HAPPY BIRTHDAY NIGERIA!

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Happy birthday Nigeria! Yay! Another year of God’s mercies on my darling country! I was on a train a few nights ago, and it occurred to me that I didn’t have anything prepared for our independence day. And so, I started to write. I finished, but I couldn’t agree with myself on the title for the poem so for now let’s make do with ‘Happy Birthday Nigeria’. I’d be happy to hear any suggestions if you’ve got them, but in the meantime, just enjoy the poem!

One step forward, two steps back

Always seeming to go off track

Fellows treacherous and greedy as wolves

Take pleasure in treating us all as fools

 

 

Piece by piece things fall apart

There’s no evil we don’t attract

Murder, theft, bombs, rape too

Slowly but surely headed for doom

 

 

I love you Nigeria, land of my birth

The land, her people, seas, bountiful resources

And even when you near the brink of death

Social responsibility reality, you will self-correct

 

 

It’s your birthday today, you’re fifty one

Sing, dance, play the cymbals and drum

Flush out corruption and evil starting with me

Only then will your greatness be seen

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NIGERIA!

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ONE YEAR AFTER

Wow! I can’t believe it’s the end of the year already! Feels like yesterday when I rang Nike Coker to tell her I didn’t think I could do this Masters, and she said that as soon as I settled in, the year would run very quickly. Was she right or what? Cos today marks a year of my stay in England, and yes, I’m done with studying!

On the way out (don't remember where)

I’m grateful to a lot of people, who have been there for me this past year; who have gone out of their way to comfort, encourage, tickle, uphold, and ensure that my stay here felt a little more like what I’ve been used to.

I won’t forget today exactly one year ago now, it was drizzling in a very annoying and depressing way. After a pleasant breakfast, my guardian and I headed to Car phone Warehouse where I exchanged £450 for a 9700 (smile if you live in jand), and then she dropped me at the train station to catch something to Birmingham.

Got to Brum about 1pm, it was still raining, and I couldn’t understand why it looked like it was pm; thought they said winter would start in October? My dear friend Andy Madaki had called me a cab from New Street Station; it just didn’t occur to us (especially me) that there were many entrances and exits. Cabbie was at one end calling me, and I was at a different exit, trying not to panic. We didn’t find each other sha so I caught a cab from the station (at twice the cost) and we headed to uni.

I had called the accommodation office before I left London so they were expecting me, only problem was the cabbie and I couldn’t find their office. After an extra 10 minutes of countless U-turns and false starts, he dropped me, graciously didn’t charge any extra, and left. Don’t forget it was raining, I had two suitcases (left a third one in London), and it was my first time in Birmingham.

I finally found the office, got my key, and then trudged to what would be my lodgings for the next year. Fortunately we’d passed the place and because I already knew the house name, it was easy to find. I got there in three minutes. What did I do next? I pushed my boxes to a side of the room, made my bed, climbed into it, and cried myself to sleep. The evening and the morning, the first day.

Taken two days ago, I love it and thought to share!

I’ve come a long way from that dreary day, various highs and lows, exciting and not too exciting days. I just thought I’d mention a couple of things that one year after, I’m grateful for:

• My church! The Redeemed Christian Church of God, Covenant Restoration Assembly, Perry Barr gives life to the ‘home away from home’ saying. I am particularly indebted to my pastor’s wife, Pastor Mrs Obileye for calling to check on all of us students in the church, scolding, caring, and pushing us to do and be better. God bless you ma!
• I’m also grateful for my class, and my colleagues. Grateful that somehow, with a Nigerian, an Egyptian, a German, two Britons, one Irish, one Chinese, an Indian, and an Iranian and American at some point, we all managed each other pretty well! It was wonderful meeting all of you, and exchanging knowledge and our diverse experiences. Big thank you to Dave Harte (our award leader) for handling what can rightly be referred to  a mini United Nations assembly!
• Then, I’m thankful for my friends, extremely grateful for them. To Nike, my bestie Miss Mangut, Tilly, Alkayy, Big Fairy, thank you for helping me not miss Abuja too much! You guys are stronger pillars than you know! To my buddies on various social platforms (especially Twitter), what would I have done without you guys?
• To Wumi, Simi, my flatmate Mariam, and the rest of the ‘crew’ here in Birmingham, mwah! I still don’t know what I’m going to do when Wumi and Simi leave but it is well! You guys are real, the realest people I’ve met in a while!
• This is the part where I thank my guardian for being the best! She really is, and her wonderful family have made my stay a lot warmer! Thanks for a beautiful Christmas last year by the way, I won’t ever forget that!
• To the finest parents in the entire world, Pastor and Pastor Mrs Chuka Agwuegbo, and my one in a million brothers and sister, Ifeanyi, Nnamdi, and Adaora, I love you guys to the moon and back, thank you! To the one and only Aunty Pat, thank you!

Thank you Father for the grace you’ve given which is always available to me. I will never comprehend the depth of your love for me, your faithfulness even when I am unfaithful, and your unfailing mercies. This one’s for you Lord!

To you reading this, thank you! It’s on to the next one!

 

One of them sober (but vain) moments

 

TROY DAVIS – MY THOUGHTS

A little disclaimer before I start this; the words below are mine, a reflection of my thoughts, opinions, and emotions as enshrined in the United Nations Human Rights Charter. Feel free to read, and document your thoughts in the comments section, but please note that that’s all they will be, comments. Agreed? Good. Now you can read.

So 42 year old Troy Davis was executed by lethal injection last night; he died at 11.08EDT. As far as I am concerned, he died a long time ago, and many times at that, what with the number of times he’s faced execution. On the back of that, I’m happy he’s actually dead; the ‘simulation’ can finally stop.

My heartfelt condolences go to the MacPhail family, his two children, his widow, and his parents. Losing a son is hard, and I dare not say I know how they feel but I have a pretty good idea, having lost a few people myself. I feel their pain, and the healing they so desperately seek, 22 years on.

My condolences also go to the Davis family, especially his sister, Martina Davis-Correia, who despite fighting breast cancer, has campaigned day and night, and across several countries for a stay of execution, clemency, or a new evidentiary trial for her baby brother.

An abridged version of this story for people who are just hearing of it. In the evening of the 18th of August 1989, 21 year old Troy Davis attended a pool party. As he left with a friend, some guys in a car yelled obscenities at them. There was a shooting and Michael Cooper, one of the guys in the car, was shot in the face. Later that night (past midnight) in a nearby park, Troy and his friends met another friend (Sylvester ‘Redd’ Coles) arguing with a homeless man. Policeman Mark MacPhail was shot twice, in the heart and in the head when he attempted to save the homeless man from being ‘pistol whipped’.

The next day, (19/08/1981) Sylvester ‘Redd’ Coles goes to the police, and says Troy Davis was the person who killed Mac Phail. On the 15th of November, Davis was indicted by a grand jury for murder of the policeman, assaulting the homeless guy, shooting Michael Cooper (from the pool party) in the face, obstructing the policeman in the performance of his duty, and being in possession of a firearm during the commission of a crime. Davis pled not guilty in April, 1990 but on the 30th of August 1991, the jury recommended the death penalty and Troy Davis was sentenced to death.

Fast forward 20 years, countless appeals, and three execution dates later, seven out of the nine witnesses who gave statements against Davis in 1991 had either recanted or changes their testimony, citing fear or intimidation from the police for their original testimony. One particular witness said he’s illiterate and so could not read the testimony he signed back then. I thought you might want to see this video.

Let me make this clear; I’m not judging the case. I have no idea who’s guilty or innocent, neither can I by the wave of a wand produce the gun whose bullets felled the police officer. Heck, new evidence indicates that Sylvester ‘Redd’ Coles might even be the killer! All I’m saying is that death is too permanent. You cannot take it back, and no amount of compensation (monetary or otherwise) can bring a life back so extreme caution must be taken in these things. There was doubt, no matter how minimal or ‘smoke and mirrors (as Judge T. Williams said in his August 2010 Supreme Court ruling).

Funny, but I stumbled on Troy Davis’ case just yesterday as I was reading the story of the Birmingham Six; Irishmen who were convicted of the bombings of two pubs in Birmingham in 1975 and sentenced to life imprisonment. 16 years after (March 14, 1991 to be precise), their convictions were declared unsafe and overturned. They received compensation ranging from £840, 000 to £1.2million but 20 years after, are still battling psychological trauma. Feel free to read up about the Maguire Seven, the Guildford Four, Tipton Three, and other ‘miscarriages of justice’.

In all the above, the option for restitution remained because they were in prison, not executed. And that is the thrust of this chronicle. There is no such hope for Troy Davis now because he is dead.

If in the future, Troy Davis is exonerated, or the killer steps up, what happens? How do you apologize to his family? How do you tell the MacPhail family that they need to start their healing process again because the person they thought killed their son was innocent? According to my good friend @RGAMeyer, “what we have now is TWO families with the possibility of NO justice”. I agree.

I also agree with whoever says the death sentence belongs in the Stone Age; Martin Luther King Jr. said, “injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere”, and “the old law – an eye for an eye will leave everyone blind.”

Rest in peace, Troy Davis.

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THIS COOKIE HAS CRUMBLED…

So I’ve been away from this blog for a bit now, concentrating on the reason I came to Birmingham, and I’ve looked forward to writing for leisure again. I just didn’t think I would start with this horrific story.

Last week, Linda Ikeji published this story on her blog; it happened on the 16th of August, 2011. Five undergraduates of Abia State University filmed themselves gang raping a female student, and they put that video online. Why? They say she insulted them. Now I would love to join the rest of the world in discussing what part of hell has been reserved for these devils, but you know that already. I’d rather we discussed the issues this unfortunate incident has thrown up.

To start with, rape is wrong, there is no argument there. It is a crime against womanhood (or manhood), and is punishable by death in some quarters, jail time in some, and the loss of the offending appendage in others. I’m sure these men were aware that they were doing wrong, abi? What is scary is the confidence with which they made the video. A Yoruba proverb says that if a small child stands by the edge of a bush and challenges an adult to a duel, there will definitely be something or someone in the bush giving him confidence.  Agree with that? So what do these boys have ‘behind’ them? Though I haven’t seen the video (and have no plans to torture myself that way), it was obviously well planned for the video to have lasted that long. Is it the thought that they’d never be caught, no thanks to the gaping holes in our policing and crime detection? Is it the thought that their parents are big enough to sway a judge if it came to that? Apart from the very active devil in them, what else was at work?

That leads up to my next point; are we ready for this ‘civilization’ we are clamoring for? I mean, if the best use of social media for UNDERGRADUATES (not people in kindergarten) is the distribution of sadistic criminal content then are we sure we shouldn’t be back in the dark ages? Isn’t it their mates making groundbreaking discoveries everywhere? And to think one of the devils has been identified as studying law!

More horrifying for me is the number of ‘helpless’ people who are begging to see the video. I say helpless because from their comments you can tell they can do nothing to help this situation; either in identifying the suspects or providing any support for the lady. So what on earth do you to watch the video for? I saw a particular comment on a blog that read ‘I’ve only seen the 10mins version. Please give us the link to the full one’. And that was the only thing the person said. Are you kidding me? I mean, it is obvious our sense of decency and morality has been raptured but have we lost our sensitivity too? Like I tweeted some nights ago, rape is not porn. If you need to fill a need in your life with that kind of content, Google hasn’t stopped accepting friend requests. Google! At least that will be in the privacy of wherever you reside, not exposing your freak nature on a blog!

Let’s talk to our leadership a bit now. Two days ago the Vice Chancellor of Abia State University was quick to issue a statement absolving the school of the crime. In his words, “this did not happen in my school” On the other hand, reports from the students say that not only do they believe this happened in their school, but it’s happened before and nothing was done about it! Dear Mr. VC, are you more interested in massaging your bit-sized ego than in calling for a proper investigation into the matter?

And for the Governor of the state, Dr. Theodore Orji who said it was the work of his political detractors, it is the people who voted you into power that I blame for the tragedy of you sitting in that office. On Monday the 19th of September, the Governor said he’d asked the VC to meet with him on Monday, I’m assuming it’d be Monday the 26th. Both statements have foolishness, insensitivity,and stark illiteracy smeared all over them. To the VC and Governor now, would you wait one week if it was your daughter? Would it boil down to politics and your ‘political detractors’ (whatever the hell that over used Nigerian phrase means) if your daughter was gang raped?

Finally, where is this lady? This daughter of God who was brutally violated by our brothers, boyfriends, potential husbands and fathers. Where is she now? What support is she receiving? Do we have any centers to cater to people like her? Does anyone know how to get across to her, to comfort and be there for her and her family? Or are we waiting till she commits suicide to mount campaigns on Twitter?

Join the march against rape at ABSU on the 28th of September!

That said, I appreciate the massive campaigns that have gone on Twitter, the pot of money put together by young people as a reward for any information leading to the arrest of these devils; I am grateful for Sugabelly’s work in deciphering their names, and I’m excited about the Minister for Youth Development leading a team to the school next week. I just hope it won’t end up being a courtesy call! To everyone speaking up about this, well done! We won’t stop till we get these bastards because believe me, with this incident, our problems as a nation are bigger than Boko Haram. This cookie has crumbled.

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THE DR. JEKYLL AND MR. HYDE FACTOR

This chronicle was inspired by a poem I heard like two weeks ago (and you will soon read – thank you Mimidoo)! Now, apart from the fact that the poem was beautifully written, it appealed to me because it’s something I’ve seen happen over and over and over again.

The poem talks about a lady in a relationship with some guy who is obviously cheating on her. Apparently he’s saying one thing but the pictures she has of him show that he’s doing the exact opposite. For example, he told her he would wear their ring forever but she had pictures of him with other ladies, and without the ring. He said he was working late but the picture with her said missionary was Kate’s favorite position (must have been some picture)! On and on and on, the perfect example of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.

Yup! Two faced evil people!!!

Of course there’s been a lot of talk about spouses cheating and all so I won’t say anything about that. Ever been there before? You have a friend, colleague, spouse who says one thing and does another? Who professes to love you but is just waiting for the perfect opportunity to stab you in the back?

Stories abound, Nollywood has over flogged it as a theme, and even folktales exist of the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde phenomenon. I’m sure that if I asked (and I won’t), you have stories of people who bit and blew your toes at the same time. Makes me remember a song the Fairy GodMother taught me a while ago, “smiling faces, sometimes they don’t tell the truth, smiling faces, tell lies and that’s the truth”.

Ok, two things I’ve never quite understood about the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde thing are:

1. Why the person does it (I mean, if you don’t like or cannot stand someone why don’t you just make it known and move on)?

2. Why the person on the receiving end stays (because most of time you finally can tell that your rat of a friend doesn’t like you…but you stay). Why? Do you stay because you hope it’ll get better? You even become overly nice because you think it might help. How pathetic.

Want my advice? You can never get used to poison. Truth is, the longer it stays, the more it hurts. And for you spreading pain……what goes around, will come around.

P:S – enjoy the poem by Mimidoo Achineku

PICTURE

They say a picture says or is worth a thousand words
Well I just want this one to shut up
It tells me so many things and memories I thought I knew
Things I felt were askew

You told me you were working late
This picture tells me missionary is the favorite position of Kate’s
You gave me the impression you were hanging with Jeff
The other tells me medium rare steak is how she likes it, i.e. Steph
A day I joked saying “take your ring off if you can” …you said NEVER and puffed
It seems it was a bluff
Because this picture shows you are a bachelor, your ring is off.

Why I spied on you, you ask
Simple!
I was up to the task
All the money and riches kept me company
It was only your love I needed ultimately

I keep painting this picture in my mind
I hope it will tell you just a few words
It will tell of a loving brother, husband and friend
It will show when and how your life began
It will tell how and when your life ends

Yes you thought right
I will kill you when I find you
Take a picture of that.

No comment.

 

*Originally published here: http://chroniclesofthefairygodsister.blogspot.com/2009/10/chronicles-of-fairy-godsister-dr-jekyll.htmlin October 2009, after I found out (more like told myself the truth) that I had some really useless friends. *sigh*

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CROC CITY!!

I’ve been traveling a lot recently (a friend of mine said he can’t wait for me to stop loafing or ‘breading’ around)! I don’t blame him; fairy things are too deep for mere mortals to grasp!

Anyways, I went to one of the pillars of Northern Nigeria to attend a friend’s introduction over the weekend. Talking about introductions, I was fascinated by the whole thing and I think I want to do one too. Thing is, who is going to come to be introduced to the fairy godmother and father? Who is worthy? Ha ha, discussion for another day!

Kaduna is a beautiful place o, it’s one of them somewhat ancient places that thrill me. They also are a big disappointment and I’ll explain. People say America got to where they are now after 200 years abi? Nigeria is 49, Kaduna being one of the older states would be expected to be topping the charts as far as education, health, light, water, etc go. That unfortunately, is not the case. Away from this sha, that’s gist for another day!

Beautiful view from the top……

The last time I was in Kaduna (Croc city according to a friend of mine), I washed my hair in a regular salon for N120 and I thought that was a great deal because I’d do the same thing here in Abuja for about N600 or more! I was feeling sexy with myself till I was told that the stylist cheated me. I left my hair on purpose this time around and went to a different salon where I’m proud to announce I got the same thing done for N100! Ha ha, you can imagine the big pat on the back I gave myself.

What did I love about the place? The building (and environs) where Lord Luggard was doing his thing from (he should try coming there now na)! I also enjoyed drinking fura (even though I hear it makes you add weight in leaps and bounds)! Then of course, I ate suya so much, I’m sure I’d puke if I saw another stick!

Now, since I’m not from anywhere near these parts, I asked a couple mortals I talk with for the fun places in KD. One reoccurring name was NAF club and so I vowed I would go there! And go I did, on Saturday night. Don’t want to start a religious crisis so I’ll just say I didn’t expect to see what I saw (use your own tongue to count the rest of your own teeth)! If you’ve ever been to Ibadan, it was the regular ‘Options’ setting, just that this place is a lot more secure (try yourself na), and a lot bigger. Forgive me o, I just thank God Nigeria has not had any crisis (terrorist wise) in her air space because, if the Nigerian Air Force (NAF) were called to do the ‘Jack Bauer’ thing (24), would they be able to ‘extricate their optical apparatus from the wriggling gargantuan posteriors of the daughters of Eve’ to do anything? Ha ha ha!

NAF!!!

Back to my story. Apart from the fact that I saw a lady wearing a hooded track suit top into the club (Kaduna averages a temperature of 40 degrees), and some other ladies I can swear were underage, stuff went well. I won’t tell you about the ‘goings on’ I saw in several ‘dark’ corners when I decided to talk a walk, of course I won’t tell you! We (yes, me and the other fairies) were there for a while then we moved to Maharaja. Now, to me it’s either the owner is Indian, an Indian wannabe or loves the first letter of the alphabet (so many ‘a’s in the word)! Not bad too, upstairs, open air, with tiny bells that you depress and then a waiter appears. Not bad at all. We had a couple of drinks, loads of suya (yes sir), and then headed back to NAF. Hung out there for a while till my pager went off; the fairy godmother said it was my bedtime! So, I went back to my hotel (which I won’t name). A wonderful place o, I just giggled when I saw the rates…….. they had provisions for people who’d need a room for only two hours! Ha ha, croc city!

I’m writing this from my bed, mum says we have to leave tomorrow and I so hate that but I know we have to go! I have a secret though, I’m planning a trip back here, sometime soon. If you promise to be good this week, put a smile on someone’s face, look corruption in the eye and say no, but most importantly, rock the week like it was your last, I’ll take you!

Yup! This was definitely made in Kaduna!

*Originally written here: http://chroniclesofthefairygodsister.blogspot.com/2009/07/chronicles-of-fairy-god-sister-croc.html in July 2009.

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IT’S 7STARS FROM HERE ON!! CALIFORNIA!

Abuja's city gates

I’ve never been to California; heck I’ve never been to America! That’s not news. Put it like this, if I had been you would have known since jor! I’m saying that because I would have taken a million pictures and uploaded them to Facebook, even if they were taken at various parts of the airport because I only stopped over! He he he, people on Facebook won’t kill me!

Seriously though, I don’t know why I haven’t gone yet; just about everyone in my family’s been there. I guess there’s just something in my heart that hasn’t allowed me apply for a visa there yet *sigh* Either that or I’m waiting to go there for a residency (read as sponsored by an organization….not costing me a penny), or maybe I want to fly there! I’m a fairy remember? Rest assured that regardless I’ll let you know once I get there ok?

Away from my proclivities and on to the chronicle for the day which incidentally is centered around another California, this time a new, exclusive lounge in Abuja. Did I mention it’s a Seven Star Lounge? That presupposes it is in the elitist realm of establishments like Beijing’s Pangu 7 Star Hotel, or the more popularly known in Dubai.

Located in the heart of the nation’s capital, California promises a paradigm shift (think Pastor Kris Okotie) in the entertainment experience around the nation. And that’s a promise you can take to the bank! According to the brains behind it, “we will introduce our distinguished clientele to an experience that will remain unrivaled not only in Abuja, but the whole country”.

Loving the logo.....

The most exciting thing for me is the presence of a smoking room on the premises. Thank you Lord! No offence to my ‘light it up’ buddies but truth is after a while it becomes torturous inhaling smoke when we’re around you! Worse still explaining the burnt smell your entrance brings to your folks thus ‘I didn’t smoke, it’s the people I was with’ gets old after a while. Thank you California, it’s the little, thoughtful things that count!

California opens to the public on the 9th of September (9.9.11), but has a press cocktail tonight in honor of the brilliant, vibrant crop that make Abuja’s Fourth Estate of The Realm (from one media person to another). Attendance is strictly by invitation. My advice? RSVP even before you make a comment so you get on the guest list, I’m sure you don’t want to miss this!

Time: 7pm (Red Carpet starts by 5.30pm)

Venue: #44, Ademola Adetokunbo Crescent, Wuse 2, Abuja.

RSVP: Debie (reachdebie@yahoo.com/08126849562)

Media partners include SoundCity, Spice TV, Jara TV, and the Fairy GodSister.

Invite? Check!!!

Introducing The 419 Reasons To Love Nigeria Project!!

The Nigerian Coat of Arms

Dating far back to the 80’s, the term ‘419’ has associated Nigeria and Nigerians primarily with online financial scams – ‘Advance Fee Fraud’. Most unfortunately, the situation exacerbated to such an extent that the internet became overwhelmed with such negative news attributed to Nigeria.
In response to this, ‘The 419Positive Project’ was initiated, with an ambitious objective of generating four hundred and nineteen positive attributes about Nigeria and Nigerians. “If you could tell the world one remarkable thing about Nigeria and Nigerians, what would it be?” Furthermore, in Peter Reilly’s Forbes blog post (Aug 28, 2011), he suggested a similar intervention to his Nigerian audience – “Make lists of 419 reasons to like Nigeria and Nigerians…” His suggestion came as one remedial to his previous post (Nigerians Switching From Greed to Fear), after some Nigerians took exceptions to his views. Other online posts by Chika Uwazie, Nmachi Jidenma and Akin Akintayo, have further lent a voice in this regard.

Pulling these ideas and suggestions together, an online rebranding campaign is being furthered. The aim is clear – to consistently inundate the internet with positive Nigerian attributes, such that when anyone types in ‘419’ in a search engine, it yields positive commentary about Nigeria, irrespective of the pre-existing negativity. This drive is labelled 419 Reasons to Like Nigeria. Awareness is currently being ramped up online, with the topic having trended on Twitter in the early hours of 2nd of September. There will be the big bang launch on October 1, 2011 (Independence Day), of at least 100 Nigerian blogs and sites listing four hundred and nineteen remarkable reasons to like Nigeria, with subsequent monthly blog publishing till the end of 2011.

What is it about your Nigeria? Let’s hear you!

Every Nigerian with a blog, website, and online presence of any sort (Facebook, Twitter, Google+, account etc.) is encouraged to volunteer and be a part of this campaign. With sincerity and candour, it is true that some, in times past, have contributed unfortunately to the prevailing negative association of ‘419’ with Nigeria, however, the time is NOW for us to counter-strategise by providing alternative content via an online rebranding initiative.

To register your interest, simply send an email to volunteer@419Positive.org, with the subject –CAMPAIGN VOLUNTEER, and be sure to provide contact details (email address) so you can be reached subsequently. Volunteers will be contacted latest by the 9th of September, 2011.

Be a part of this drive…the time is now! Let’s tell the world 419 Reasons to Like Nigeria.

Let’s tell the world why we do, and why they should too!!

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EXTRATERRESTRIAL INFLUENCE

Still in the spirit of re-posting from my archives, this one was written on a flight from Abuja to Lagos, which was my most traveled route at some point in my life. I hope you enjoy this one, and not get scared with the pictures (You shouldn’t sha, if you saw either Paul, The Lord of The Rings Trilogy, or Avatar)!

It’s titled, Extraterrestrial Influence!

He he he! Totally love this picture….

Been a while abi? I know!! Ok, so the Fairy GodSister had to leave Abuja again for the weekend. Thanks to Aero, I got a reasonably decent fare and started counting down to Friday.

Thursday however, was very funny. Do you ever find it difficult to sleep at night, especially when you have a trip to make the next day? It happens to the FGS too. I mean, even after the Mad Hatter encouraged me to sleep early (considering the long day I had), my eyes refused to close in slumber! Hell, at one time I sealed them closed with glue but my optical apparatus have got a strong-willed mind of their own!

Friday morning I wake up, skipped my exercise routine (after all I was running late), got ready and sped to the airport (Louis Hamilton style)! To start with, I really was late so when we got to the airport gate and there was traffic, I started panicking. Trust your Nigerian brothers and sisters to form almost 9 lanes, further increasing the chaos!

The Fairy Godfather being merciful, we got in and I dashed to the check in counter. As I entered the hall, I heard my flight being announced and in my mind I was like, ‘oh please, I can’t flap my wings all the way to the East now, I just got my hair done’! Fortunately (or so I thought at the time), one of the airline’s officials came, asked where I was headed, and then took my reservation to get my boarding pass. I was feeling fly, thinking that he was probably checking me out and stuff. Ok, so he gets me the boarding pass and I am grateful so I say thank you. He smiles and says, “Madam you have to buy me malt o” (‘have to’ being the operating word). Aah!!! Of course he wasn’t checking me out, he was checking out his pocket! I buy him the malt (his words implied I didn’t have an option anyways) and then inwardly smiling at my apparent silliness and naivety, I make my way to the plane.

Reminds me of a very embarrassing moment; I wanted to meet up a friend somewhere in Stanmore so I bought a day travel card and waited for the bus. When it came, I got in. Now, because the FGS is used to flying herself around (and not taking buses like you mortals), I didn’t know I was supposed to show the bus driver my card. So, I bounced in, and with the confidence of a very chubby crayfish, catwalked to my seat. I looked up and noticed the driver ‘staring’ at me. I looked away but when I looked back, he was still staring! Just when I was going to say, “Excuse me, but it is rude to stare” (in that voice), he said, “Excuse me miss but I do need to see your ticket”! Yup!!! You can imagine how I felt!

Ok, back to my story. So I sit down, and the wait began. I didn’t blame theairline, when you fly for next to nothing what do you expect? (At least that’s the general belief with mortals right)? And of course no explanation for the delay was given. I got the reason for the delay when approximately 40 minutes later the doors were closed and the extremely loud voice of one of the crew bellowed, “His Excellency, the Governor of……distinguished ladies and gentlemen”. (I know eye service was at its peak that day but did the plan include deafening the passengers)?

Two things
• They didn’t even apologize for the delay! Wasn’t really surprised, after all they didn’t explain why we were waiting in the first place!
• I don’t really remember o, but are passengers normally referred to as ‘distinguished’ ladies and gentlemen? Or was it part of the over zealousness that defined the flight? Help me!

Anyways, so we’re finally ready to take off and this ‘creature of God’ behind me decides that that’s when he wants to make an international call! Now the cabin crew had gone through the safety procedures and stuff but Young Jock had to make the call! Again, if it was a D.D.G guy with a blackberry, HP or some other smart phone his sin would have been pardonable; this guy was………..nothing to write home about (I’m sorry), and the phone for the ‘international call’ looked like something from the Trium and Sagem era! Truth is, even if he was fly and everything, it wouldn’t have been enough reason for him to be making a call when the plane was already in motion and we had practically been begged to switch off our phones! I mean, even ‘His Excellency’ had switched his off (well, either him or his Special Assistant in charge of mobile phone issues)!

Are you a baby? What part of ‘SWITCH OFF YOUR PHONE’ didn’t you get? Arrgh!!

Fortunately one of the cabin crew went to him (at the exact moment he was discussing how many euro, yen, and pounds he had….oh puhlease), and stayed on him till he switched it off! Phew!! Imagine him sounding hurt, like he wasn’t supposed to have switched off his phone! He’s lucky I wasn’t one of the cabin crew, I would have…….!!!!

To end NTA news at 9, the highlights again:
1. Aero Contractors flight 737 lands safely in Enugu,
2. Fairy GodSister is received by the Fairy GodMother amidst hugs and kisses,
3. Man’s phone catches fire as he disembarked from Aero’s flight 737, extraterrestrial influence suspected!!!

Have a good week people, I insist!

*Originally published here: http://chroniclesofthefairygodsister.blogspot.com/2009/10/extraterrestrial-influence.html#comment-form in October 2009

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3, 2, 1 SERIES: AN HOUR WITH MISS LINDSEY!

Welcome to the 3, 2, 1 series, my name is ………. (don’t worry, it’s only a matter of time now)….. Ok! To the business of the day!

About a year ago I did a story on this brainy beauty who had just been evicted from MTN’s Project Fame (a move I still consider faulty, flawed, insert more adjectives as you wish). That story is here.

Recently my Fairy antennas picked up that she has a song out vewwy vewwy soon; and so with a rousing applause, welcome latest interviewee to the 3, 2, 1 series, Miss Lindsey Abudei, on twitter as @MissLind_Sea. Enjoy!

The delectable Miss Abudei!

FGS: Lindsey is…..?

Lindsey: Lindsey is a young girl who totally loves music; she’s a graduate of law as well

FGS: when did you fall in love with music? Was it ‘from the womb’ or something you picked up?

Lindsey: I think I’d like to say it came right on the day I was born; my mum told me music had to play for me to fall asleep and had to stay on till I woke up. Any abrupt change in that mood would make me wake up, plus I grew up waking to music play almost every morning

FGS: I bet NEPA/PHCN was a lot better then than it is now or else your parents would either have spent a fortune on fuelling generators, or become musicians themselves

Lindsey: you bet that!

FGS: what’s your kind of music?

Lindsey: it’s neo-soul/alternative… could either be on its own or in fusion

FGS: do you make the kind of music you listen to or do you bring out different from what you take in?

Lindsey: I make music that has got the influence of the kind of music I listen to…

FGS: and how long have you been making music professionally?

Lindsey: for about 7 years

FGS: wow, that’s a while! Do you have an album out?

Doing what she does best.....

Lindsey: no I don’t, it’s in the works though

FGS: ‘Drift Away’ was your first single released, what has the response to that been?

Lindsey: yes it was…The response has been good…pretty flattering too I must add

FGS: three things you took away from your time on MTN’s Project Fame and how they have helped you grow?

Lindsey: exposure, more skill and a network. I’ve grown in the sense that I’ve become more confident in myself and my music too

FGS: when Lindsey isn’t singing, what is she doing?

Lindsey: she’s doing poetry, reading, playing indoor games or going for the next play reading if she can.

FGS: in a blog post I did on you earlier I talked about you defending a criminal and singing their defence to the judge or jury…. So we know you’re a lawyer; what’s the plan? How do you plan to blend music with law?

Lindsey: music is my first love…It’s in my plan to take it up seriously…law could serve as my fall back plan when active music is done…Would probably take up entertainment law… And about me singing in court, yeah I remember…That’d be a funny one for me to see!

FGS: question from a fan, “who is the man who inspires you to write all these great songs?

Lindsey: lol…Well ‘Drift Away’ came from a heart break; don’t know about any other men for the others…

http://boos.audioboo.fm/swf/fullsize_player.swf/MP3

FGS: lol, will pass that message on to the fan (also known as )! You have a new single coming out in a couple days, the 10^th of September….

Lindsey: Yes I do. Wouldn’t exactly call it a single though but yeah I’ve got a song coming out on the 10th of September

FGS: What was the inspiration for that (read as me building on the question from a fan), and why wouldn’t you call it a single?

Lindsey: I felt like doing something different… So I had this random idea to do a song that’d give a different feel from most of the songs we’ve heard in a while or in the past year from the Nigerian entertainment scene…

FGS: I know! The one beat 20 different artists/lyrics kind of music right?

Lindsey : You could say that… lol!

FGS: Two things you would want to have/be by 2015?

Lindsey : A much better musician and at least a Grammynomination/award

I really like this one!

FGS: whoop whoop!!! And you know you’ve got what it takes girl!!

Lindsey: *curtsying*

FGS: Looking to the future now, would you ever do a song in any of the major languages (Yoruba, Hausa, Ibo, Pidgin)?

Lindsey: I could…I’ve come to see how that ties to our identity or even mine as a Nigerian; I guess you could say I’d do “classy Nigerian”

FGS: lol at classy Nigerian! Tell us what the new song is about…..

Lindsey : Am I allowed to spill the beans now?*watching my back*

FGS: ahhhhhh, suspense kind of thing yeah? That’s fine, we totally understand. Final question, who would you give anything to do a collabo with?

Lindsey: I’ve got a couple of people…Lagbaja is one though

FGS: and that one is enough! Thank you Lindsey!!!!

Lindsey: Thank you too

Lindsey: *hugs*

FGS: mwah!!

More @MissLind_Sea......

There you have it, Miss Lindsey Abudei! Come back here late on the 9^th to listen to the song first!

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