“Who says black men shouldn’t cry?” – My girl Francesca Uriri! #31days31writers

Posted: December 13, 2013 in A post a day
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

How did I even meet Fran? This lovely sister girl? Earliest recollection was buying some gifts from her for a young man I was seeing. Relationship was a disaster but no it wasn’t because of the gifts, lol!

Francesca is a darling, a great friend and encourager, and if you don’t have a Francesca in your life, you’re definitely missing out! I know two, and they are amazing!

For the 13th day of the #31days31writers project, I present Fran!

Who says black men shouldn’t cry?

I was a having a mid-day conversation with a former colleague of mine; we were talking about a guy who had been ‘toasting’ her.

“I don’t really like him,” she said.

“Babe why na?” I asked.

Her response: “He’s too sensitive. Imagine the other day something happened to him; he started crying, just like that!” If I was surprised (which I totally, absolutely was), I didn’t let it show.

“You didn’t like the fact that he was crying?” I probed further.

“At all o!” she replied. “Why should a man be crying? Is he a woman? Can’t he control himself?”

I looked at her for a long moment in shock, offended on behalf of this man who I’d never met and saddened because she would do away with him, this man who she had already branded weak – and why? He cried. Simple.

He cried. He didn’t commit murder, he didn’t rape someone. He just gave into a purely human impulse and let it all come out. Yet, somehow, because of that he had somehow become less of a man.

These are some of the things I struggle with – first, the notion that crying or any expression of ‘soft’ emotion is the exclusive preserve of women, or that men, because they are ‘meant to’ be tough and strong (emphasis on meant to), should somehow pack everything in and never ever show any emotion. It seems to me that the only emotion we want to see from men is when they are in charge, in control, taking over the world, or like Thor, killing off villains. But we forget that men have emotions too (sometimes running even deeper than women), they have needs that they are not always eager (or able) to express, because after all, they are men and so must be ‘strong.’ We forget that even Thor in all his gorgeous, blonde-haired glory, while hammering away evil, needed and thrived on the love from his girlfriend and mother.

And this is where our work as women begins – first as mothers, to encourage and raise our sons to embrace and exhibit sensitivity, the same way we would encourage them to play ‘police & thief’ or soccer. To let them know that no man by himself is a super-hero and that it is not a sign of weakness if he chooses to crumble every now and again. Then as sisters, wives, girlfriends, lovers, etc – to let them know that it is okay to let it out, to not be judgemental or condescending. To create an enabling environment where a man feels confident enough to let down his guard, where he knows that he won’t be laughed at or harangued to hell and back.

For me, it may be easier to say or write all of this, than it is to put it into practice; but it is something we must all do. Why? Because perversely, these men think they have to put up a show for us, to be strong and macho for us women, or else we would laugh at them. Imagine what would happen if they knew they didn’t have to carry this useless, meaningless, crippling baggage? Imagine seeing a man cry and instead of saying something (stupid) like “Be strong, men don’t cry.” You just squeezed him really tightly to let him know that you were there, or allowed him cry on your bosom? Imagine that. Imagine the strength, imagine the possibilities, imagine the change.

We should ask ourselves if not expressing emotion is a sign of strength or weakness. I say it’s a weakness, because the resultant effect of not ever engaging or expressing emotion is that these men become useless husks.

My name is Onomarie Uriri, I am Nigerian, and I am a Public Relations specialist.

Francesca Uriri

Simply gorgeous!

  1. Ebun Oluwole says:

    I love this!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. CJ says:


    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ebele says:

    Onomsky!!! I toooootally agree what “fairygodsister” sed ’bout u! U r truly a sweetheart! I will ditch a weddin 2 have a 5hr chat wit u….again!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. If I crushed on Jeremy unabashedly, then my expression of love for Fran has to tip the scale…oh my!..where has she been all my life?!?!?!??…
    This is uberremarkable!
    If Santa were real, I woulda asked him to give me a visit with Fran as my Christmas gift…*sigh*
    Bless your heart ma’am!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Odunayo says:

    Wow..this just brings back memories of when I was in ss3 and I cried in class cus something not too good happened in school…meyn I can remember just like yesterday how guys were like “come on nw,u can’t be crying” “Kai girls are in class nw”or sorts of things..and me I was just there feeling bad that I let my guard down..lol..memories meyn..funny thing is that these days I find it hard to cry even if I try so hard it doesn’t come naturally, I guess after many years of stifling that emotion..oh well..good post all the same.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Odunayo, I totally agree with Francesca’s post, and feel sorry that you got teased because it’s definitely affected the you today. That’s why I pray that God helps me raise my kids to be human: strong, principled, but human too, capable of expressing emotions without feeling ashamed.


  6. […] “Who says black men shouldn’t cry?” – My girl Francesca Uriri! #31days31writers […]


  7. […] “Who says black men shouldn’t cry?” – My girl Francesca Uriri! #31days31writers […]


  8. tessadoghor says:

    I can’t marry a man who doesn’t know how to cry
    The Holy Ghost makes both men and women cry
    The Holy Ghost makes me cry
    I can’t even marry a man who doesn’t know the Holy Ghost.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes Missy!! We need our men to know the Holy Ghost o! The world is too wicked/complex to go it alone, without the help of the one who created it, who knows the end from the beginning.

      Thank you Tessa for stopping by!


  9. […] “Who says black men shouldn’t cry?” – My girl Francesca Uriri! #31days31writ… […]


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