10 lessons I’ve learned two months into 2016

Children of God!

How’s everyone doing? Good? I know, I’ve been absent, not unavoidably, but I promise I couldn’t help it. I need you to understand how hard I tried! God is faithful sha, the year’s shaping up really nicely, and I can’t but be thankful. Where do I start from? I have a brand new, gorgeous niece! Like, when I held her like an hour after she popped out (literally, lol), I felt like my heart would explode! Very thankful!

Take a minute to admire my gorgeous head, will you?

So, what I’ve been up to? Or do we just look at the things I said I’ve learned and then they incorporate bits of what I’ve been up to? Yep, I prefer the second option, let’s do that.

1. Sometimes you need to let people go. Like cut them off, and uprooting whatever stumps they attempt to leave behind because they’re cancerous and you don’t want any reappearances. And sometimes that can be difficult. And that’s ok, because we’re human, flesh and blood, etc. But a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do sometimes!
2. Prayer is a direct line to God. Like D-I-R-E-C-T. So in February my inner lights of my car stopped working, and I’m afraid of my mechanic cos every time he fixes something it’s never what it used to be. So it works, but I just know the general equilibrium of the car has been messed with. Anyway, so that night I prayed and said to God that He could fix my car and save me from using potential tithe or offering money to fix it (I know, I’m such a spoiled Jesus baby). Guess what? Next night I drove the car, guess whose inner lights came on? Whoop! Thank you God!
3. Mechanics, tailors, carpenters, electricians, all artisans are cut from the same cloth. Like I cannot deal! I was going to learn tailoring (and I know a friend who picked up the skill recently and is doing great) but am I going to learn all the others too? Sigh.
4. Babies are work, a lot of work! My niece has the loudest voice I’ve ever heard on a baby… my God! Like when she’s upset, she can raise the dead! To be honest I don’t remember if my nephew was this loud or if we’ve forgotten because he’s a bit older (3 going on 300, lol). Either way my little princess has lungs! Dang! She will join a choir biko, we won’t waste this talent.
5. Children say the darndest things, no really they do. So, my nephew is three, our little majesty. He’s awesome, and I’m excited at how much he’s growing up, and how he’s learned that Chioma’s iPad needs something called internet if he’s going to watch Dora the Explorer on it. Lol. So, where it would have been “Chioma can I use your iPad?” it’s become “Chioma do you have internet?” Lol. Cuteness overload when he wakes up in the morning and first thing he asks me is if I have internet. Uncle say good morning jor!
6. I miss my aunt, and I don’t think we’ll ever stop talking about her. So my mom’s been around for just under a month now, and we were all gisting yesterday when it occurred to us that we talk about my aunty maybe everyday! Sometimes more than once in a day. Cancer. Cancer. Cancer. You bastard.
7. I haven’t read as much as I planned to do this year. I said I would do a minimum of three books a month, I’m almost rolling my eyes at how far away from that I am! Sigh. Who has a reading plan or something like that I can TRY to follow? I just feel a little inadequate when I’m not amassing titles and going through them.
8. I haven’t been out of Nigeria since January, and outside Africa since October. Have you looked at the exchange rates recently? Cough.
9. 30 isn’t as scary as I thought it would be. It’s the big 3-0 in a few months, and I have a whole lineup of activities I’m working on, across a number of continents (yes Boo), and involving a few crazy heights! Yeesss!! I c-a-n-n-o-t wait! Bucket list of life and destiny! Now looking up to God and showing him the total for the trip, and smiling, because God likes it when I smile. Lol…
10. I fasted in January with my church, HolyHill Church in Wuse 2. 21 days (20 for me because I missed one day). It was quite the experience, and I look forward to being able to do that and just focus on God without it being a congregational activity. There’s nothing like activating a direct line to God walai… I cannot explain!

There you have it, 10 things I’ve been opened up to from the beginning of this year till now.

11. And here’s a nice little number 11 because it’s my blog, and I can – I’m a fine girl! Whoosh!!! Ok, I didn’t just figure that out, lol, but this is more like your point to ponder, reflect on, and dance to! Lol!

PS: I almost had an accident yesterday night… I was headed to Shoprite to buy chicken (lol, bestie says I wasn’t even going anywhere ‘serious’) and suddenly this guy in a Toyota Camry just comes out of literally nowhere. I’m over 100km/hr and so I call the name above every other name and step on the brakes – the one oyibo people call ‘jam the brakes’ – and I’ve never heard screeching that loud. My God! I didn’t hit it (ram into it would have been a more accurate description). My hands were steady, I didn’t swerve or endanger anyone, and interestingly, even though the guy sped forward just a little bit (when he heard the screeching I guess), the space between us wasn’t that much when my car stopped. Phew!

Praise God with me!

#31Days31Writers: Oladayo learned the futility of comparing himself to others

Yes!! One male, one female! That’s what I’m trying to achieve this year with the #31Days31Writers series… Love it! The different voices, the diversity in our experiences, I love it! Again I’m humbled when people I don’t know/don’t really know reach out to offer entries for this series… Thank you for considering my blog worthy of your time, effort, and experiences!

Say hello to our entry for today, Oladayo!

2015. Oh 2015, you gave me quite a scare at some point but trust God to make everything beautiful in His time.Yes!

My name is Oladayo and 2015 has been the year. Started routinely, life going as usual, then came the bump in the road. However, it only helped me find myself in God and made me a better, stronger man. And like any good movie, the end of the year is much better. All bumps were navigated and multiple lessons were learned. Will share a few:

I have learned to lean totally on God and avoid self-help especially when He’s promised to sort me out. You can never underestimate the leading of God in life.

I learned how to overcome my fears and reduce my tendency to worry. If I really can’t help it, why worry? Better to commit to God and wait on Him to show up.

I have learned the importance of building one’s faith in advance so that when great faith is needed, it can be tapped into. I have learned the power of organic growth and the futility of comparing oneself with others. Trust me, we all have our challenges. Grow at your pace and run your own race. There is space for us all to thrive.

I have many things to be thankful for:

1. My wife – my rock, the soft-spoken, gentle tower of strength beside me.

2. Friends who show up for me, giving what I ask for without asking why I need. Nothing is too much to ask friends. I needed a loan for a project and my bank took months to say no. It took my friend less than a day to give the funds needed when I asked.

3. Many minute, day-to-day blessings that tally up to very big miracles. I ventured into projects that normally would look scary and I am coming out unscathed through God’s Grace.

4. Nigeria – thankful that we still have a country. With all its flaws, we are still standing. The turn of the year brought a lot of fear and even now when I see Syria, I am thankful for the relative peace we enjoy in Nigeria

5. Safe travels – been another intense travel year, rate of over 1 flight a week. I see all the issues in aviation worldwide and I can’t but be thankful for safe and eventless flights.

All in all, I am looking forward to 2016 with the assurance that it’s going to be a much better year on all fronts. I believe I will be reaching new frontiers, all by God’s Grace.

Thank you Oladayo! Here’s a big amen to all your prayers, for you and your family, and all the readers on this blog! Someone said recently on Twitter that beneath all the smart quips and laughs on Twitter, some of us struggled this year, and she prayed that the joys of 2016 would make us forget everything that hurt/stung. 

Come back tomorrow everyone!

Lagos, hotels, and another Medview flight

Exactly one week ago I was in Lagos recently for the #TheREDSummit, the 10th anniversary of Red Media Africa, and the gala in honour of 121 media legends of our time. Truly successful event which I was proud to be a part of. It was exciting to meet people (some I didn’t know and others I’d built relationships with on social media), to listen to different views on media, communication, the next 10 years, etc. Two ladies stood out from all the new people I met; Adenike of Naija Info FM, and Toyin Poju Oyemade – gorgeous women who love God and are fun, down-to-earth, I could go on and on! Truly exciting.

Gala night… so much fun! Rocking my new haircut – love it!

I also enjoyed the time away from work (even though I was pretty much working from my hotel), from Abuja, from the norm. I thank God for the opportunity to travel which always ‘disrupts’; I wonder how bored I would be if I couldn’t ‘up and go’ every once in a while.

I spent a lovely time in Lagos, almost destroyed by the traffic (which is high up on the list of why I  detest the place to be honest). On Saturday I’d gone to the University of Lagos to be a part of the event organised for students in media and communications drawn from a number of schools. I met some really fascinating people, including Anita Erskine, a former Studio 53 presenter who was brutally honest when we spoke about wake-up calls, women helping women, and how she got to where she is now after waking up one morning and Studio 53 was over (for a number of reasons). Love her!

I left with Tosin Ajibade (Olorisupergal), and we were stuck in traffic just leaving Yaba for approximately 2 hours 45 minutes. Sweet baby Jesus I dislike Lagos for the traffic! It was awesome to talk through social media et al with her the entire time (wonder what I would have done if I was in a cab) but I got back to my hotel and passed out!

Speaking of hotels, one day I’ll chronicle the different hotels/hostels I’ve stayed in in this life; this trip was spent between Oriental Hotel and The MoorHouse. Obviously the latter beat the former hands down!

On Sunday the 18th of October I went to brunch with my girl Tokes and her friend (now my friend) Joy; we went to The George Hotel, also in Ikoyi. Hilarious afternoon full of good food (which I love), great laughs, and even greater conversation! I know we shouldn’t (so soon) but I’m looking forward to doing that again!

Then it was back to the hotel, snatched up my things and sped off to the airport. Made good time, checked in, and we boarded a 5.30pm flight on time. Medview. Remember the drama on Wednesday when I flew in with them? That story is here.

So we take off, I’m wedged between a guy with a really smelly armpit and a buxom, really chubby lady. I decide I will distract myself from the fact that I don’t have a window seat.

The pilot comes on to say hello and announces there’s a storm coming over Abuja and he’s going to try to get us there before it, and to enjoy the flight. I settle into the book I took off my friend Chinma (was so good to see her, especially since we missed each other in Boston just last month)!

Next thing I know, the plane LITERALLY drops; taking my stomach with it. The next 10 -13 minutes all I can see from straining to see past the lady’s arm/body are thick clouds, all we can feel is bumpiness, like we were trying (albeit unsuccessfully) to avoid potholes. Everyone started praying (loudly), except the man with the smelly armpit. He just looked straight on.

I was afraid. I’ve seen turbulence, but never  like this. And then someone started saying, “Father if it is your will”, and in my mind I’m like, “I’m under 30. God’s plan for me is NOT a violent death”. And so I willed myself to block her voice out of my mind, and started praying for composure for the pilot.

The longest 11 minutes of my life. I thought of my nephew, and how he wouldn’t remember me, and then of my folks and how crushed they would be. Instructive to note I didn’t think of work, folks owing me (and they are plenty, sigh), or of anything beyond my nephew and my folks.

I snapped out of those thoughts, and this song came to my mind. “Miracle Worker” by Glowreeyah Braimah and Nathaniel Bassey (it’s one of my favourite songs ever) and so I was alternating between the song and prayer.

Pilot (Captain Boye) comes on. Says we couldn’t avoid the storm, and he can’t land so he’s going to go ‘try’ through “The East”. He sounded so calm (and I was really thankful he was communicating with us – God bless him). Cue at least 30 minutes of circling. Lagos to Abuja is approximately 50 minutes; we took off before 6pm and by 7.30pm, we were still solidly in the air.

I started listening for the sound of the wings broadening (I’ve become used to that sound) because it tells me we’re starting to descend. Sometimes I’d hear a sound, but it wouldn’t be it. The woman beside me started singing Igbo songs, and I remembered my mother. And I prayed even harder.

It went quiet for a bit.

Then I heard it. The unmistakable sound of the wings. We’d commenced our descent! I started crying. Then the pilot announced it, and the woman beside me started crying too. She hugged me, and in that moment I felt my Aunty Pat. So I hugged her, and rested my head on her ample bosom for a bit.

The landing was rough but I didn’t care. What!!! People started clapping, shouting. “Praise the Lord, Halleluyah, God is good” rent the air, and people congratulated each other as soon as they dried their eyes. Even the men. Even the hostesses. Pilot was unavailable to the folks who wanted to say hello (I totally understand). Everyone started calling everyone. I rang my sister.

She said she was asleep and when the rain started (apparently it was that intense), it woke her up, she rang me and when my number was unavailable, she knew I was in the air and started praying.

Here’s the birdie that brought us home… Notice I wasn’t the one taking pictures…

I got my luggage, got in a cab, tweeted “God himself landed our plane tonight”, and wept all the way home. Get there and guess who runs to get the door? My nephew. Cue fresh tears as my munchkin wrapped himself around my neck. Boo thang didn’t even notice my tears with the 100 questions he started asking.

Exactly one week after that flight, and my eyes are still watering as I type. As I imagine how the story could have ended different.

But it didn’t. And I’m thankful. Today, and everyday.

 

Secrets to answered prayers a.k.a how/when to pray

“Every time you pray, attach a scripture to it and you are guaranteed an answer from God because He cannot deny/ignore His word.”

This is one of the things Daddy Adeboye started his message with, and I was hooked. Simple logic really, but super effective. Remember school days when we had to write exams? Especially if you schooled in Nigeria where reproduction was promoted over individual thought/reflection, you’re more assured of high grades if you give the lecturer his words in an exam/test.

Same thing with God (except we have free will and are not under any compulsion to do anything) – what does His word say? Are you saying those words back to him?

So question is, do you know His Word? Here’s a few things God has said concerning us:

Mark 16:17-18 – “And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they cast out devils; they shall speak with new tongues; They shall take up serpents; and if they drink any deadly thing, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the sick, and they shall recover.” 

Matthew 10: 7-8 “And as ye go, preach, saying, The kingdom of heaven is at hand. Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out devils: freely ye have received, freely give.”

Isaiah 41:10-14 – “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous.”

 

What is God to you? Who is His son Jesus to you?

According to Matthew 1:21 He is our savior, Exodus 15:26 calls Him our healer, Psalm 23:1-6 pegs Him as our comprehensive provider, John 15:1-5 says he is the fruitful vine, on and on, and on.

Know your God! Ladies and gentlemen know your God! You can only witness effectively about someone you know intimately. Take time learning and communicating with God!

Mark 2: 1-2 – The reason why my prayers might go unanswered is that the answers I seek do not have anything to add to the kingdom of God. How do your plans fit into the plans of God?

According to the scripture below, where are you ‘bringing joy’?

Acts 8: 5- 8 – “Philip went down to a city in Samaria and proclaimed the Messiah there. When the crowds heard Philip and saw the signs he performed, they all paid close attention to what he said. For with shrieks, impure spirits came out of many, and many who were paralyzed or lame were healed. So there was great joy in that city.”

Once I become addicted to soul winning, John 15: 16 takes full effect in my life! What an easy way to get God’s permanent attention!

 

And then we prayed! Ahh! Daddy Adeboye is super proficient in leading prayers o, no gainsaying that at all. Here are the prayer points we used (paraphrased and can just be used as a guide)

 

1. Worship Him generously
2. Thank Him abundantly – for all the things we normally take for granted
3. Lord you always answer people who worship you. As I worship, answer me today
4. Father you commanded that I be fruitful and multiply – let those words find abundant expression in my life
5. Father you promised that everyone who goes out to witness for you would be given whatever they asked for. Give to me (only pray this if you’re actually sharing the word o!)
6. Save millions today Lord – this harvest is ripe – all over the world mighty father
7. You said you came so I can have life and it more abundantly. Let me enter into and enjoy your abundance mighty Lord.

May God hear and bring speedy answers to our prayers in Jesus name!

Have a fabulous week ahead!

xx

#31Days31Writers: Ike wants you to know that prayer still works!

Ike has been my friend for a very long time. From attending the same church together, to looking forward to his comments on my blog, some people you just know will always be there when you need them.

He’s a fine gentleman, loves the Lord (ladies y’all need to check if he’s single – and ready to mingle), and I know you will enjoy his post!

My Name is Ike Onuzulike, I am Nigerian, and I work in a Bank.

This year started off for me laden with some good expectations; I would be due for a promotion at work by the time our company’s annual appraisal will be conducted mid-year though it wouldn’t be automatic and also, I would turn 30 by the month of June. I pretty much knew I needed some good measure of focus and lots of favor so, I turned to prayers. A three-week fasting exercise observed in church provided an excellent platform. I seized the opportunity turning my goals into prayer points on sheets of paper.

As the days rolled on during the exercise, it not only brought me favors at work but also a lot of focus that rubbed off well on my work. I was among few selected in my Division as the outstanding staffs and I was given a letter of recommendation by my Divisional Head after our Annual Divisional Retreat.

A twist of events occurred just a few weeks to the appraisal month, I began to witness some lows, a couple of errors that threatened my unit’s performance rating. The fear of this blip working against my appraisal piled a bit of pressure, and increasingly my confidence dipped. After a while I sat back and reviewed the period and I knew obviously that my foundation were shaken. So this time, I turned to family to join me in prayers and with them offering support, the tide changed. Mid-year is here, some of my mates unfortunately missed out on the promotion list but I made the list and in the month it took effect, month of June I turned 30 (on the 28th of June to be precise).

I would say that I have come to learn that hard work alone is not enough, there will always be the moments when all you need would just be a lift to push on and for me, prayer and lots of family support always comes in handy. I am most grateful so far for the people around me. I feel that beside “Time”, the gift of people around you is one of the most valuable things God had blessed us with. That is why for me He placed premium on us loving our neighbours. I work hard in keeping the love alive for people around me whether to offer a smile, a kind word, a shoulder when things are not going so well, down to offering material help because at the end, there may be low moments when they will be the ones to will fill in and offer you that much needed lift.

The remaining part of the year for me? I need a lot of stability and so I’m looking to God for directions. I am torn between going back to my first love, Engineering for a graduate course in one of the top North American schools or to advance my career in Banking. I have been doing the preliminary tests required for the admission but, I need lots of direction.

And yes, I’d like to have some stability at work and good health.

So far though, It’s been great!

Congratulations on the promotion Ike, and happy birthday again! When are we getting the wine to ‘wash’ all these?

Ladies! Don’t say I didn’t do anything for you!

 

Thank you…

Yesterday made it exactly two months since my darling aunty passed, and it still feels like one day she’ll knock on the door and all of this would have been a huge, cruel joke.

I miss her like crazy, everything still screams her, but I’m learning to be grateful for the times we had, the things she taught me, and the fact that she’s resting in the bosom of the Lord, far above any type of pain at this time.

I thought about her all day yesterday, and when I got tired of listening to Michael Kiwanuka‘s ‘I’ll get along’, I thought I’d write a bit, say a big thank you to people who have been there for me in this period; this time of great grief and sorrow. People in whose arms I’ve cried, in whose words i have comfort and solace, in whose prayers I’ve found strength – people whose friendship I don’t deserve, but I have been fortunate to have been blessed with.

To Olamide Craig who missed a day of school that Monday morning, came over, stayed with me (spent literally the entire day) and only left after I had slept, God bless you. This our friendship sha! Made in heaven ke nan!

To Ace, rockstar! You have been there through all of this, up to when you had to scold me to get it together, I saw your love (and worry) right through. Thank you!

To  my bestie of life and destiny, Miss Wumi Raji! Even though you were dealing with a tragedy of your own, you still found time to check on me, worry about me, tease me, even insult me sef! Love you to the moon and back babe!

To Nike Coker, a friend who is closer than a sister, I love you!!! I won’t ever forget you showing up on the day of the funeral, straight from the airport sef! Whatever did I do to deserve your friendship? God bless you for me o! Massive hugs to Bukky and Tony who showed up to be there for me because you asked them to. God bless you guys loads and loads.

To a friend and boss, Chude, thank you. Who else gives their staff two months off work? When we were in hospital, when she passed, I didn’t have to worry about my work suffering, because you let me off anyway. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. How many times can I say that really?

To Zoey, of the tapestry treasures blog, whoop! What would I have done without you? We’ve never met but at some point I could hear you talking to me just by the comments you were leaving on my posts! God bless you for all the words of encouragement, the prayers, the personal stories you shared, I’m more than grateful! Thank you Zoey…

To Matilda (daughter of Zion ke nan), Anino (whatever would I do without you), my iBlend family, buddies on social media, people everywhere who showered love and affection, who called, who prayed, who sent messages, who still check to see that we’re all holding up ok.

God bless you.

Thank you.

Finding the strength within

Finding that strength within – not the easiest thing to do sometimes. I don’t mean finding the strength to tackle your laundry, do your schoolwork, or get to something you’ve been procrastinating about since you were a child. I’m talking about sending your soul to find the fortitude/place/strength to deal with unpleasant situations – could be the death of a loved one, a tough time financially, pressure from school/work, you know, those kinds of things where the issue is felt more in your mind than physically.

Where do you draw strength? Some people turn to alcohol or drugs (with horrible consequences), some turn to music, others depend on a partner or spouse, others turn to God (in whatever form they know him), and according to Nollywood, more than half turn to one native doctor or the other (sorry that was too good to pass up).

I would say what mine is but truth is it depends on what the issue is. Sometimes all I need to get through a difficult time is to see a picture of my nephew, the cutest baby on the planet! Or (and this might sound funny), write about the issue I’m facing. Can I say that some of my best blog posts were written in times of great despair/anger/emotion? Other times playing music really loud helps (especially when I cry and let the music drown my wailing). Other times I lie in bed, have a good cry (I’m a bit of a wailer I know), and fall asleep.

One thing I don’t fail to do though when I feel low is pray. It could be the ‘help me Lord before I kill someone’ prayer or the ‘Lord Jesus help me through this’ cry, but I pray. And it always makes me feel better.

I’m learning to talk too, talk about the way I feel. I was speaking to Booski the other day and he said (like he had said a million times before), “You need to talk to me Babe. Whatever it is, I won’t know if you don’t tell me.” Bless him.

It is important to share; I’m learning to draw strength from people when I’m incapable of standing on my own. I talk to family, I talk to my therapist (yes I have one, happy to facilitate an introduction), I talk to my bestie Wumi; I talk, and I let it out.

Food for thought for today – like I’ve said in a few posts before, if we were supposed to exist in isolation it would be one person per country or per continent. That’s not the case so don’t live like that. Don’t try to.

We all have that route/opening for expressing hurt, anger, shame, and pain; letting out the emotions we gather on this walk called life. It’s foolhardy to try to go it alone so find your escape, and keep it close.

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