Bromsgrove, Mother Nature, and that thing called fear!

So I’m in Bromsgrove, Birmingham for the weekend; it’s the 3^rd installment of the Women and Leadership residency programme for us 14 African women resident in various parts of the United Kingdom.

Yeah? First off, it was great to meet up with everyone last night, see all the ladies again, catch up on what we’ve all been up to since the last time we saw each other in May, and all of that! The weekends away are an absolute blessing, a time to reflect/take care of myself, build my leadership and community interaction skills, and enjoy fabulously prepared food!

The Center is set on a sprawling estate – loads of green, peace and quiet, and because the farmers and butchers are local, all the food we’re served is fresh, organic, authentic, and so full of flavor!

So, first night we had baby potatoes and chicken wrapped in bacon and cheese. Incredible. I brought my own veg (anyone say team #FitFam), and I truly enjoyed the meal. Dessert however was toffee cake in a lovely toffee pudding (did you see my weight loss plans jump out of the window)?

Dinner over, we did an interesting exercise which was to randomly list things that influence our values on a flipchart (so things like society, environment, other people, education, religion, etc.), and then we did drawings depicting our life’s journeys and talking through them in groups. Very nice to do that, basically plot our life’s graphs and explore how different things that happened to/for/around us have shaped who we are and how we do certain things.

After all of that happened, I retired to my room to try to connect to the WIFI in the place. And then Amanda came over, and it was really nice to have a ‘catch up’ type conversation, a little more in-depth than what happened in the group. We were up till 1.20am (yes I checked) and then I went to sleep.

I woke up laughing about 5am because of some hilarious dream I was having (involving PSquare), and heavy as my eyes were, soon as my phone beeped to tell me I’d connected to the internet, I knew I wasn’t going back to sleep. We are currently expecting the same miracle for my computer.

Decided to go for a run about 7am and I was reminded that I’m such a wuss! Walked for like 7minutes, and then it dawned on me that no one knew I’d left the building. Remember the entire gist about green and farms? Here’s a look!

Beautiful, serene… I could live here forever! (Long as they give us wifi jor…)

 

And then I thought, hian! What if something/someone comes out of nowhere and grabs me? Think ‘Criminal Minds’, ‘CSI New York, Miami, Aba, Oshogbo (since it seems there’s a different CSI for every city)’, or my recent favorite, ‘Person of Interest’ (which I started watching because of something Gbenga Sesan said at a training I attended in August).

And so ladies and gentlemen, I started running, and back to the Center building! You can say what you will, laugh all you want; I’m not listening! Lol!

That’s it really. I showered, had breakfast, and joined the morning session, where I wrote this.

*Written on the 19th of September.

#31Days31Writers – The Entrepreneurs Edition

A few things told me I was ready to do an entrepreneurs edition of #31Days31Writers:

1. I’d run the entrepreneur interview series on my blog several times, and not only did the articles get great feedback, they opened new doors of opportunities for the business owners. I have however been remiss in sourcing entrepreneurs for that category on the blog and so I thought, why not get the entrepreneurs sell themselves?
2. #31Days31Writers (again on the blog) was a massive success the two times I’ve run it! Again, great feedback, the amazing stories and perspectives from the writers, and it was such a joy having fresh content every single day of the month!

And so I thought, why don’t I dedicate one edition solely to entrepreneurs? Why not celebrate the brilliant young men and women braving the odds working through unfavorable circumstances to keep their dreams visions alive? Why not offer them this platform to showcase their services, strengths, and unique edge?

Why not?

And that’s it folks, this is your space!

Criteria

Be an entrepreneur (defined by Google as “a person who sets up a business or businesses, taking on financial risks in the hope of profit”). Is this you? That’s all the criteria you need!

 

Send 500 words, covering the following

• What do you do?
• Why you stated your business/what gets you excited about it?
• What year did you start this business, and where?
• Immediate challenges you faced then and what you did to deal with them?
• Where do you see your business at the end of the year, and in five years?

That’s it! Please send in a photo with your submission – could be of your products/address/whatever you feel compliments your work; feel free to create one for this if you want. Send it to dfairygodsister(at)gmail(dot)com with your name and #31Days31Writers as the subject of the mail, and you’re in!

I’ve got 25 slots open, and the first people to send in their entries, get it!

Start sending in your entries in already!

 

These LITTLE foxes – SOMETHING about THE right TOOLS For THE Job

Ok, I’m writing this aboard a Discovery Air flight to Abuja, spent the last few days in Lagos.

As we were taxiing (and I was trying to drown out the voice of the air hostess), I looked out the window and saw one of the ground controllers – the guys with jumbo-sized, orange headphones and neon-colored batons signaling to a plane in the rain, and the rain was really pouring down.

This is what I meant… Photo Credit – gettyimages.com

Made me angry, like really angry.

Why didn’t he have a raincoat on? Is it that his employers don’t know that it rains, or they just don’t care? If this is about saving money, does that compare to the man-hours that will be lost when this guy falls ill/catches his death? How much does a raincoat cost?

So annoying!

Same way I’ve never been impressed with Policemen or traffic wardens doing their duties under the rain. Does it speak to the dedication of the officers? Yes. But, it also speaks to their inability to demand responsibility from leaders/bosses who are clearly irresponsible.

Who sends their child to school without books and a pen/pencil? Who heads to the farm without a hoe, cutlass, etc.? Why do we set our people up to fail?

I’m really ticked off about it because the ‘I-don’t-care’ attitude we show in little things always manifests in the big things, and by that time, too much has been destroyed/affected. As my friend Chude said to one of his staff recently, ‘these little inefficiencies add up and total huge losses’. I totally agree!

How many times in the last few months have we heard that our soldiers stationed especially in the North East are ill-equipped? How can our military that have successfully quelled unrests in other nations suddenly be out-gunned/out-weaponed by insurgents? What with the billions of naira allocated to them each year? How?

Think of it, one person in charge would probably have wiggled out of purchasing weapons over the years because there was relative peace, maybe even ‘redirected’ monies meant for training the officers. So now, they’re falling short.

That’s why you meet some police officers, and it seems like the only skill they have is gauging hoe much you’ve got in your bag so they can beg/greet/cajole it off you.

Ladies and gentlemen, little foxes will always spoil the vine. Always.

 

PS – Dear Lagosians, I don’t know what y’all mean when you crow ‘Fashola/Lagos is working’. How can I need a canoe to move around just because it’s rained? SMH

 

Written on the 25^th of July.

 

 

The journey to my joining the Red Cross… whoop!

I woke up one day in the earlier months of 2013 knowing I wanted to volunteer again. It’d been about two years that I volunteered with Read International and joined a bake sale at BCU (that was a lot of fun)!

And so I said I’d join the Red Cross, partly because I knew my mum’s been a member since forever, and also because I’d read (several times) of the various ways the Red Cross helps to make lives in difficult situations easier.

I guess the time wasn’t right then because a few things went south soon after (talk about the universe aligning to royally screw a person), and so I shelved the idea after I’d sent the first email asking for the procedures.

2014 rolled by, and with that, a deep desire to do things I’d never done before, get over as many fears I can get over (because I’m scared of a lot of things), and read very widely.

And then the urge to join the Red Cross came back, even stronger than before. I knew I’d go ahead with it this time, especially since I’d seen an accident recently and I felt hopeless because I couldn’t do anything to help.

And that’s how I picked up on the thread of emails from the year before, attended an interview with the lovely Hannah, and after a welcome session, guess who became the newest member of the British Red Cross, Kent and Gravesend area? Moi!

I must say, attending Monday meetings and training sessions have been a blessing. I’m grateful for the privilege to interact with the very lovely members of my team, for the space to ask the dumbest questions (and not feel silly or judged), and for the privilege to learn.

Here’s a video telling the story of the birth of Red Cross, pretty impressive to note that simple care/love/regard for the next man was at the heart of this massive body we have today, 160 years and still going strong!

A few bits and bobs about the Red Cross flags (and so far there are three). I took notes on our induction day

• The flag with the cross is just the Swiss flag inverted and is the third most recognized trademark symbol in the world, next to McDonald’s and Coca Cola.
• The Flag with the crescent is the Turkish flag inverted and was adopted because Islamic countries felt the movement was originally Christian (and it is not).
• The flag with the star was adopted in 2005 because Israel, followers of the Star of David, refused to use either of the two already existing symbols.

With a 100 million members and currently in 189 countries (of the 208 recognized by the UN), we (yes o) are the largest humanitarian organization around today. Whoop!

From identifying and catering to various appearances of trauma and injury, to building my confidence, and the satisfaction that comes from knowing I can provide First Aid (I’d mention I’m now a certified First Aider but I’m much too modest for that), I’m grateful I yielded to the nudging to get up and sign up already!

A few photos off our training nights…

Learned how to fit neck braces safely and securely…

Bumped your head? Let me wrap it up for you!

Sling day… Decent, safe, and secure enough to prevent further injury…

To be honest, there are some Monday nights I’d rather be curled up in bed, at the movies or some other fun activity (especially during the winter) but the time and money sacrificed to get to and from my meetings always leave me feeling satisfied, a little wiser than I was at the beginning of the day. Plus there’s always a hot cuppa something to take the bite off!

So, do you volunteer anywhere? Officially or unofficially? Share what it’s about in the comments section. What excites you about it?

And for the children of God reading who currently not volunteering anywhere, I’m greeting you o! Lol. I’m not judging o (God forbid) but I’d encourage you to give your time and energy to a cause you’re passionate about. It doesn’t have to be the Red Cross (wherever you are obviously), but find something you’d be happy to commit to and inconvenience yourself for every now and then. Will you? Let me know when you do!

Related articles

• Red Cross Runs in the Family
• Origin of Red Cross Emblem
• Volunteer Spotlight: Gloria MacVane, Blood Services Volunteer and Member of NNE Board of Directors
• My Summer Interning at American Red Cross
• Why I Choose to Volunteer with the American Red Cross
• The Geneva Red Cross – Celebrating 150 years of service to Geneva
• Have you been volunteering recently?

My sister’s sweater, that scripture: my family rocks!

I Skyped with my sister earlier today, and one of the first things she said to me was, “you’re wearing my sweater”. Lol! I think she gave me this sweater in 2002 or so, and even then I think Momma gave it to her. So much love, memories and family in this now shapeless cardigan, but it is one of my favorites.

It’s one of my ‘I want to remember my family’ pieces; others include my Daddy’s sweatshirt, gloves, muffler (he gave me o, I didn’t ‘take’ them). Then there’s Momma’s leggings, my aunty Pat’s wrapper, and so many bits and pieces from my sister’s wardrobe. I have my brother’s Abercrombie and Fitch cropped pants (they went from very baggy to fitted, lol), and a fleece I got from an Egypt Air flight because it smelled like my nephew!

Quick story, and you dare not laugh! 2010 I resumed for the Masters in Birmingham and in the first week I was there (and totally not liking it), I went to the library to get some work done. When I was leaving it occurred to me that my dad’s muffler I had wrapped myself with wasn’t on my neck again. I remembered when my neck felt a little too exposed as I ran into the library (it was a really windy day) and when it dawned on me that I might have lost it, I ran out of the library and defying the wind, started retracing my steps.

God had mercy on me, and I saw that someone had picked it up and placed it on a window ledge. The way I cried when I picked it eh, you’d think I had just found my missing child. Sigh. I think I even apologised to the scarf sef. (Rolling my eyes so you don’t have to roll yours 🙂

Still on my dad, he had a funny habit when we were younger. On the occasions we didn’t leave the house together and we met up in church or anywhere else, he would look at us and immediately know who was wearing something belonging to the other sibling. And he wouldn’t just know, he would say!

I can’t count how many times I heard him say, “why are you wearing your sister’s dress?” Na wa. Somehow it always made me laugh, especially since 9 times out of 10, he’d be right! Always made me laugh.

After a while though, everyone grew up, it kind of became a chore knowing who was wearing whose clothes, and after a while he stopped. I miss it o, the twinkle in his eyes whenever he said that.

Still on my dad (and clothes), when I was about 13 I read this scripture, Matthew 6:25 – “Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?” And from then on, my answer to whatever I was asked would be “I’m not giving it any thought.”

Now, Saturday nights were spent (amongst other things like Scrabble between my folks or us kids), arranging our clothes for Sunday. This particular Saturday night, I refused to bring out and iron my Sunday dress, because I was, ‘having no thought’. To be honest, I had an outfit planned (in my head) and I figured that when I brought it out the next morning, they would believe I was really ‘living the scripture’.

After asking a couple times, everyone left me (especially when I started singing the scripture). The evening and the morning, Sunday! I woke up, showered, and went to my wardrobe to pull out my planned outfit.

…

….

……

It was there o, but apparently I’d worn it somewhere quite a while before that day and not only did I have food stains on the front, something was wrong with the zip!

I cried that morning eh! Plenty cry! My folks were gracious that morning, very gracious, it’s my brother and sister who couldn’t stop laughing. SMH. I don’t remember what I ended up wearing, I think it was something Momma had been trying to get me to wear, and that morning I didn’t have a choice.

I love my family – my two big brothers, my sister, Momma and The Patriarch, and my precious, precious nephew – love you guys to the moon and back!

Mwah!

 

 

“I have learnt that homosexuality exists in 450 species” – Okechukwu is a shining star on #31days31writers today!

Where do I start from with Okechukwu? I met him once in 2008, while I was still at Aso Radio, and then we became work colleagues in 2009 when I started working with the BBC World Service Trust (now Media Action). Remember the mornings with kose and bread at Amma House? The listen back sessions? The noise and camaraderie in that our production corner, how we would drive Oga Eze crazy with our chatter? Do you remember the day you played out Beyonce’s ‘Telephone’ song for us in the office? I have never heard that song since then without thinking of you!

Okechukwu is a shining light, a true example of a young man who has his sights on greatness and is doing all he can to get there. He plays hard, but there’s no gainsaying that Okechukwu words hard, and I am mega proud of him! He has a Wikipedia entry here, and he sent me his submission in hours of my asking. Rockstar!

My name is Jake Okechukwu Effoduh; I am an unrepentant Nigerian.

I anchor a national radio programme on governance under the platform of the BBC Media Action called “Talk Your Own Make Naija Better” I also serve as a Special Adviser to the Director General of the Nigerian Institute of Advanced Legal Studies where I work as a Research Fellow.

One thing I have learnt this year? Asides cramming so many statistics on human rights and minority populations, I have learnt that homosexuality exists in 450 species but homophobia exists in only one therefore without knowing a thing, one must not hate.

What I am grateful for? I am grateful to God for so many things! First, for making sure I’ve NEVER been ill for the 26 years of my existence. Second, for blessing me with a genotype that makes me immune to malaria. Third, for giving me a mighty and extraordinary appetite that has attracted a team of Israeli nutritionists who have come to Nigeria for the purpose of using me for an unprecedented survey, which I am getting paid for (although the money is very very small sha – these nutritionists and their aka gum. Lol) As for this year, I am grateful to God for my entrée into the prestigious University of Oxford on a very generous scholarship.

One thing I would do differently if I could? If I could, I would do many things differently, e.g. I would like to wear mufti to court; speak pidgin at meetings; and then most importantly: dance more on the road. The thing is, I love to take long walks with music blasting through my earpiece from my phone. For me, there is nothing more refreshing than listening to my favorite songs in the middle of the wind while in locomotion. It always induces me to bust a move, but I find myself responding to the music only when people are scarce on the road so that I don’t create a scene.

Don’t even let the serious face fool you, Okechukwu is a joke and half! And err, he is single. Is he? I don’t know o! Confirm before you start ‘busting your own moves’.

 P:S – Three days to the end of the #31days31writers project. I’m excited! It’s been an amazing ride; so many lessons, laughs, emotive moments, I will definitely do this again!

“I learnt to let go and forgive” – Onaedo!! #31days31writers

Onaedo is special. Special because I don’t know if I ever tweeted her before I made the call on Twitter about the #31days31writers project. But I made the call, and she said she was up for it, and she was actually one of the first to send her entry in, so thank you babes! Twitter made real! (Well not completely, yet)

I loved her article, has such an honesty to it I can relate to every word! I would ask why she did the change of name but hey, why don’t you get done reading first? For the 11th day of this project, I present the beautiful Onaedo!!

My name is Olayinka (I have adopted the name, Onaedo), I am a Nigerian, a (non-practicing) Lawyer, veering into Administration and HR, blogging (still a learner) (blog.asoroko.com, oloriola.blogspot.com) and a host of other things that are still in the works.

Writing about my 2013 could take up all your time to read, so I’ll  just stick with the basics and shoot, starting with what I learnt this year.

What did I learn? Well, a whole lot, but the most important one to me is that which I learnt of myself. I learnt, shockingly, that I still had a lot of suppressed anger and resentment to deal with. Not what you might have been expecting? Sorry, but honesty they say, is the best policy.

The good thing though is, I learnt to release them. I learnt to let go and forgive. I realize that people are not perfect and if they knew better, they would do better. I realize that, maybe, that was the best they had to offer at the time and I have made my peace with that. Instead of paying lip service to forgiving and letting go, I actually did and am still doing; forgiveness is a continuous process. Who am I to demand what people can not give when I am less than perfect too? Besides, all those clichés you heard about forgiveness are true, I am a living witness, (somebody shout Hosanna!).

I have learnt, again, to be more at peace with myself and worry less. There have been bouts of feelings of helplessness and a loss of faith, but they have been fleeting too. Right now, I have Peace, Faith and Hope immeasurably and it would be an absolute no-no to trade those for anything in the world.

What I am most grateful for, amongst other things, is life, my family and my friends. I know people who I didn’t think would just leave like that, but they did. A terrible reminder of how fickle and precarious life is, so I am grateful I am still here, with the ones I love and who love me. I realize that nothing is real but love after all, (you should listen to ‘Nothing’s Real But Love’ by Rebecca Ferguson; it’s a beautiful but earnest reminder of the essence of time and love).

To what I would do differently if I could; it’s to have loved more, to have given more and to have been more committed to my purpose, (I have quite a few of ‘would have, could have, should have-s’ but this is top on the list). I have loads of excuses for falling short, but I know, at the end of the day, they are just that; excuses.

Above all, I am (still and always) learning, growing, evolving, yet, being me in the process. My essence, what makes me ‘me’, is what I would not lose.

PS  – I am still not excited about Christmas, I think I need help! Help me please; somebody, anybody!

Wow… I just love her haircut!! Wonder if I’ll ever be able to pluck the courage to do this!

“I have learnt that dreams can actually come true” – Bisi Alimi #31days31writers

I met Bisi at the funeral wake for Remi Lagos somewhere in London, and apart from immediately getting drawn in by his warmth and cheer, it was nice to just cheer each other up. He’s been my friend ever since, and I am proud of him, the work he does, and I admire the way he effortlessly lights up any room he enters.

Did I mention Bisi introduced me to someone I hope to be doing a lot of work with next year? Thank you Bisi!!

For for the 10th day of my #31days31writers project, I give you Bisi Alimi!

My name is Bisi Alimi; I am a citizen of Nigeria and resident of UK. I  am a very busy person, I run The Bisi Alimi Consultancy; a consulting and advocacy outfit providing training on LGBT and HIV support in  educational institutions and workplaces. I also run the Rainbow Intersection; A platform aimed at discussing, debating and dissecting the various intersections across Race, Culture and Sexuality in Modern Britain with a very good friend of mine.

2013 has been the most amazing and yet challenging year in my life. I have learnt that dreams can actually come true if only we follow it with a pure heart.

I have learnt that as much as planning for the future matters, the spontaneity of life is what makes us think we have a miracle. I love to plan but I have learnt that life’s surprises are equally as beautiful and worth looking forward to as well as a planned life.

I have learnt to take time to relax, listen to me and take care of me. I started yoga this year, which has helped my breathing. It has also helped me to name my thoughts, and that in turn has helped me to be able to deal with them. I am normally a hyperactive person but yoga has slowed me down greatly and has helped my concentration.

I am grateful for all the wonderful people in my life. These people have helped me to appreciate the silence of friendship and the loudness of care. They showed me love when I needed it, picked me when I was down and scolded me when I needed to be told off.

I have two wonderful god-daughters that I have started to get to know; they are special and I will be putting my 2014 into knowing these two wonderful ladies.

I am grateful for all my fans; they showed me what being loved is all about. I am thankful for every little and big thing in life. For love, for peace, for challenges, for failures and for success, for tears and for laughter, for sleep and for sleepless nights too.

One thing I would do differently is to learn from past but never allow it to run my present and my future. I learnt that a very hard way in 2013 and as I look forward to 2014, I hope to start the year on a new slate, take chances, fall in love, travel, climb mountains, learn how to swim, take to gardening, push boundaries and finally finish that book everyone is waiting for.

Bisi.

Tales from Djeregbe: London – Lagos – Benin Republic!

“I am gradually learning to love the silence” – Dosh Mabonga! #31days31writers

First time we met, I don’t remember if I was just jealous she was skinny (with a happy appetite) or if I was thrilled to make a new friend. After spending a few days on her blog, a depth to her was opened to me, and she’s been one of my favorite people ever since!

Say hello to Dosh!

Silence

My name is Elizabeth “Dosh” Mabonga and I am Ugandan, Nigerian and American. Biologically, I am only two of these and legally, I am also just two but together, they have contributed to making me who I am so I claim all three without shame or favor. My church owns a school and I work at the Early Education Center, teaching school aged children in the after-school program. I am also a graduate student hoping to earn my Masters in Clinical Mental Health Counseling by the end of next year.

The biggest lesson I learnt (and I am still learning) this year is silence. My filters don’t work right but life has taught me to shut my big mouth and let some things be. Not every opinion needs to be heard, not every emotion needs to be expressed and not every err needs to be pointed out. I am gradually learning to love the silence and discover the secrets to it; how to smile with just my heart, hurt passively, go around like a ninja… unseen and unheard.

The thing I am most grateful for this year is that I got to go home, to Nigeria. My mother is so technologically handicapped that she refuses to get a smart smart-phone or learn how to turn on a computer so I only get to see her on the rare occasion that she dedicates 30 minutes to taking and texting me a picture. Concrete mumu that my genes are, they decided to inherit some of this disorder. On a brighter note, going home meant I got to spend time with her, get breakfast in bed, eat pounded yam nine times in less than two weeks and have someone fuss over me round the clock. Priceless!

I read somewhere that “people take care of those they love and those who love in return are willing to accept that caretaking”. If I could do one thing differently this year, it would be to open my eyes to the depth of my relationships. I took some friends for granted and placed those who couldn’t care less about me on a pedestal. When people love you, they love all of you, tolerate your dark side and call you out on your foolishness. Unfortunately, it took a whole and three-quarters of foolishness to for me to realize this. Most of all, I hurt some of my favorite people in the world by not sharing my problems with them. I don’t think I understood how possible this was till they confronted me about it and counted instances in the past when I didn’t let them in. I grew up as an only child and learnt long ago to depend on just myself, my mother and my God so opening up and confiding in best friends/romantic partners is new territory.

In the end, I feel like a 5-year old who is learning the appropriate times to speak up and when to remain silent. In speaking up, I am learning that it is alright to seek comfort from the people who love me but not to yarn my church mind ever so often. In hushing up, I am rediscovering the secrets to silence, and the quiet is deafening.

http://doshix.blogspot.com