Sunday the 30th of November (exactly two weeks ago) was supposed to be my day of rest. Long story (which is found in the Chronicle from Ibadan) but let’s move on swiftly to today.
Just as we entered Lagos, we stopped at a traffic light and two young boys (on closer inspection I found out they were girls) came to clean the windscreen with this apparatus that looks like a cross between a selfie-stick and a mop.
Without stroking any feminist embers (I hope), I wondered when young girls (or any females for that matter) had started this business, and my friend and I traced the trajectory of female existence on the streets and the possible unpleasant scenarios those kids were looking at. We asked ourselves (rhetoric of course) about their parents, and it reminded me of some tweets I’d seen the night before. A young Nigerian lady, internationally acclaimed designer had talked about not wanting to have kids because she was going to adopt. She said (and after seeing those girls I am even firmer in agreement) that there were not enough parents in the world for the children around; “why bring more in”, she asked.
The only problem though, was what people said each time she said that – what society thought of and interpreted her decision as. Think on it. What would people (fit in anyone here – friends, family, peers/colleagues – say if you took that decision)?
Photo credit: Events by Bani! This photo was in the thank you email they sent us! Love it!
The society. People. Who defines right or wrong? Flip that a bit – who defines beauty, sets the standards for it? Who determines what is acceptable and what is weird? And how do these standards affect who we are (or try to be) and the things we do?
This was pretty much the thrust of the girl talk session organized by Glory Edozien and Wana Udobang, hopefully, first in a series. Below are a few things I took from what turned out to be a no-holds barred, straight up evening. I’m writing this way so I don’t make mistakes with attribution, and also to keep privacy. Yeah? Here goes.
- There is real pressure on all women to look, smell, and carry ourselves in a certain way.
- Everyone, I repeat EVERYONE has that one bit of their bodies/life that they don’t regard as perfect. From the skinny to the slender, the curvy to the chubby. Everyone.
- Our society has placed such a premium on appearances to the detriment of mental capacity so bad that ‘pretty girls’ are unconsciously expected to be unintelligent. Ever heard, “I didn’t know you were this intelligent?” There you go!
- Children today pay a lot more attention to their appearance (especially the females) and have a greater say/hand in what they end up wearing than we did in our time.
- There is intense pressure for children in schools to be ‘seen’ and ’accepted’ as beautiful. That has led to insane (in my opinion) behaviors like dieting, experimentation with makeup, etc. amongst much younger children.
- Parents must (of a necessity) affirm their children; let them know they are beautiful and are expected to be knowledgeable as well. In other words, it is acceptable to be both.
- You are what you think/tell yourself you are. You will fall apart (literally) if you allow yourself be blown around by every wind of doctrine, especially as fashion/looks/our bodies are concerned.
- Is your young child suddenly acting/wanting to look different? Before you rake/shout/bring the house down/spank them to infinity and beyond, ask what the reason for the change is.
- It’s ok to want to have natural/permed/textured hair. Don’t allow yourself to get pressured into doing anything because it is popular at the moment.
- Some people by genetics and no fault/action (or not) of theirs will be skinny. Others will be chubby. Some bits you can change
Bottom line? Do you. Be you. More importantly, be happy. Life is too short to be anything else. Funnily, in 2012 I wrote something revolving totally around beauty, perception, and being happy.
I thoroughly enjoyed my time there, there’s nothing like babes being honest with themselves, sharing real issues, and not putting up this facade that ends up giving people false hope and misleading them. And I met Uche! (@cherox) Nice to meet you babes! Finally!
It was even nicer to finally meet Wana Udobang (@Misswanawana) in person! I think she’s gorgeous, in a class of her own, super talented, special, I could go on and on! Did I mention down to earth, and talented? Gosh…
And I met Glory Edozien (@MisGloryEdozien), who says she’s read/she reads my blog!! What are you saying!! Am I blessed or what! I was super pleased, grateful, and just chuffed to be in the presence of effortless brilliance.
Took some selfies afterwards with my main chic, @ZanyFran (wrote this for her birthday).
Selfie this, selfie that!
Thank God for the person who finally took a photo we liked!
After we’d all gisted a bit, we headed to Bogobiri for a night of performances from people like Titilope Sonuga (from Gidi Up), Efe Azino, Femi, Wana (whoop), and a few others.
Truly incredible evening!!
Fairy Godsister's Blog 