That rape/molestation argument, and my experience at the National Assembly

Right.

I’m a little upset tonight, and I’ll tell you why in just a minute. First off, apologies I’ve been inconsistent. I know I owe chronicles from my Hamburg and Abuja trips, and I will get to them in good time. This piece however couldn’t wait.

It is inspired by a post I saw on Joy Bewaji’s page on Facebook this evening, and because I want this piece to have the right context, I’ve got a screenshot for you.

My comment was along the lines of I’d make sure I gave the person a permanent injury, and even if my breast was hanging out of my top or if I put it on my forehead (because it is my body part), it doesn’t give anyone the right to touch it.

Then I saw a comment from a guy who said “You see — I have two daughters, one much younger and I tell them always to dress up and cover up — so that they don’t have crazies stirring at them in an unwelcome manner”.

And that got me really ticked off. For some reason it just really annoyed me. My comment (in response to that man) is italicised below.

https://fairygodsister.wordpress.com/…/this-has-got-to…/ 

Did the 4-year-old in my blog from 2010 dress ‘indecently’? How does a 4-year-old entice a 45-year-old man?

I am not a parent John* (I see you’re throwing that around a little bit now) but I have this thing that my folks (who are parents) taught me, and that is self-respect. They taught me boundaries and God bless them, I have a brother who they taught him the exact things too.

Some men are animals. Not all, but a good number of men are animals. Animals because they lack self-respect, and self-control. Tis’ the absence of those two that make animals in the forest eat one another, do numbers one and two ‘anywhere belle face’, and all the things that generally separate man from beast.

In my first comment I said even if her breast was hanging out, heck even if it was on her forehead, he had absolutely NO right to touch it. That is what separates man from beast. It’s spring now, and the teens here are preempting summer and wearing the tiniest bits in their wardrobe. Are you saying because they are dressed that way they are ‘not being cautious’? Are you saying they are asking to be molested?

When I have children (and therefore become a parent), I will teach my children to dress decently only because it is the decent thing to do, not as a shield against molestation. 

It is these excuses we give for depravity that tire me. Absolutely grate.

Following on from that, here’s an experience that’s barely two weeks old.

I was in Nigeria in the last week of February, and among a number of meetings was one with a Senator. Venue? National Assembly. Now I’d never been there (accompanied or on my own), so I was already a little apprehensive. And it was HOT.

Got there dressed in a knee-length, small-sleeved, black corporate-type dress, and brown heels. I got to the gate and was told I couldn’t go in because they had a policy against sleeveless dresses so we wouldn’t “entice the Assemblymen”.

I swear I pinched myself to be sure I was neither being pranked, nor starring in my own horror movie. I got them to let me in (involved calling the Senator’s office and protesting), but at the door of the complex, I was again told by military men at the door there was a policy against ‘seductive dressing’, including sleeveless dresses. Remember my dress had a small sleeve? All of my attempts at explaining the difference between ‘small sleeves’ and ‘sleeveless’ were akin to trying to catch the wind.

After all said and argued, ladies and gentlemen, I had to go home to change.

Got home, changed into black trousers and a blue long-sleeved top, same heels and the taxi drove me back there (think about how much I had incurred with this Israelite journey). Went in, met the children of God who are the ‘special assistants’ to the Senator, and when my business was done, I started the long walk under the sun outside to where my taxi was waiting.

Next thing a car passes me, reverses a bit, and stops. The right back window goes down and a man tells me “fine girl, leave the sun, come into my car”. I looked at him, gave him the dirtiest look I had, and continued walking. Brethren, the car followed me till I rounded the corner, catcalling, begging me to enter the car and tell him why I was frowning, etc. He didn’t stop till I turned the corner, then the car drove off. It had NASS plates. I know the guy (I went online and searched all their faces till I found him).

Wasn’t it for an animal like this I incurred bills on my taxi, and suffered more exposure to the sun than necessary? Isn’t it for these ones I was sent home because a sleeveless dress (never mind that it wasn’t sleeveless) would entice them? Who on earth are we kidding?

Ladies and gentlemen, you are either an animal or a human being. This excuse we give about women inviting molestation or rape on themselves because of the way they are dressed is sickening.

What did this girl on the way back from her grandfather’s funeral do to invite rape, by 6 men who threw her in a ditch and left her for dead afterwards?

It is also hypocritical because, like I said to the creature of God who asked what a young lady was wearing when she was molested by thugs posing as officials of the Abuja Environmental Protection Bureau, the easiest way to show that your argument is a lie is to let your sister or mom be the victim, be the person raped or molested.

Let’s have this argument if your first question is about what they wore to ‘invite it’. Otherwise can we please train our children up in the way they should go already?

P:S – I did a blog (can’t find it) once where I said I’d set on fire anyone who ever touched my kids inappropriately.

When does a joke stop being a joke?

Right.

I haven’t blogged in days because I thought I’d take a break from the writing after the very successful #31days31writers project. Plan was to come back tomorrow.

I saw something on Twitter this morning though, and just thought of put things in perspective. It’s about the Basket Mouth ‘rape’ post, his thoughts (or what I think his thoughts are), and the bit that made me write, his very distasteful apology.

A bit of history – Basket Mouth, real name Bright Okpocha is a comedian, a very successful one at that. He’s also got a very large following on social media, including Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To contextualize ‘large following’, his posts on FB get as much as 6000 likes. Automatic opinion leader.

He put this up on Facebook last night:

I didn’t see it, cos I don’t follow him on Facebook. That post got approximately 5200 likes. A lot of people took him up on it this morning (especially on Twitter), and his only ‘response’ to the issue was to retweet this.

Of course that made stuff worse, and people really began to call him out. And if you’re familiar with Nigerian Twitter, when it is ‘your day’, it is your day.

Basket Mouth, in his ‘wisdom’, and probably under advisement from peers that the conversation on the issue was getting out of hand, decided to tweet an apology. Of course I captured it.

Here he is referring to the #ChildNotBride controversy from the middle of last year.

That’s it for history, at least up to the time of publishing this.

Personally, I think the joke was in bad taste. Very bad taste, and on a lot of levels. Start from racial profiling, and the silly stereotype that says ‘white girls are easy lays’. Aren’t we the ones who scream the loudest when Africa is lumped into one country?

Then there’s the African part of the equation that justifies rape because the man has done a, b, c, and d and still cannot get the girl into bed. Disgraceful.

And there’s the apology, which I think was a bigger insult on our sensibilities than the offending post.

To be honest, going beyond BasketMouth’s indiscretion (considering his influence online and offline), I’m more concerned with the over 5000 who thought it was funny. The ones who rebuked people who disagreed with rape being reduced as fodder for jokes, and were bold enough to say so.

Nigerian women already have a lot of issues they have to contend with everyday; I cannot count how many times I have written on violence (sexual or not) against women and young girls, and so to waste an opportunity to inspire, to abuse the loud voice/platform to effect change just grates.

The fact that his mind thought that up in the first place is worrying, remember the scripture that says, “as a man thinketh in his heart, so he is”? Everything we see in our world today starts in the mind.

For those who say it was just a joke, have you ever been raped? You, or a family member? Do you think it would still be a joke if you had been?

For those who say jokes about rape should be allowed because jokes about the disabled et al are allowed, who have you been listening to? You need to change your sources of entertainment!

Rape is wrong. Jokes about rape are distasteful, and wrong. Nothing anyone says will counter those two.

UPDATE – 6.37pm, I’m on the way from a glorious time at church, and I see on Twitter that he’s apologized, ‘properly’ this time. Ignore the grammatical errors please.

P:S – Dear BasketMouth, this joke was not misunderstood. There is nothing even remotely funny about rape.

#JusticeforLiz: Save us from the animals

Apparently this happened about a week ago but I came across this story today, and I had to share.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why did I sign the petition? No where in the world is cutting grass a punishment for gang rape. The men should be charged and punished for rape and attempted murder because they left her to die. They are animals and should be locked away for life. Or castrated and given bits of their penises to eat till they die.

You can sign the petition here, and please say a prayer for the young girl whose innocence has been snatched by these animals.

Related articles

• Kenyans demand justice after rape suspects ordered to mow grass (cnn.com)
• World Petitions Kenya On Busia Girl Gang Rape (profarmsmusic.wordpress.com)