys, tears and all but in all of this I realised it’s really not about the destination rather the journey. I started the year with lots of plans, some were achieved and I’m grateful to God. I’ll share a few of the lessons I learnt through the journey of 2013.

I had planned on starting off a blog this year; this was borne out of a desire to share a few thoughts with anyone who came across it. Never did it cross my mind that I had a tool that goes beyond sharing thoughts. I did a post on a little baby, Kehinde who was born with Multiple Congenital Anomalies (MCA) who needed N2, 000,000.00 for a surgery in Nigeria but at the end of the day we were able to raise a whole lot that was able to foot his bills to India with his twin, mother and the lady helping them. I learnt the only limitations we truly experience are the ones we place on ourselves. I lost little Kenny a month after the surgery because of a minor stomach upset but it made me more resolute in using the tool of writing to impact my generation however little it is.

I was blessed with a baby brother this year and you’ll be wondering why it’s news, just hang in a little longer. I grew up with two younger sisters, although we would have wanted the presence of a brother but it never happened. Now here’s the interesting part in 2011 my mom gave birth to a boy who in the natural law of things shouldn’t be so, my last sister was seventeen then and my mom obviously isn’t a teenager either. While we were rejoicing over that, God and His huge sense of humour gave us another adorable brother. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it that I’ve two younger brothers in less than two years. I learnt we can’t put God in a straitjacket; He’s still in the habit of performing mind-blowing miracles, question is do you really believe?

A friend I trusted a whole lot broke that trust in 2012, although I said I had forgiven him but deep down I resented him. I was in a class with some youths and the topic was on forgiveness and I knew it was about time to release the hurt I felt. I had to make peace even though it meant me apologising. I apologised not because it was the easiest thing to do but it was the bravest. I have learnt using the word I AM SORRY doesn’t show weakness rather strength; we forgive those who wrong us because carrying unforgiveness is a huge load, the world already has lots of stress why add to it by carrying on with past wounds. Truth is we are not all perfect, we get to upset people too and funny thing is some of them may not even know you’re upset with them but beyond all these lessons we shoot ourselves in the foot when we say the Lord’s prayer “Lord forgive us as we forgive those who sin against us”

I’m looking forward to 2014, knowing it’s going to be a great year. See you on the other side!

Beautiful smile, beautiful heart! Thanks for writing in babe!

Related articles

• DAY 1: The first in the ‘a post a day’ series – Chude Jideonwo (fairygodsister.wordpress.com)

PICKING THE PIECES

When God created Adam and Eve, one of the things He told them was to replenish the earth (that’s the only portion of the Bible people who have seven or more children read in my opinion). Seriously though, He told them to have dominion over every thing that walked, swam, crawled, or flew. We all know the bit about Adam falling, and Jesus dying on the cross to save man from his sins, reunite us with the Father (God), and guarantee us a place in heaven. Following me up to this point?

Jesus death on the cross also restored our dominion to us, restored the ability we had (and Adam lost) to take charge of his surroundings, situations around him, etc. That’s why children of God can speak to issues around them and they obey.

Same thing happens today. When we make mistakes, when we fall, God sits and waits for us to come back to Him. He sits and waits patiently for us to bring our battered, bruised selves back, and He receives us each time. He sanctifies us, forgives us, and then releases grace for us not to fall into the same mistakes again. Do you know the marvelous bit? Even if we fall the very next day, He’ll do the same thing for us all over again, picking up our pieces. Why? Because He is God, greater than the greatest, the most terrible and yet the most merciful. What else can He do but love us, feed us, and never leave us?

We are warned however, not to abuse that right so we don’t lose it. A little story here: so I have a seven year old nephew, and I adore him. When he was younger, say about five, he loved to come into my room without knocking on the door. He’d do it every time. And each time he barged into the room, if he noticed the frown on my face (cos sometimes I’d be frowning and the little one wouldn’t even notice), he’d apologize, go outside and knock before coming in again. Guess what? Give him 15 minutes, and if he had to come to me for anything, this scene would repeat itself.

One particular day I was on the phone and the little prince bounced into the room. I gave him ‘the look’ so he smiled, left, and knocked before coming in. I hugged him and then asked him to go bring his homework. Of course he forgot to knock. He apologized, and we started on work. When he went to get his eraser, he forgot, and tumbled in again. By the time he forgot the 300th time I told him not to bother apologizing.

When I started writing this post I remembered that day and how at some point I snapped. What if God snapped and literally told us to stop with the apologies and cries for forgiveness? What would you do? Are you thanking God that he’s not us?

Do you think of that when someone offends you and you think you’ll never forgive? Or you’ll forgive but you’ll never forget? I doubt we’re thinking of God and how He forgives us when we’re seething with anger, sobbing in disappointment or shaking our heads in pain. At that point all we’re thinking about is how to exact immediate revenge, or plan towards it (since it is a dish best served cold)….

Unforgiveness is like picking at a sore you have every morning; it won’t heal, and you won’t feel better. When you bump into the person your heart starts doing cartwheels because you have ‘ought’ in your heart for them. So unhealthy!

Let’s take a minute, and tell ourselves, ” I forgive….. (put in their names) who offended me. I realize that harboring unforgiveness in my heart is harmful to my health (physically and mentally), and I value my well-being more than this altercation. Whether or not I will give them another chance will be purely based on if I think they will hurt me again and not because I am upset with them. I love my life, and I will be happy. So help me God.

Did we mean what we just said? Are we confident that we’ve forgiven them? Well done!!

Hugs!

Related articles

• Forgiveness, maybe… (mandibelle16.wordpress.com)
• Trusting God, Forgiving Others (stephenlbaxter.wordpress.com)
• Thankful Heart: Day 20 – Forgiveness (ourcrowdedheart.wordpress.com)
• From forgivness to healing … What are you choosing? (possesshispromises.com)
• Forgiveness -part 2 (how to Forgive) (coyfeetalksitup.wordpress.com)
• One Of Us! (godssceneryandpromises.wordpress.com)