Learning… every window of opportunity (And my new crush)!

Hey you!

Hope you had a good week… Mine was great. Could have been better, maybe I would have done some things differently, but I have no regrets. I went to Lagos for a meeting and got back into Abuja the next day, and as always I’m grateful for traveling mercies. Very grateful.

Beyond sharing ideas and knowledge for a company I sit on the board of at the meeting, it was a time of great learning and reflection, and that’s what this post is about.

Where do you learn? Are you one of those professional, it must be in a class/board room setting, with set objectives and goals type of people? And that’s fine, we’re all wired differently. Or, are you one of those ‘we see life lessons in the sun, moon and stars’ kind of people who pick tips and tricks from everything?

I think I’m becoming more of the latter, while fully retaining the former part of me that does very well with formal learning situations. I have a friend, Adebola Williams, Co-Founder of Red Media Africa who makes me feel like I should have a Moleskine and a pen whenever I’m around him. It’s in the little things he does; the way he greets people, how he manages to make people (even strangers) feel noticed and special, the natural thought about optics and how things will be perceived or not, how he thinks so quickly about everything before it’s done, I could go on and on and on.

I have another friend, Francesca, who believes there’s a lesson in everything, and therefore will never let me give in to dreary situations, who always looks for the silver lining even in pitch darkness, who has a positive outlook on life that will put motivational speakers to shame. And so from her I learn to put my melancholic bits under control.

Errr, it’s just occurred to me that mentioning some and not mentioning others might start a fight (lol) so let’s generalize for the rest of this please.

There are a number of them of who send me things to read because they know these pieces will be useful to me, who push me with questions like “what new thing have you learned today, what book have you read, what’s new with you (that has nothing to do with boys or fashion, lol), etc.”  There are some who will tease me endlessly when I mispronounce a word, one who has tapped my head even (sigh), but who push me to continuously ‘upgrade’ my knowledge.

Do you have those kinds of people? Don’t have to do exactly what my friends do (like hit my head) but I think everyone should have someone (or some people) who are ‘devoted’ to their improvement, and we should be that for others too. Only fair abi?

Now, to my crush. Whoosh! I’m so in love! It’s the twinkle in their eye as they talk about rising from adversity and uncertainty to becoming (Francesca’s favorite word and I know she’s going to have my head on a platter for this, lol). It’s the calculated defiance, the refusal to be boxed in, hindered by limitations that were hitherto acceptable by everyone else. It’s their being able to stand in the face of grief and loss, and still be so awesome my heart is leaping within my chest just because I’m typing about them.

My new crush is Dame Stephanie Shirley. She’s only got space for one ‘crusher’, my honorable self so please, move back! The Telegraph said of her “If there is a constant thread running through the life of Dame Stephanie Shirley it is the refusal to let difficulty and disaster stand in her way”.

Such an inspiration! Big thank you to Tolu for sending the link to her TedTalk to me. I am a good person so I’m sharing it with you. I took out two things (actually I took out a lot of things but here are two I tweeted).

And these below, are her keys to success. She says there are only two.

She’s incredible. She has so far given away over £100million to both the development of technology (including being the Founding Donor to the Oxford Internet Institute) and especially to research around autism and management of people who are autistic. Why she gives away that much? She said, “The fact that I almost died in the Holocaust means that I’m motivated to make sure that each day is worth living, that my life was worth saving. I do it because of my personal history; I need to justify the fact that my life was saved.”

I have now found a much longer video which I will watch as soon as I can get some free time from my nephew, which is an hour-long speech she made at Gresham College which traces her life growing up, coming to the United Kingdom via Kindertransport, her career and breaking several glass ceilings, her son and his autism, etc. It’s like her biography, only in the flesh. Excited, and I haven’t even watched it yet!

I’m off now, have tons of work to get through this morning.

Have a brilliant Saturday (and weekend), and never stop learning.

#31Days31Writers: Ejike says “Compare with where you’re coming from, not with anyone”

I’ve got family on the blog today! Whoop!!

Ejike is one of my older cousins, married to a really lovely lady, and they have two children with the best names (he didn’t share so I won’t… we don’t want you people to copy our names biko)!

His father is one of my favorite uncles and is super close to my dad, and I have very fond memories of hanging out at their house in the village when we were much younger. Not just my siblings and I, all the cousins! I remember bathing behind a massive metal tank in their compound (don’t judge, we were kids) with my female cousins, and all of us trooping out on Christmas Day to visit extended family to ‘tax them’, eat, play, and then move on. Most times we’d end up back at their house for dinner (which we would funnily end up eating outside, gisting as loudly as children can be), bathing (girls first, then the boys), then trooping to another uncle’s (or not) to sleep.

Memories I hope we can recreate with our own children. Dunno how yet, but I know it’s possible, even if it’s summer holidays or something like that. 

Maybe one of the next time I run the series I will feature only Agwuegbo’s, maybe call it ‘One day one Agwuegbo’, or An Agwuegbo a day’, I don’t know but I’m loving the idea already! And there’s enough of us to really pull this off!

Here’s my cousin Ejike everyone!

I’m Ejike Agwuegbo, Ibo descent, raised in Lagos. I’m married to an amazing wife and have 2 lovely children as part of the marriage benefits. I am a Fish Farmer by profession.

As the year 2015 winds down, one philosophy that keeps me going is “No man should measure his success by comparing with another man but by comparison with where he’s coming from”.

I am grateful for my immediate and extended family. The year has brought unimaginable joy into my home. In October we welcomed our son into world without complications. My 3 years old daughter is excelling in her studies. My amazing wife who has been my rock in all circumstances waxed stronger all through the year churning out different business ideas. Most importantly, we didn’t spend our resources in the hospital. Those who know me will testify that I’ve got the best siblings in the world and they made 2015 rock.

Having left the banking industry after 6 years of service to set up my Fish Farm in 2014, I must say the journey hasn’t been easy (as is the case with most start-ups) but in 2015 we achieved some expansion, modified our processes and have recorded greater returns.

I’m grateful for my close circle of friends who I wouldn’t trade for anything in this world. While the world is on a melt down, there’s virtually no month that goes by without something to celebrate.

Things I wish to undo;

Reneging on my vow to draw closer to God and His Word. Sunday sermons are just not enough.

As 2016 draws closer, I ask for the grace to help more people in need than I did this year and believe that more business ideas will be actualized.

Thank you Chioma for this opportunity to express myself.

 

Big bro!

Whoop! You’re welcome AGK, thank you for honoring my blog! Here’s to bigger successes in 2016 and many more reasons to celebrate!

PS: I have to come eat fish at yours soonest!

#31Days31Writers: Chukwuka’s experiencing what it means to live by faith!

So how do I know Chukwuka?

I saw a comment he left on one of the entries for this #31Days31Writers series and it just occurred to me to ask if he would be interested in sending in an entry. And he said yes! And reading this, I know it was God that wanted him to share his story to encourage everyone who would read, including me.

The year’s been a bit dodgy for some, ups and downs, and lefts and rights. Only constant thing is the One who made us, fashioned the earth, and is already in 2016 waiting to show us His greatness! I’m so encouraged by this!

I’m experiencing what it is to live by faith. When I heard Micah Stampley do the song ‘Heaven On Earth”, I never understood what he meant until I began to meditate upon those lyrics that “to be living in His favour and grace is just like heaven on earth”.  I usually don’t like speaking about what I’ve gone through in the past, rather I choose to sit in my quiet times and allow those tranquil thoughts go off my subconscious mind. 2015 has been a year of tests, trials and lessons for me.

2015 January started for me with fresh memories of my Mom’s burial ceremony in December 2014, I couldn’t think straight because there is nothing more painful than the loss of a mother. Later on when I thought all was going well, I lost my job.

At the time, it seemed like an orchestrated process by the devil to pull me back to square one as if a volcano had just erupted over me. I started getting addicted to alcohol gradually to suppress my deep hurt but I found no hope. Sometimes ladies think they are the only ones engulfed in the race of keeping pace with the realities of life. We guys do too! When our friend proposes to his bae, we smile and clink glasses but deep inside you feel like you aren’t measuring up! Yeah? When half of your friends suddenly hibernate only to appear on Instagram on the streets of Denmark, there is a feeling in you that makes you want to fly away too! It looks like some things have eluded you each time you compare yourself to people, and that was my case.

I was heartbroken; looked like the whole world had moved ahead of me, like really? I got rejuvenated after reading 1 Corinthians 15:41. I focused on developing myself, praying daily and leaning on God. It was during those periods of being out of a job that I got introduced to the Winners Family and joined in the daily 5.30am prayer sessions. Thereafter, I was introduced to what is known as “Kingdom Advancement Prayers”. These prayers ushered in a new dawn for my life in all areas. Where I saw lack I began to see abundance, where I had rejection, I began to see love, where I saw hopelessness, I saw light and things began to take shape.

My major lesson is this: I’ve learnt that friends are angels in human form; they exist in our lives to help us build a family away from ‘family’. God be praised for friends.

I’ve come to terms with investing in my relationships with people, my friends and even neighbours. I count myself lucky to have been blessed with godly, disciplined and purpose-driven friends.

I’ve learnt never to compare myself with anyone.

If there be anything I wish I could unmake or change, it will be that I will learn to take actions quickly.

Truly Heaven on earth has been my experience all through this year; I have no regrets rather I see my mistakes as a refining fire to bring out a better version of me. I might not be yet married, I might not have the type of cars my friends are driving but I am contented with the gift of life God has blessed me with – a passion for teaching.

I have channeled this gift into practical use for three years now volunteering with Beyond The Classroom Foundation. I am involved in a project initiated by Microsoft Nigeria –One Million Fingers Coding” where I teach the basics of coding to students in primary 4. My biggest dream in 2016 is to see these children come up with ideas about what their future careers will be and?

My next desire in 2016 is to be seriously engaged in advancing the Kingdom of God on earth, for that is the key to all of life’s breakthroughs.

My name is Chukwuka Anslem Ozor, I work and reside in Lagos, I like teaching. I work as Content Deployment Executive at Imaginarium Creative.

Amazing work!

First off, my condolences on your mom… Here’s praying God’s great comfort on your entire family. Second, a very big yay! Very well done Chukwuka, my dad’s semi namesake (My dad’s Chuka, no full-form)… Here’s to a brilliant 2016 for you!!

PS: Have you heard of TechHer? I think we should do some work together next year when TechHer goes to Lagos….

#31Days31Writers: @TheLoulette learned “No one will look after me better than me”

I remember the first time I met Timehin – ok maybe I don’t really remember because I’m not sure if it was this year or last year – but it was after one of Glory Edozien’s events. Glory has a dialogue series where women come together to talk about issues from finance to beauty to self-esteem, was such a joy to attend that one on beauty. Anyway so a few of us chatted for a bit when it was over, Wana Udobang, Francesca Uriri, Glory, Timehin, and I, and we went from reflecting on life in secondary school, to the pressures of being a woman today (size, marriage, accomplishments, etc.) and it was so much fun!

On the drive home (I remember we had such a laugh even though Fran kept ‘threatening me all over the place’) and Timehin said we were crazy. Good crazy of course (adjusts halo). I saw a tweet from her later, something about looking for friends in Lagos (took me a while to place it was the same person) and so I sent a DM and we’ve been ‘cool’ ever since!

Timehin is a brilliant writer. Full stop. Even though I don’t agree with her stand on some things sometimes (which is alright because we’re not Siamese twins), the brilliance with which she expresses her thoughts is not up for discussion. She’s very frank in this entry, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

I don’t know if I’ve ever written one of these year-in-review things, or ever had any desire to. Time as we understand it, broken up into well-defined blocks, only gives me anxiety. The urge to compare myself to others, to look back at the vast expanses of ‘waste’ where I didn’t do things to advance me on whatever course I’ve chosen (or been thrust into), the desperate attempts to do better ‘next year’… Anxiety.

2015 was a strange year for me. I haven’t been an adult very long — I’m 24 — and 2012-14 were so full of almost back-to-back upheavals that the relative stability of this year felt unreal. I coasted into a new job and a new flat. My daughter started school. My boyfriend and I celebrated two years together. I employed live-in help. I was living like a ‘real’ adult, and the entire time I felt like an impostor in my own life; like I wasn’t doing enough, like I had been set so far back in previous years that I’d never ‘catch up’, like I was still a lost little girl hoping to be taken in hand by a kind person who knew the way. I worried all the time, and my mental and emotional health suffered.

I spent a lot of days in a black hole, and on one of them, it occurred to me that I must figure out a way to take things one day at a time. Weeks of waking up crushed by the weight of something that felt too much like failure forced me to go easier on myself. I learned that I don’t have a handle on things, and that’s okay. I’m winging it, groping in the dark for what feels right, hoping for the best. I’m grateful for the chance to be somewhat kind to myself.

I forget too often that nothing is permanent, and very little is as disastrous as I think it will be, and most importantly, that time does nothing but pass. I worry too much. I regret spending energy and time being afraid, instead of just taking the steps I knew I needed to take. I regret kicking myself when I was down, allowing other people’s misunderstanding of my inability to put one foot in front of the other to define me. I wish I had sat with my sadness more, instead of escaping it as quickly and for as long as I could. I apologise to myself.

I didn’t happen on any big answers this year. I eased into discoveries; that I have depression, that I’m actually quite funny, that no one will look after me better than me, that I am responsible for defining the boundaries of my life. I learned to let my daughter climb in bed with me and talk about all sorts first thing in the morning, even when I’m working, because she won’t be three forever. I learned I deserve to be looked at with awe and love; that the person in her eyes is indeed me, and I am as wonderful as she thinks me. I learned that it is okay to ask to be loved the way I know I need to, and it is okay to refuse anything less. In this moment, I am closer to my centre than ever before, and the feeling that I am getting to know my own self, and to love her wholly, is more wonderful than anything else. It is wonderful enough that I am perfectly content to give the process as much time as it needs.

My name is Timehin, I’m a Nigerian living in Lagos, and I’m a writer.

Gorgeous girl! Of course you’re a writer! Here’s to greater progress on your journey in 2016, and happier, less unpleasant days! Mwah!

#31Days31Writers: @denikeoyetunde starts the series with being grateful like never before!

Welcome to the #31Days31Writers Series!! I’m so excited it’s here, and grateful that two years after the first one, we’re back here again!

2015 has been an incredible year full of stories, near misses, mistakes, joys, etc. But, I’m excited we’re winding down, and looking forward to a most inspirational 31 days with all our writers sharing their lives and experiences with us!

We start with the gorgeous Adenike, who I met in Lagos in October in the company of a very good friend of mine, Francesca. My spirit loved her as soon as we met, and she strikes me as someone who loves God passionately, but won’t shove Him down anyone’s throat because she’s such a joy you want to know what’s she’s high on all the time! I can’t wait to meet her again, and very soon!

I messaged her about the series, and her post is below. She kicks off our first day of the series with, “

Adenike Oyetunde is my name, a Nigerian, resident in Lagos State, Nigeria. I am a media personality, specifically with Radio now.

Reaching out to complete strangers in 2015, will always be a part of my story, and one I shall be continually be grateful for. Such an exhilarating experience, taking up the causes of people who had no hope; and ensuring their immediate needs were met. The excitement in the renewed belief of the united spirit in Nigeria is just unexplainable! Imagine that a little, three-year old friend of mine needed at least N1,500,000 to undergo a medical procedure, and we put the word out. In no time, Nigerians flung into action. I remember vividly, his mum calling and weeping, because she in her words, “had never had people rally round her, being an only child herself.”

My year started out with one of my friends buying me a ticket to go on vacation; I sure knew it was going to be a beautiful, expense paid year indeed *wink* (who no like awoof)!

Very recently, someone sent a picture to me with “family isn’t only blood, but those who stood by you in your trying moments.” It struck a chord in my heart, particularly because there are many more qualified, and better equipped (in all ramifications) persons; but I made myself available to be used in helping these people. Family.

I will forever remain grateful for the realization that because I lived through 2015, families had a cause to be joyous. I grew up with just my immediate family (no siblings, just mum, dad and myself), and didn’t understand it whenever people spoke of having ‘random strangers stand by them, closer than family’. 2015 re-emphasised that.

In this year, like never before, I have understood and re-learnt what ‘live your life purposefully’, means. Losing three people to cancer , with three others still fighting on, you would agree with me, ‘no  be beans’. I also learnt to get things done as soon as they pop in my head. The last person I lost had promised to call me back, that clearly never happened.

Yes, some say regrets; others say things they would love to undo; I think the closest experience in this regard would have to be with matters of the heart. For whatever it’s worth, I strongly believe, if for any reason I didn’t learn anything, I learnt to ‘guard my heart oh’!

The roller coaster, emotional quagmire in 2015 *phew, thank goodness, I made it*, the tough decision of not settling to being second fiddle, re-affirming my worth and then standing my ground?

Finally, in 2015, I have learnt to be grateful for each day like never before. Of what use is the money, car, house, etc. when I am dead and gone?

Cheers.

Adenike.

She’s gorgeous, and always smiling! Such a glorious lady!

Ha ha! There you have it! Can I say Adenike, that when I read this post and I saw ‘Cheers’ at the end, I felt like it was one of those ‘drops mic’ scenarios? Love it, and thank you for writing in! Mwah!

Everyone, come back tomorrow for day two!

Cardiff, John Legend, all about Tokes’ Birthday!

It’s my friend Tokes’ birthday today, and I thought I’d wish her a happy birthday by reminding her of the incredible time we had for her birthday last year! Ready? Not before you say a birthday wish and prayer for her… Done? Story story!

So, I spent most of September 2014 in England, and the original plan was to come to Nigeria on the 6^th of October to follow through on existing and new projects. Two weeks to the day, plans changed, thanks to people who not only have my ‘mumu button’ but know when and how to deploy it!

Anyway, my plans changed from leaving on the 6^th to the 11^th of October because the 9^th was Tokes birthday, and she wanted to spend it in Cardiff!

Who is this ‘keeper of my mumu button’? I met Tokes early in December 2013; we were on the same team planning Nigeria Dialogue’s fundraiser for January 19^th 2014. Somehow God brought us together and after a meal at Busaba Ethai with Fumbi were we discussed everything from careers, food, to boys, Tokes and I have become literally inseparable. I couldn’t be more grateful for this gorgeous, beautiful-spirited young woman; she’s a real sister!

She’s also CEO of Bubble Tii in Nigeria! They’re on Instagram as BubbleTii, website is www.bubbletii.com and you can find them on 34 Adeola Odeku beside Spice route VI. Call 09093840201 to get your deliveries anywhere in Lagos!

Anyway, before her head swells to uncontrollable proportions, let’s move swiftly on to the birthday do!

So, itinerary for the 9^th of October included going to see John Legend play (whoop), and I remember that night we were battling with ticketmaster.co.uk to secure our seats. Hilarity!

Before we knew it, it was the 9^th. Whoop!!

Actually, the birthday fun started the day before; I’d booked a spa date for us at Crystal Palace, somewhere near Marylebone station (oshey GroupOn). It was so much fun!!

Anyway on the 9^th Tokes had to drop her mom off at the airport, I had errands to run, etc. Of course we missed our trains, but here’s a photo of the birthday girl while we were waiting for the bus!

Birthday lunch on the train? Hello Burger King! Anyway, a couple hours after (Cardiff is far jor), we got in, and here’s a very big thank you to the man we chatted to on the train who pointed us in the direction of our hotel!

A couple selfies just to welcome ourselves to our lodgings – the 15^th floor at Radisson Blu – and it was time to explore the city! And shop, smh. We decided however to start with Cardiff Castle and Museum and oh, what a beauty!

The ceilings were everything!

Now, we got to the there about 4pm. The museum was to close at 5pm, the House at 5.30pm, and we could traipse the grounds till 6pm. So, off to the museum we went! We were all shades of silly inside there!

Salute!

If I had a gun…tra la la la la…

Defeat the army Tokes, we’re counting on you!

In solidarity with this nurse. Or the Red Cross. Or…

Then we went in the house, given as a gift to the people of Cardiff. So, while indigenes of the area are allowed in for free, people like us parted with £15 apiece to get in.

But it was lovely. Having a walk through the building, looking at the beautiful ceilings, the furnishing, how the Arabian room was strong with beautiful Arabian scents, it was all really beautiful! And we had the loveliest guide to talk us through everything, give us a bit of history, etc.

Sigh… We’re supposed to be grown women o!

But it was a lot of fun!

This guy was the son of the man who gifted this castle to the people of Wales. So we decided to ‘marry’ him!

Then, it was off to the castle! According to our electronic guide, there were 130 steps to get to the top, and we were determined to climb them all. And we did!

 

Climb every mountain…

 

We went from singing ‘wiggle wiggle wiggle’ on the way up to begging God to guide us safely down when it started drizzling because the steps were so steep!

Imaginary friend: Who’s that hot girl? Can I get her number?
Me: From up here? Hian!

We made it!!! 130 steps!!

Got down without incident (thank you Jesus) and after a quick dinner at Carlucci’s (everywhere was pretty swamped), we ran home to shower and change for John Legend’s concert! Whoop! The man himself!

I just love sea bass… #Foodie Don’t think I’ve ever eaten this quickly ever!

But first, a selfie, in the elevator!

This is the ‘best’ photo I can share o!!! The rest? For our private collection!

Fortunately, Motor Point Arena, where the concert was to hold, was spits from our hotel so we made good time. And our seats were pretty decent; we were only 5 rows from the stage! Yaaaasss!!

Whoop!!

Number after number John Legend serenaded the crowd – what an incredible, effortless performer! He talked us through some songs he’d been on when he was still coming up (I had no idea) and it was really nice that he acknowledged the people who helped him up on his journey.

Sometimes we stood, sometimes we sat, sometimes we screamed, other times we cried; emotion after emotion, Legend worked the crowd! I made two videos, so you can imagine you were there too!

What an incredible night!

Next day – breakfast where I overdosed on smoked salmon and salami, lol. We did a bit more shopping (sigh), and then we literally had to race for our train!

Still on a birthday high!!

Tokes can photobomb for Africa…and Europe!

Here’s the incredible part. Soon as we got back to BlackHeath I shoved my things into a cab and we started racing to the airport! I know, but there was a flight to Nigeria I couldn’t (literally) afford to miss!

Babes do you remember there were flowers waiting when we got back home?

Happy birthday sweetie, hope I told the story of this super fabulous day correctly. I’m super glad you convinced me to stay and do this trip with you. We have to do Morocco together soonest! Love you!

Barracoons, waters of forgetfulness, hello Badagry!

So I heard about this Nigerian tour group called NaijaTreks from my friend and co-member of the Wanderlust club, Yejide!Aparently they organize trips to different scenic sites in Nigeria, and there was one scheduled for the 4th of July to Badagry! How exciting!

By the way, Yejide is brain behind NaijaNomads, and if you love traveling you should totally subscribe to her site! They’re on Instagram and Twitter with the same name as well. Check em out, especially on Instagram!

Now, I’d never been to Badagry, and my dreams to conquer Kilimanjaro in June with the Truppr team were cut short by my really bum knee. Sigh #OldPeopleProblems So I said I would come along for this one, and after booking tickets to and from Lagos and paying the N8000 fee, I started packing! I’ll be honest, I think I packed the morning of the trip, and in my normal style, I dashed to the airport and was the last person to board. Would have been swell just that my knee gave me hell the entire flight!

To be honest, the weekend spent in Lagos was literally spent in traffic. I met up with ace developer and friend Samson somewhere on the Island as soon as I got in, and after we put in some good hours working and grabbing lunch, it was off to the bestie’s in Ojodu, which I didn’t get to till close to midnight. Sigh. Lagos isn’t working (argue with your inner witness biko). I can’t live here!

Next morning we set out to the rendezvous point near Marina House. Got there about 6.45am, settled in and the bus set off like 30 minutes later. Long story short, we didn’t get to Badagry before noon, simply because the roads are horrible, a living death trap, and there was construction going on without any alternative routes. Sigh.

Once we got there though, the fun began! And the picture taking started!! I’ll spend the rest of this in photos if you don’t mind..

Built in 1863!! Really cooool!

Slave coast – Benin republic and Nigeria Gold Coast – Ghana Ivory Coast – Cote D’Ivoire

Out of every 10 slaves, Nigeria and Benin Republic brought 6.

My mother said her father always said, “there is the thing that the oyibo man did to Africa which was/is bad, but there is the thing which Africans did to Africa which was/is worse”

Muzzle, for human beings. Sigh.

Slave auction… For fear of mutiny, families were always separated, sent to different countries.

Announcements for auction… Negroes for sale… Sigh

All sorts of clasps, including ankle clasps, and the big padlock was for the exceptionally naughty slaves…to padlock their mouths.

Note that the horse is the first prize…ranking higher than the mulatto girl… negroes weren’t really considered as prizes back then.

Wow… Ready for a bit more?

No first or business class flights for these ones, the slaves were transported by ship, taking up the lower deck, having to sleep one on top of the other. The sick or dying/dead were simply cast overboard. #HumansToHumans

This is a really deep drinking pot, filled once a day. Slaves, bound hand and foot, would struggle to get here and drink at the same time. The edges of the pot were jagged enough to mean that sometimes they were drinking water and blood from their cut skin.

Errant slaves were punished in different ways, sometimes by setting dogs on them while bound and unable to flee/defend themselves.

No extra words needed.

By this time I’d just about had it with the history class. I decided to wander off on my own, and discovered like a lot of things in Nigeria, the management of this place is piss poor at best, shameful at worst. Dang!! Everywhere else this place would be a protected site, secure, maintained, etc. But no… it must look like rubbish. Because Nigeria. SMH.

Of course… I’m sure it’s the slaves who threw the stones that broke these windows so they’ve been left as a memorial…

No one has thought to repaint this? Or fix the piping problem that caused it?  Since 1863? Really? Really?

Just so you see I’m not just whining…

Anyway, rejoined the group and we set off for the next spot.

Cheeky monkey!!!

Of the 40 slave cells in this enclosure, 2 have been preserved by the Lagos State Government for tourism purposes, while the rest are occupied by people. 70% of them are direct descendants of Alhaji Seriki Faremi Williams Abass.

A barracoon was like a holding loft where the slaves were kept waiting for the ships to take them.

This broom is over 170 years old and was one of the items the slavers would give to the African chiefs as currency for the slaves. 40 slaves to one small gun or umbrella 10 slaves to one bottle of gin or ceramic bowl 100 slaves to one big cannon gun Na wa!!

This gin bottle dates back to the 1800’s… don’t remember what date we were told…

That’s Yejide and my royal excitedness!! Behind us are more of the items used as currency during the slave trade era…

This is where Chief SWA was buried when he died in June 1919… he had 128 wives and 144 children. His last child died in 1987…

Yup, I had to take a closer look at his (SWA’s) final resting place. Interestingly, his names are derived from his slavers (which was common at the time). He was orginally known as ‘Ifaremilekun’; he was from Ogun state.

Well, built in 1847. Incredible stuff! Did I mention that each slave cell housed 40 slaves? They would sleep standing up cos there was no room to lie down.

Ah! How could I forget this well? Evil, evil well. It wasn’t the oyibo guys who did this o! It was chiefs and local slavers to their brethren!

 

This well? Apparently it had been ‘jazzed’ (voodoo, witchcraft, whatever else you want to call it) so that the slaves who drank from it would forget their homelands and not pine for home.

It was said that from this ‘point of no return’, slaves had no hope of ever getting back home. They were either shipped off, or if unsold, were killed and used for rituals because the slavers didn’t want them returning home and telling.

And then, it was time for the beach!! Now I’d worn leggings all morning cos it was a little chilly but by now the sun had come out so we had to bring the legs out! Yes!!

I think I climbed everything possible!!

Beautiful… water is everything…

Getting ready to push off…

Once we got to the beach, I had to do this!! Right before a giant wave washed it away!! SMH!

The beach was so much fun!! We played games, I made a video, and then guess what, I climbed a tree!!

I climbed a tree!! I know, I’m crazy… but I climbed it with a rope!! Didn’t get to the point of plucking a coconut but I was high enough, considering it was my first time ever of doing this!

I made a video even!

Oh yes, I made another video, not a very nice one though.

The beach was filthy!! Lord Jesus I haven’t seen a dirtier beach in my entire life! Nylons, animal dung, rotten food, yuck, yuck, yuck!

Selfie time!! Blessing time! This was on the way to Topo Beach… I just love water…

 

The boat driver decided to show off his skills on our ride back to shore… This is how fast we were going!

I was the official DJ on the ride back to town, thanks to my Bose travel speakers and playlist on my itouch. Turn up!! It made the long drive back a little more bearable, and thankfully the traffic wasn’t as bad.

Now, I had a truly incredible day!! Met so many lovely people, had lots of laughs, and it was a truly fantastic day!

Next morning however, I discovered someone had taken $100 out of my purse. Meaning that the trip had now cost me return tickets and local transportation, cost of entry, cost of refreshments, and an extra $100. Shame. Didn’t ruin my memories, but I will probably think twice before I join another tour.

Wumi is married!!! All about the 6th of December!

My best friend got married yesterday. Whoop! Before I tell you all I can about the wedding, maybe I should tell you a bit about her.

I met Wumi in Birmingham in late in 2010, at church (the Redeemed Christian Church of God, Covenant Restoration Assembly, Perry Barr). Someone had gotten his friend to invite me to church, and I remember the morning they came to get me with the church bus, I wasn’t sure I had heard a louder group. But service was great, I fell in love with the church, and Wumi and I started to chat.

I don’t know when I fell in love with her, but I did. Real? Check. No airs? Check. Daughter of God to the letter? Check. Kind? Check. Caring? Check! I could go on and on. Wumi knows me sometimes a bit more than I know myself, and she loves me like that. Just like that.

We’ve been through sick days, heartbroken days, days we were broke (like last to our last 10 pounds type of broke), happy days, excited days, plenty money type of days, we’ve been through loads of stuff together. And we’ve come out stronger. Each and every time.

Ok. Before we have a problem keeping her head in check (with all my praising), on Friday my sister, nephew and I were supposed to fly into Lagos (I’d left Lagos on Wednesday), and then Momma was supposed to come in as well (see how special Wumi is to all of us)? Coordinated the flights so we’d land about the same time. There’s a little race of life story, one in which we forgot to take identification for Boo Boo so like halfway into the trip to the airport we had to run back to the house, and then start flying back to the airport.

Timecheck when we got to the airport gate and met the queue of our lives? 9.49am. Flight time? 10am. Let’s just say we still made the flight, and I’ll spare you the details of us pleading at the counter, racing to the plane, and then finding out that our friend at the airport had actually moved from one airline to the one we were to take! Na wa! To think we were looking for people to help us board!

Got into Lagos ok, Momma landed a bit after, and off to the hotel we went. Can I say money spent on hotels in Lagos doesn’t really go far? And I will leave it like that.

Wumi and Bimbo came a bit after, and then we really got in the ‘wedding’ mood! I had to nip off to Shoprite with our cabbie to buy some items, and Momma and the gang took a stroll. Dinner over, loads of gisting after, gifts presented, it was bedtime! Was I exhausted or what!

Saturday morning, D-Day!

Rushed a shower, and went over to the room where the photo crew, makeup artists et al were already at work. And here the photos begin!

See my girl!!! Gorgeous!!

Then we milled into our cars and headed to the venue for the engagement…

Gorgeous people!! Just gorgeous!

No he wasn’t about to kiss her, he was just ‘telling her something’…lol!! This pose was a special request from me to be honest, don’t ask me why!

Engagement over, it was time to change and head to the church. Did I mention my darling Boo Boo was ring bearer? Want to see his suit? Hotter than fire!!

Boo Boo of life and destiny!!! Dapper as!!

Thank God for Beloxxi biscuit which my nephew loves and therefore can be used to get him to stand still!

A little side view… God finished work on my nephew walai, like there’s nothing else that could have been done!

Sharing a kiss and a cuddle with Grandma! Did I mention he always mixes them up? So sometimes he calls the ‘Pa’, ‘Ma’. Lol.. Love him to pieces!

Then, it was off to the car to be sure our super bride was ok, not needing anything, that kind of super FGS type business (he he he). Beautiful, so beautiful!

I’m definitely doing cream/ivory on my day… It’s such a gorgeous color!

Ahh!! Here’s the fun bit! We’d been trying to get Boo Boo to walk with a card that said “Here comes the bride”. Well, on the day it didn’t quite work. Want to know what worked? This photo of him and the little bride – cute as anything!

Two year old and one year old – something says we should stay in touch with the mom as per bride for my boy! What do you think? Baby girl had the cutest smile!

I managed to get a selfie with my boy inside the church – don’t even wrinkle your noses biko, anything to keep him awake, he was exhausted!

See his face…my boy! Ignore the sweat on mine biko…

All the formalities done, it was time to head back to the events center for the reception! But first, a few photos!

Mom and the brand new couple!

The couple and the sisters!!! My nephew was two minutes from asleep at this point!

Then it was off to the reception, where I said a few words about the cake and the couple (couple I know, cake I didn’t bake), and the food was really yummy! Tokes came too (yay), and it was really nice to see her!

Then we danced! Wow! Turn up.com! At some point my people had to leave to catch flights back home and as soon as they were safely at the airport (Lagos traffic, sigh), I could relax. I think the number of squats I did yesterday (to pick money) has covered up for all the exercise I haven’t done in weeks!!

It was a really gorgeous day, and I’m so pleased that despite a few hitches that reared up during all the planning. we had a full, fun day. They’re married, God’s name was glorified in everything, and I’m looking forward to being a godmother to their munchkin (guys – take the hint and get to work already biko)!

Wumi and KP, I love you two to the moon and back, and I know your marriage is blessed, is fruitful, and will become an example for marriages everywhere. Success, peace, love, joy, togetherness, great intimacy, patience, I wish you both these and many more. Welcome to the best years of your lives!

Kisses,

Me!

There’s something about Lagos (Let the real voltrons stand up)

I’ve had a fabulous time in Lagos! Constant electricity, excellently paved roads, the works, Lagos is everything! Whoop, can’t wait to be back!

I can imagine you’re smiling at that.

Here’s what I really wanted to say – Lagos is not working. Lagos is not working. Lagos is NOT working.

Here’s why – on one of the days of this three-day trip, I went from Surulere to Ikeja, Oshodi to Lekki Phase 1, Victoria Island, and then back to Surulere. Bad roads. Scratch that, horrible roads. Even the so-called posh areas had horrible roads.

In August I went to Ikotun, somewhere after Lekki for film production. Slum. Capital slum. Matter of fact that area was chosen because the production was set in a slum. So I have one question, are these parts of the Lagos included in the “Lagos is working” bit?

Eight times out of ten I spend nights in Apapa when I’m in Lagos. Trailers that are yonks away from roadworthiness + horrible, potholed roads make the drive home excruciating each night. God help us if something (or someone) breaks down…

I have been at my bestie’s in Ojota at least twice this year, and the road to hers is paved with potholes as well.

Pray tell, which Lagos is working? Or is there another Lagos a few people (obviously excluding me) are privy to?

To be clear, this is more about questioning that absolute statement that is “Lagos is working”, than pointing fingers at what in my opinion (feel free to form yours in your mind or in the comments) is mediocrity at worst, and an inability to keep up the pace/deal with the issues at best.

It is about being able to query the rate/pace of development in a part of Nigeria, whether I am from that place or not, whether I am resident there or not. It is being able to do this without the discussion being reduced to “Lagos is better than all the other states in Nigeria”, “Lagos is overpopulated, or even worse, “the governor met the state in a really bad shape, you should have seen it before”. Excuses. Yuck.

So the indices for growth and development revolve around those? Really?

Are we happy to accept/grovel for crumbs when we can demand full, satisfying meals? Have we been so deprived that anything goes?

Again, to put this all in perspective, Lagos is touted as the only state in Nigeria that actually works, throw in Akwa Ibom and Anambra (we will question this gist about the current government buying 100 horses for 85 million naira later), and so I see no reason why we can’t hold it to higher standards. Let’s forget the fact that we are chopped and screwed that only 3 out of 36 states seem to have a handle on governance…let’s just forget that for now.

The entire discussion amused and saddened me to be honest – the responses I got, the arguments people put forward, and the fact that unfortunately we still haven’t come to a place where we can debate issues without either resorting to name-calling or making it about personalities.

My thinking? We can debate issues from here till doomsday – talk about overpopulation, Lagos being how many meters/years/continents/local governments below sea level, the current governors’ predecessors leaving a lot of work (and no money) for him, on and on and on. Let’s knock ourselves out with that if we must.

Why a government will abandon simpler, closer-to-the-people initiatives like sorting drainages within the town and its satellite towns and instead focus on sand filling a portion of the state that will be inaccessible to over 90% of the indigenes/residents is beyond me but let’s just leave that there. Please don’t query this particular sentence if you don’t own property around the area – you’re with me in the 90%.

While we’re at it though, let’s allow the still small voice within us that’s saying that the sooner we move away from the half-bread is better than none mentality and demand governance from the people we’ve elected to serve/lead us, the sooner we will glimpse the change we all talk about but do absolutely nothing else about.

I’ll say it one more time sha (cos this is my blog), Lagos is not working.

These LITTLE foxes – SOMETHING about THE right TOOLS For THE Job

Ok, I’m writing this aboard a Discovery Air flight to Abuja, spent the last few days in Lagos.

As we were taxiing (and I was trying to drown out the voice of the air hostess), I looked out the window and saw one of the ground controllers – the guys with jumbo-sized, orange headphones and neon-colored batons signaling to a plane in the rain, and the rain was really pouring down.

This is what I meant… Photo Credit – gettyimages.com

Made me angry, like really angry.

Why didn’t he have a raincoat on? Is it that his employers don’t know that it rains, or they just don’t care? If this is about saving money, does that compare to the man-hours that will be lost when this guy falls ill/catches his death? How much does a raincoat cost?

So annoying!

Same way I’ve never been impressed with Policemen or traffic wardens doing their duties under the rain. Does it speak to the dedication of the officers? Yes. But, it also speaks to their inability to demand responsibility from leaders/bosses who are clearly irresponsible.

Who sends their child to school without books and a pen/pencil? Who heads to the farm without a hoe, cutlass, etc.? Why do we set our people up to fail?

I’m really ticked off about it because the ‘I-don’t-care’ attitude we show in little things always manifests in the big things, and by that time, too much has been destroyed/affected. As my friend Chude said to one of his staff recently, ‘these little inefficiencies add up and total huge losses’. I totally agree!

How many times in the last few months have we heard that our soldiers stationed especially in the North East are ill-equipped? How can our military that have successfully quelled unrests in other nations suddenly be out-gunned/out-weaponed by insurgents? What with the billions of naira allocated to them each year? How?

Think of it, one person in charge would probably have wiggled out of purchasing weapons over the years because there was relative peace, maybe even ‘redirected’ monies meant for training the officers. So now, they’re falling short.

That’s why you meet some police officers, and it seems like the only skill they have is gauging hoe much you’ve got in your bag so they can beg/greet/cajole it off you.

Ladies and gentlemen, little foxes will always spoil the vine. Always.

 

PS – Dear Lagosians, I don’t know what y’all mean when you crow ‘Fashola/Lagos is working’. How can I need a canoe to move around just because it’s rained? SMH

 

Written on the 25^th of July.